This blog is based on your heart's desire, that is, where you want to write, and where you want to write, it will not be modified in the whole process. The current time is 16:57 p.m. on May 31, 2020.

The last sentence of the book "Dharma Wanderers" is "but Japhy you and me forever know, O ever your full, O ever weeping.". I suddenly heard Zhang Zhenyue's "Goodbye" on Netease Cloud Music. It is an old song. When I get old, I seldom listen to new songs, or pure music. It is said that this is also a sign of aging. Go to hell. In this afternoon, the air outside is getting hot, and the light is not as strong as noon. I wake up in suspension because I fell asleep too late last night. After falling asleep at three or four o'clock in the morning, I was awakened by the light at nine o'clock in the morning on time, and then began a day of sleepwalking, with my eyes on the computer. It was also fun to read. My mind was too confused to know what to do. I felt like dying. Then I spent half the afternoon in sleep with the music that was said to help me sleep. My mood improved. So I got up, so I opened my mobile phone, found a song that could make me feel happy, and heard the song "Goodbye" by Zhang Zhenyue. In order to gather energy, I started to sit in front of the computer and code words. I have many experiences. When you don't do anything, you just write there. After all, it can make your brain gather together. When you write, people can recover.

There are many comments on the song Goodbye, and then the popular comments are all farewell. It was their reunion and separation when they were studying. It was so good at that time. Everything was good. People recalled the past with beautiful scenes, but when they recalled it, they were no longer young. Bob Dylan sang: How many roads must a man walk to be a man? The answer is floating in the wind. Gone with his mother. People have spent their lives in this way. They are not afraid of the wind blowing away their enthusiasm.

I began to doubt the memory. I felt that those memories were unreliable. What people remember is the scene at that time. In fact, it was just like a bird at that time. In 2018, when I was in a small hotel in distress, the evening lights were on. On the night of September, there were people dancing in the square, and there were stalls of cooking smoke. I was at the window with a safety bar, and suddenly heard that the scenery of life was wandering. When I looked back on the loneliness, I suddenly couldn't resist it. I felt that someone from the previous era had accidentally clicked the random broadcast, I accidentally sent this song to me through sound waves. Then get up, leave, and continue to swim. Then when I recovered, I actually began to miss those days, when there was autumn rain, the leaves of Chinese parasol trees were yellow, and the cold air suddenly hit the streets in the morning.

How many things have been beautified under the iceberg, and how many modifications we can remember. I don't know the perspective transformation between the bystanders and the authorities. Past experiences have shaped you, just like the food you have eaten has become your meat. You are what you are now. We started to waver from side to side, be deceived, brainwashed, and systematize everything, creating a simple but complex self, like the guy in Truman World, who can't remember his name. Will he be all right after he goes out? Where did he go?

To be or not to be is a question, a question, a question.

Beidao doesn't believe it in Answer, I don't believe it, I don't believe it.

Nezha said that my life was up to me and not up to heaven.

A skeptic, a nihilist.

No, the world sometimes looks like a gear, which fits well. It looks like a pragmatic world. Everything can be designed.

Sometimes it is also a generation of confusion and loss, Hemingway's generation. Sometimes it is the world of hippie culture, indulging in wandering, utopia. Who finally got the upper hand?

Whether the current form is a mixture or a mainstream highlight, others are scattered.

The balderdash is in a mess, the brain starts to work unconsciously, and people are normal. All right, keep working!

17:41, May 31, 2020

As an educated and culturally domesticated human being, I once committed violence when I was an adult. The cause and details will not be described, and the result is a medical cost of 1000 yuan. I claim that I am not a violent person, and I am normal in spirit. I live in a muddle when I am an adult. I am honest and dutiful. Occasionally, I have some ideas and motivations that go beyond the scope of the law. I was killed when I was limited to financial resources and courage.

But I can remember the feeling of that violence: the whole person was highly nervous, the hormone occupied his brain in an instant, and only the target was in his eyes. At the moment of the move, he could pick out the cruel move of naked strangulation like a movie. After strangling the target from behind, he kicked his knee sideways to his waist, and a series of actions did not hesitate. Seeing the other side's helpers coming, I was a little timid. After enduring several attacks, I remembered that naked strangulation could kill people. The whole process lasted less than 20 seconds, and then went into China's unique follow-up treatment of violence.

In Jia Zhangke's movie Destiny, Jiang Wu carries a gun and asks the village head to write about the crime of coal boss Jiao Shengli. The village head doesn't write it, but laughs back. Jiang Wu shoots the village head. This scene startled me at that time. This flash of camera language was very like a short story written by the minimalist school, and it was also the best form of video expression of violence.

Human beings have always been a kind of animal, which is my view. Self protection, sex, aggression, appetite, these bottom instincts will be occupied for a long time, and they are also necessary for survival. The brain must muster all its energy to meet these needs. Jack London's "Love Life" and Acheng's "Chess King" both have direct descriptions of appetite, and there are many descriptions of sex. Kawabata Yasunari's "Sleeping Beauty" is very profound, which links "sex and aging and death" together. When I think about it three ways down, I sometimes think: How is the sex life of Xingye solved? Is Ma Shoufu always consistent? Is Rogo's multiplayer sport normal? He Gambling King is still creating people in his 80s. The world after adulthood is like this. You no longer believe in the castles in the air described to you by adults before you are minors. I see. This kind of animal nature of human beings is a living condition of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages.

So you just become the person you once hated. The world has its own set of rules.

In the final analysis, human wars, religions and ethnic struggles are all survival needs. The cultural identity and sense of belonging derived from the rich mirror neurons of human beings is actually a kind of self-protection. This violent dynamic will come back every second and destroy each other. It will continue to exist with the existence of human beings.

Peace is luck.