More than ten years ago, when WeChat was just emerging, I was reading Kafka's "Trial" and thought that the hero of the fucking novel could name like this. Later, I thought that the name was just a code, so I gave my WeChat a J I forgot the elegant pen names of Qiushui Yibing, Gushi, etc. When I was young, my dream was to be a writer. This incredible experience was very similar to Luo Yonghao. Luo Yonghao once mentioned this experience in his speech My Struggle. A young literary and artistic man in a small town, just because he had published several articles on tofu pieces when he was young, he felt that he could live by words in the future, and later grew older, After reading more and better words, I found that I mistook the creative passion of my youth for creative talent.

I don't know how many novels I have written at the beginning. Some are 100000 words, and some are 20000 or 30000 words. Like many things I have done, they have a beginning but no end. What finally made me give up was that in an autumn when osmanthus was fragrant, I rented a hotel, conceived the beginning of a novel, wrote 10000 words at a time, and then, as usual, the plot, characters, conflicts, and contradictions were resolved, and the characters poured forward in a flash. I was prepared for myself, and even compared with Jin Yong's "Legend of the Heroes of Sculpture Shooting" Look where the foreshadowing is set, where the characters are set, where there are conflicts. As a result, there are many contradictions, which cannot be justified, and there is too little knowledge reserve, I found that I am not this material.

After mentally torturing myself for three months, I decided to go to work in the factory. In the days to come, Luo Yonghao said, "Damn it, I wanted to be a poet.".

Some people may be unable to get out of a certain cycle all their lives, just like the Mobius Ring. Although they have given up their dream of becoming a writer, they do not often spend lonely nights, sometimes half a foot away from the ground after drinking. It seems that there is always some kind of emotion that needs to be expressed. Although as they grow older, this emotion gradually becomes rare, like a man's sexual function.

But I always remember that night when the spring breeze was intoxicating, in the Garden Square, a middle-aged woman sang Wang Jie's old song to karaoke. I walked through the barbecue booth with smoke curling up and stopped in the light. The children were carrying shiny yo yos and shouting excitedly. Young men and women were hugging each other, and the naked, bellied shop owner sat beside the freezer, sipping cold beer, Time has stopped quietly like flowing water. Today, I can't forget the taste and the keen touch I once had.

I think we always lose something, the eyes no longer have light.

I think of the Oscar who didn't want to grow up in Gunter Grass's Tin Drum;

I remember that people get older and their hopes disappear day by day, and finally they become like oxen being hammered;

When I was 20 years old, I thought of digging a hole in the mountain. There was no one around. The wilderness was quiet and quiet. Pine cones hung on the green trees like upside down scrotum;

I remember Li Zongsheng repeatedly singing, "Go, go, people always want to learn Grow up.

One day, or thirty years later, when the reed leaves fill the Tingzhou, far away from those shining days, in a familiar autumn, if you want to buy osmanthus flowers with wine, you will never "end up like a teenager"