The age gap between men and women with the most sense of happiness

Recently, a survey conducted by European scientists showed that age is a key factor affecting the stability of marriage. Dr. Emmanuel Franier of the University of Bath, UK, conducted a follow-up survey on 1534 couples. The results show that the best couple model that can strongly maintain marriage is that both men and women have higher education and no divorce history, and the man is more than 5 years older than the woman. The researchers said that wives who are five years younger than their husbands are the age group least prone to conflict, and their divorce rate is one sixth of other marriages.

In addition, a study by the University of Vienna found that if the husband is 4-6 years older than his wife, he has the most children; The husband is 15 years older than his wife. Although the number of children born is small, his marriage life is the most satisfactory.

Wang Guorong, a well-known domestic expert in marriage therapy, agreed with this. Wang Guorong said that the three happiness points of this kind of marriage have become the pillar of a stable family. The first happiness point is to meet women's desire of "trinity". Usually, the prince charming whom women dream of has the maturity of his father, the care of his brother and the vitality of his friends. The husband is older, more mature in psychology, and more comfortable in giving.

The second happiness point is that the older husband usually has a certain economic foundation, which reduces the probability of disputes due to economic reasons. The third happiness point is that there is less family competition. When the husband is older, women will naturally have a sense of dependence and obedience, reducing the power competition between husband and wife, and reducing friction.

When it comes to the disadvantages of such marriages, Zheng Xifu, a psychology professor at South China Normal University, believes that, generally speaking, the average life expectancy of men is shorter than that of women. If the husband is much larger than his wife, it is likely that the husband will eventually die and the wife will be alone.

　　 Women are big and men are small and happy

As the saying goes, "women in their third year hold gold bricks", but in ancient China, there was often the phenomenon of a big wife and a small husband. Nowadays, the love between sister and brother is still an indispensable landscape on the marriage map.

Wang Guorong said that in fact, some families with sister brother love are also very happy. Some men are young but mentally mature, while their wives are older but mentally young. This kind of family, psychologically speaking, is similar to the family model of big men and small women.

In other families where siblings love each other, husbands have similar temperament characteristics, that is, men are not very independent and want to continue looking for the feeling of being cared for by their mothers. For such families, there are often some drawbacks. First of all, both physically and psychologically, women age faster, while men are still in their prime years, which tends to make the family unstable. Secondly, age has social significance. In the conventional social evaluation, love between sister and brother is easy to make people confused and criticized, or disparage men as "not men", or women as "old cattle eat tender grass", etc. These external comments will also have an impact on the family wall to a certain extent.

　　 Good communication between men and women of the same age

The age difference between President Obama, 49, and his wife Michelle is three years. Their 17 years of happy marriage is enough to rank them as "ideal couples". Yue Xiaodong, an associate professor of the Department of Social Sciences at the Chinese University of Hong Kong, believes that peer love is not the same age in the narrow sense as we understand it, but the age of both parties is much the same, basically belonging to the same generation. Wang Guorong pointed out that men and women of the same age are men and women of the same age or men are three years older than women. It can be said that in the modern concept, this marriage mode is undoubtedly the most ideal.

Yue Xiaodong pointed out that the basis of peer love lies in the psychological and physical coordination between lovers. This kind of marriage is the most sustainable and has six benefits. First, it is easy to establish intimate relations. Second, frequent interaction. The third is simultaneous growth. Fourth, the demand is consistent. Fifth, support from relatives and friends. Sixth, equality and self-confidence. In short, the social experience of lovers of the same age is similar, and they tend to share the same mind when encountering life problems. However, long-term running in will make both sides think together and have a good understanding, forming a common cognitive model.

"Although men and women of the same age have many advantages, there are also some problems just because of equality." Wang Guorong said that couples of the same age tend to compete for rights because of too much emphasis on equality, and may often fight for "who has the final say".

　　 The more like the character, the more loving

"The above three marriage models have both advantages and disadvantages. Age does play an important role in marriage, but it is not age that really determines the stability of marriage," said Wang Guorong. First of all, the English word "love" is condensed from a Latin sentence, which is "love is a lasting concern for other people's lives".

Wang Guorong pointed out that this shows the true meaning of love between husband and wife, that is, only love the partner itself, rather than pay attention to external conditions, that is, we often say "height is not a problem, age is not a problem, and appearance is not a problem". The less external conditions, the more stable love.

Secondly, research shows that the more similar the personality, the more stable the love. Wang Guorong said that what people often say about complementation between husband and wife is that they want to have but do not have, but the spouse has, which is an appreciation rather than a different personality.

Finally, we should have identity. First, after marriage, we should have the concept of integration with each other; Second, the education level and life values should be equal. These are the internal factors that determine the stability of marriage.