Reported on November 24 by the reference news website The monthly magazine Fun in Spain published an article entitled "I am everyone, everyone is me" in September. The article believes that the most prominent characteristics of friendship are sincerity, trust, loyalty, support, respect and equality. In addition, because of social changes such as immigration and weakening family ties, friendship plays an increasingly important role in our lives. Experts believe that it is a powerful weapon to alleviate modern people's anxiety, stress and all psychological diseases. The full text is as follows:

Some people are happy alone, but they are in the minority. Our health and mood depend to a great extent on our friends. This big family we choose by ourselves makes our life better. So what are the secrets of our relationship with friends?

Friendship is a strong emotion that all of us have experienced, but it is also a mysterious relationship that never reveals the password. For thousands of years, psychologists, sociologists and even neuroscientists have been studying friendship, but they have failed to uncover its mystery: Can men and women become true friends? Do men and women have the same understanding of friendship? Is friendship the source of happiness? Can friendship protect us from illness?

We can define friendship as an emotion that two or more people voluntarily establish, a relationship that becomes more consolidated over time. Friends will always lend a hand when you are in trouble and share weal and woe with you. The most prominent characteristics of friendship are sincerity, trust, loyalty, support, respect and equality. In addition, because of social changes such as immigration and weakening family ties, friendship plays an increasingly important role in our lives. Experts believe that it is a powerful weapon to alleviate modern people's anxiety, stress and all psychological diseases.

　　 Human beings are political animals that need friendship

In the 4th century AD, ancient Greek philosophers Platon and Aristotle recognized that human beings were social animals, and comprehensively expounded the relationship of friendship. They believe that all of us need others to accompany us so that we can survive, be educated, progress and exert influence. Friendship is the most important social relationship, which needs time to consolidate and often goes through different stages. The first stage is to get to know each other and talk about topics of interest. If they find that they have common interests or the other party's experience is useful, the relationship between them may enter the second stage. At this stage, the conversation becomes more private, and the initial trust and concern begin to emerge. Finally, the friendship entered the third stage, which was full of mutual understanding and equality, and was also gradually consolidated. The efforts of both sides did not count, and the relationship was more natural and relaxed.

For many people, it is difficult to make friends, and they need to make some efforts. A survey shows that those who are sensitive, optimistic and open are more likely to experience "chemical" friendship. Here, "chemistry" refers to the contact established when meeting for the first time. For those who are not of such a character, starting a friendship is a very difficult challenge. But some codes of conduct can help us break the ice, among which politeness, respect and performance are naturally necessary. At the same time, we also need to pay attention to the other party's nonverbal behavior to find his subconscious response to the topic and situation being discussed. Finally, we also need to show that we know how to listen and understand.

As we have seen, there are many kinds of friends: lifelong best friends, play friends, work partners, etc. Aristotle divided friendship into three categories according to mutual relations: first, the friendship of interests. Both sides communicate for interests rather than personality; Second, make friends with interests. Make friends only with people who make you happy. For example, friendship among teenagers is easy to produce and break; The third is convenient friendship, especially the friendship of the elderly, mainly depending on what kind of convenience the other party can bring us.

In modern times, sociologists divide friends into seven types according to their different functions: friends who communicate because of common affairs; Friends who exchange information and suggestions; Friends who help each other but have no emotional exchange; Friends playing together; Friends who support each other emotionally; Friends who trust each other and friends of the soul who combine all the above characteristics.

The expert Jos é Luis Sarkanini divides friends into three categories: friends who transcend time and space and are willing to share weal and woe with us; Frequent heart to heart talks and activities with friends who have a certain degree of trust; Friends who are connected and feel special in daily life. This classification is more positive than the previous classification, because it is not measured by utilitarianism.

　　 Friends of the opposite sex

Now we have a very controversial question. Is there a true friendship between the opposite sex? Or, as the French writer and playwright Jules Lerner said, the friendship between men and women is just a springboard for love?

A survey conducted in 2012 by psychologists from the University of Wisconsin and Auckland showed that the friendship between the opposite sex will inevitably experience tense and seductive moments. Men usually value women's attractiveness more, while women value friendship more.

However, men are not the only ones who fantasize about opposite sex friends. A user survey of a dating website showed that 22% of female respondents admitted that they had sexual fantasies about their male boss or colleagues, and 15% of them admitted that their fantasies were their opposite sex friends. It seems that for women, the temptation to cross the boundary between friendship and love is also common. Because they live in the same space for a long time, fantasies may occur between friends of the opposite sex at any time, but the fear of destroying their long-term friendship or being rejected makes many people dare not express their true feelings.

　　 Friendship makes people happier

The friendship between the same sex is also the object of many people's research. Women like to share their emotions and personal and professional goals with friends. They vent with their friends, comfort each other and grow together. Denise Grosberg, an American psychologist, pointed out in an article published in 2012 that women who live happily have more friends and are more closely connected with their families. Positive social behavior or having good friends can increase the secretion of oxytocin, a hormone that promotes healthy relationships and emotions.

Other studies emphasize the important role of friendship in helping people face adversity. But there is also a dark side to female friendship. Because of some hidden emotions, female friends compete with each other and are jealous.

Research shows that women attach great importance to the trust and intimacy of friendship because of their close feelings. If friends break an appointment, women will show more dissatisfaction than men. Women also have stricter requirements for friends than men. Men's friendship is mainly based on doing things together. In short, women value emotion while men value action. (Compiled by/Wang Lu)