Original title: Five minute Psychology: He is transparent in front of you, what about you?
01
Recently, a girl came to chat with me. She told me that she was lovelorn. When it came to the reason for breaking up, the girl told me:
"He said he had been dating for so long, but he didn't know me at all.".
I asked the girl, "Do you know him?"
"Mm-hmm. I know almost everything about him."
"Then why doesn't he know everything about you?" This question made her lose her voice.
I think the problem lies here:
If one of the two people has avoided talking about his or her past and is unwilling to share his or her past with the other during the long-term communication, then he or she will feel that you do not really treat him or treat him as a close person.
Maybe there is no problem at present, but the relationship development between the two people is likely to be affected by this, and the gap between them will become larger and larger over time.
02
Here I have to mention a concept, self disclosure: it means that one person spontaneously and consciously exposes his true and important information to another person, which is also called self opening or self disclosure.
To put it simply, it is to tell others what is in your heart.
Self exposure is easier to form between lovers, girlfriends or people with close relationships. The content you want to reveal can be a small matter, an evaluation, or even a small secret in your heart.
There is a very important principle in interpersonal communication, that is, exchange. We hope that what we have done to each other can also be done to us. If we fail to do so, we will be disappointed.
Like that girl, after her boyfriend exposed herself to her, but didn't get her corresponding feedback, her boyfriend would gradually accumulate disappointment and eventually lose confidence in this relationship.
Some people may say that I can't tell him my secret at the beginning. In fact, our self disclosure is progressive:
The first is daily communication.
When you first met, the exposed content may only stay in daily greetings or some ordinary life trivia.
After that, they may go deep into each other's life.
When you start to communicate, you will no longer be confined to the surface of daily life. At this time, you will also enter into each other's world.
Later, they will share their views and talk about themselves.
In this way, both parties can get to know each other better, and sometimes there will be disagreements and so on.
If you go deeper, you will begin to reveal your privacy to the other party. Your past and dark history, even some things that are difficult to say, will also be shared with the other party.
So in a relationship, self exposure will gradually penetrate into the world of both parties, which will also make the relationship between two people closer and closer.
If you tell him everything, you naturally hope to get as much self exposure from him as from yourself.
But there is also a possibility that there will be conflicts with him.
At the same time of self disclosure, you will also tell your true feelings about the other party, such as disappointment and inadequacy. At this time, you may have a quarrel, but this does not mean it is a bad thing, because understanding the other party's evaluation of yourself is a subject in love.
Finally, Lemon would like to remind everyone that no matter you or the other party, your self exposure will only be told to him on the basis of trust and love for the other party. Then no matter you quarrel or break up, you should not use it as a means of revenge to expose people's scars.
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