Beijing Meiling Psychological Counseling Center - Psychiatry Department - Psychological Counselor Han Meiling
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Undoubtedly, there are many factors that can destroy marriage, but generally speaking, there are four main factors: first, personality incompatibility; 2、 Economic conflict; 3、 Status difference; 4、 Sexual disorders.
Personality incompatibility often occurs among intellectuals or between intellectuals and non intellectuals; Economic conflicts often occur in poor families; The difference of status is most easily seen in the big and small officials and bosses; Sex disorder is likely to be a marriage problem that all kinds of people face.
Reading a digest newspaper recently, I read a short article to the effect that a well-known investigation organization had conducted a survey on divorce issues covering 13 provinces and cities with more than 10000 people. The results show that more than 50% of failed marriages are caused by sexual disharmony, and the total number of family breakups caused by other factors is less than the cause of sexual disharmony.
Many people may not believe such a conclusion. However, the marriage and emotional counseling cases I came across in psychological counseling confirmed this conclusion. Why ? In a word, "warm and lustful". Of course, the "lust" here is by no means a derogatory concept, but I mean the normal physiological and psychological desires of normal people.
Maslow, a famous sociologist, once created an influential "hierarchy of needs theory". He classified human basic needs into five levels: one Physiological needs; two Safety needs; three The need for love and destination; four The need for respect; five The need for self realization. He pointed out that for ordinary people, these needs are arranged in a ladder from low to high. After some low-level needs are basically satisfied and partially met, higher level needs will naturally arise. However, only unmet needs will affect and promote people's behavior.
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With regard to this theory, combined with the operation of marriage, we may say that sex is not only a low-level physiological need, but also a high-level need. Furthermore, we can even think that sex is the most basic and important need that runs through all levels of Maslow's needs, a sacred need that integrates spirit and flesh. It can never be classified as a demand alone, but it is closely related to Maslow's demand at all levels and cannot be separated. The reason is very simple. Sex is not only about physical behavior, but also involves the spiritual world. In life, both men and women must solve the problem of sex. This solution must not only be physical, but also include the following spiritual aspects:
——Sex needs to be fully understood and respected by your partner, and should not be belittled or treated lightly.
——Sex has the motivation of desire and the desire of creation. Mechanical coping or routine is definitely the killer or even enemy of sex.
— - Sexual love is one of the highest symbols of realizing self value. Without perfect sexual love, there are major defects in any brilliant life.
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From this point of view, sex can be said to be one of the most important topics in marriage. Therefore, there should be no slight thought and neglect.
However, the problem is that in modern marriage and family, for various reasons, the importance, artistry and sacredness of sex are often despised and perverted irony. For example, some men completely regard women as tools, some women simply do not want to make a minimum response and cooperation for men, and some men are ignorant of the way of sex and pretend to be experts, Some women are reluctant to impose sexual blockade and punishment on men... In this way, the two good people may have big disputes and conflicts at any time because of such big or small problems. As time goes by, they will finally have to divorce in the middle and even end up with hatred.
Jin Lian is the most famous prostitute in history. She can play 38 sexual tricks with Ximen Qing. She also knows the communication skills in sexual love. For example, in the process of dying for immortals, she can constantly call Ximen Qing: "My pro Dada", "My heart and soul"... She was so happy that Ximen Qing lost seven of his three souls, so that among more than a dozen sexual partners, large and small, Pan Jinlian has always been the favorite of Ximen Qing. I have no intention of advocating that women should be Pan Jinlian and men should be Ximen Qing. I just want to say that, on the premise of not forgetting the grand occasion of life, thousands of men and women should pay attention to and treat sex kindly in their marital relationships. You know, this is the "great desire of human beings" in the minds of ancient sages and sages.
It can be said that although sex is a part of human physiology, sex and other factors related to sex (sexual psychology, sexual morality, sexual feelings, etc.) affect all aspects of human life, and even determine the quality of life in marriage and love!
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