The pain of growth probably comes from the deficit between personal development and life process in some specific period of time.
On September 18, 2020, the history was reviewed again. Silent bells are ringing in the air, invisible flags are flying in the air, hovering around my ears and emerging in my heart in silence. I went to the examination room to welcome the most important selection in my undergraduate career. That night, I saw my name on the website. The title of the document was "Publicity of the Selection Results of the 23rd Graduate Volunteer Group". On the map, I marked Longzhou, a small city in Guangxi, which is located in the southwest border of the motherland and about 1775 kilometers away from Jinhua, Zhejiang Province; In the diary, write down "going to volunteer education is not the only solution, but the best solution in my mind". The silent writing under the light makes me feel familiar, and I think of some seemingly unrelated trivia for no reason, about the words I wrote on the stationery in the past for a long time.
The addressee whom I have never met
On the first day of November 2017, I wrote my first letter to Gansu. At that time, I had just entered the university, and I still knew a little about the countless future. However, I still wrote this paragraph in my diary: "Dear child, please allow me to call you this way. I'm glad that we can get in touch with each other through a letter. You may never see this paragraph I wrote here, but I sincerely wish you a lot of good luck."
In the first ten days of every month, letters from Gansu are mailed to Zhejiang and come to my university. I received the paired letters as a volunteer, and began to read the replies, and then sent them back to Gansu in the last ten days of the month. In the process of receiving and sending letters, I kept a long-term and stable contact with a distant recipient whom I had never met.
For me, this connection has lasted for nearly two years.
When I wrote the first letter, I was a freshman, and the recipient was a junior two student in Lixian County, Gansu Province; By the time I wrote my last letter, I was about to enter my junior year, almost halfway through my undergraduate life, and my recipient was about to complete his high school entrance exam, and move to a new stage of life. During the nearly two years of correspondence, witness and company are actually mutual. I accompanied him with letters to answer his doubts, enlighten his emotions, help him outline the college life, and witness that he spent the crucial two years before the high school entrance examination. Similarly, in the confused days of my first two years of college, his words brought me infinite warmth and strength.
"I remember when I was a teenager, everyone was sincere and said the same thing." Muxin wrote about the past in "Past Slow", from the sun to cars, horses and mails. Having been used to the life of the Internet for a long time, it is no longer common to write letters on paper with a pen. So in my first letter, I wrote: "I like this slowness, and I would like to be your tree hole in the distance." In writing one stroke at a time, the past time, emotions and experiences were captured and recorded; Numerous hopes, wishes and expectations have gradually taken root and sprouted in the passing of back and forth.
I have discussed many topics in my letters with my distant recipients, from how to practice calligraphy to literary creation, from textbook learning to daily chores. Apart from other contact methods and without the interference of many social software, our communication in letters is actually quiet and gentle. I am a student of the Chinese Department, and I always have an anonymous piety when I write a word. Therefore, I always think long and silently before I pick up my pen. In the night when I walked from the picture and text information center to the dormitory area, I heard the sound of raindrops hitting the umbrella face, and I would guess whether there would be such humid air in Gansu far away; In the daytime when I walk from the teaching building to the canteen, I feel the aroma of food in the air, and I will think about whether the cooking of food in the distance is the same. As a result, the words finally presented in my pen always reveal every bit of my life.
In the middle of every month, I am looking forward to his letter, wondering what he will say to me or ask me in this letter. In a letter by letter puzzle, we see each other in the distance. For me, this is my first long-term communication with the west. At the other end of the pen is Lixian County, Gansu Province, about 1788 kilometers away from me. It is a boy who is 4 years younger than me. During my correspondence with him, I frequently recalled my junior high school life, and recalled my mentality, emotions and experiences at that time. I want to find shining fragments from my past time, and extract treasures that can be shared with him from these fragments. In fact, in many ways, time itself is a test question. It allows forgetting to happen, emotion to dissipate, memory to blur, and people to disperse; But in many cases, it is also an answer. It allows changes to occur, experiences to be rich, memories to be long, and years to echo.
After writing, we packed our bags and jumped into the boundless sea of people. The words on the paper are like dusty ciphers, waiting for us to use them randomly in a long time. In the past, now or in the future, we are all writing our own feelings.
When the eyes began to turn to the west of the motherland, the sea breeze blew head-on that summer.
Always remember the wind in summer
In July 2019, I went to a small island in eastern Zhejiang Province for the summer social practice activities of college student volunteers, where I brought the curriculum teaching of summer school for children. Although I am a normal student in a normal university, it is also my first time to have classes independently. The school is located on a beautiful island. The afterglow in the evening is bright, and even the wind seems particularly gentle.
Although they thought they had made sufficient preparation for the lessons, made most of the slides for the lessons in advance, and supervised each other to complete the simulated lessons, it was not the seemingly deliberate preparation that finally resolved the tension, but the children who still smiled brightly when they met for the first time in the classroom.
I stood at the door of the classroom, waiting for the arrival of the children in the class. They smiled and said "Hello, teacher" to me. At that moment, all my anxieties and worries were gently swept away, and all my imagination about being a teacher took root. In the classroom, the children surrounded me and talked with me about their lives, their parents and their good friends. In their world of innocence, I seem to be a fresh outsider. They can't wait to share themselves and their simple little world with me. Even if I come to them for the first time, they don't mind telling me the most beautiful people and things in their hearts in detail. A little girl sitting in the front row didn't share much with me, but she grabbed me before class and put a piece of sugar in my hand, because the sugar paper was wrinkled after holding it for a long time.
I thought that the long practical life ended suddenly, and the hardships I feared before starting seemed to be insignificant in reality: I could not get used to the seaside food, but I drank the most delicious laver soup in my life; I returned to my place of residence every day in the dark, but I saw the shining stars in the sky that I had never seen before. The day of farewell was actually quite ordinary. I dragged my suitcase out of the place where I stayed, walked through the space where I did morning exercises every day, and walked through the only way to the classroom every day. But I didn't even dare to look back or look into the distance. We hugged and said goodbye to our partners, laughing and talking, and reddened our eyes. I think I'm lucky. I haven't experienced the farewell with the children. My partner told me that a child held her hand and asked her if she would come back next year. After leaving the school, a child still turned around and waved to her partner and shouted "goodbye, teacher".
I firmly believed that the busy life will gradually smooth these emotions, and the children's freshness will be exhausted in time. But a year later, in the summer of 2020, a companion told me that the child there still insisted on sending her videos and photos on WeChat, and still naively asked whether I could see the teacher again this summer. I didn't know how to respond, but I had to frequently wipe the tears from the corners of my eyes when talking. I was thinking that I would always like to stay with the children.
At that time, I was at the moment of graduation, and had many seemingly good future paths. It seemed that the best answer for everyone to preset for me was to protect my research and further education step by step. I frequently participated in various activities that summer, and felt exhausted countless times during the continuous lack of sleep and long journey.
There is no better way to travel from school to Jinggangshan in Jiangxi than by train. On the bumpy green train, I saw the recruitment documents of the graduate school branch. I scanned the uncomplicated notices again and again. I was thinking for a long time whether what the public recognized was what I really wanted.
The train went all the way west, but the sea breeze a year ago seemed to blow to me from the east. So I gave up all other opportunities and began to wait for the recruitment and selection of the research group in September. Behind all the seemingly unusual choices are the witnesses of the past.
In the great tide of the times, we can still anchor our own coordinates.
It's a reunion, not a first meeting
In June 2021, after all the dust had settled, I came to Guangxi in advance for a brief class familiarization and handover. It was the first time I came to Guangxi and Longzhou, witnessed the beautiful sunset in Longzhou, and felt the hot and gentle evening wind here.
I stepped into the class for the first time and looked at the young faces that were still unfamiliar at that time. It seemed that all the imagination in the past years had taken root in that moment. I felt so clearly for the first time that the volunteer teaching life had begun.
When I first heard about the city of Longzhou, it seemed that I was still far away from graduating from the university. At that time, I did not expect to have such an indissoluble bond with it. It is located at the west end of Guangxi's youngest district city, bordering Vietnam. There is a prefix in the full name of the research group called "China Youth Volunteer Poverty Alleviation Relay Plan". Now, we should start thinking about the path from poverty alleviation to revitalization.
Sometimes, the pace of the times will push us forward, but before experiencing the magnificent historical process, we need to do a good job in every little thing that comes before us.
Before the start of school, I received a notice from the branch campus, so the relocation work ran through most of the summer vacation. I moved office supplies and class supplies to the new campus one by one. In late August, I participated in the cleaning of the new campus while preparing for the upcoming school opening. I helped to clean the classroom and dormitory in advance, and checked relevant safety problems; The class seats, dormitory arrangements, meal arrangements, various schedules, various school information and registration procedures have been prepared.
In the busy preparation, the school registration day arrived as scheduled.
Before I knew the children in the class, I had remembered all their names. At the beginning of school, for me, it was a process of matching my name with myself. In the first two days of school, I occasionally had students deliberately introduce themselves to me with their invented names. I could easily see through such situations. They smiled childishly and asked me how you knew. I thought to myself that I would not tell you that I knew you long before you knew me.
It is a wonderful process to become familiar from strangers. Standing now, when I look back at the first photo taken in June, I can call out the name of each student in the photo. The unfamiliar face at that time overlaps with the memory today, forming a kind of chemical reaction in my mind that can be called wonderful.
For me, this is not a first meeting, but a reunion.
Love hidden in homework
The first midterm examination after teaching was not satisfactory. When I stood on the platform to analyze the test paper, I thought of the average score and the score distribution, and I couldn't help but red my eyes. I paused for a few seconds to adjust my attitude and tone, and then continued to comment. No one seemed to notice my temporary gaffe. I only caught a glimpse of Daliang and Xiaoliang staring at me in silence with wide eyes in the afterglow.
Both Daliang and Xiaoliang are surnamed Liang, and the two lively and cheerful girls are at the same table. They are the language experts in the class and the language class representatives respectively. Before school was over at noon, they came to the office, hurriedly handed me a composition book, urged me to read it, and then ran away quickly. After reading the first two lines, I have already understood that this is a novel with simple artistic processing, and the protagonist is me.
I came here with full of passion, tension and vision, but I soon found that the accumulated internship, probation and short-term teaching experience did not seem to work. I rack my brains every day to make the classroom more interesting, even to fight wits and courage with children, just to let as many students as possible complete and hand in Chinese homework, but the results are not satisfactory.
The teacher in the novel, like me, made some clumsy efforts. At the end of the story, he wrote, "Give more time, everything will be better".
I am full of courage again, continue to adjust my teaching ideas, talk with each student, and pay more attention to the correction and evaluation of exercises. The good wishes in the novel seemed to come into reality, and the homework turned in better and better. One day, I even corrected the Chinese homework of a child who never handed in any homework.
Just when I was surprised, Daliang came to the office and asked me if I found any special features of today's homework. Then she told me with a proud smile that she had a way to make that student hand in the homework on time every day. The way that Liang swore makes me feel that this matter is not so simple, because change is often not so easy.
After assigning the homework for the day, I went to the class frequently after class to chat with my classmates. In a break, I finally found something different. Daliang seemed to think I hadn't noticed. She turned around and took the girl's exercise book directly, then picked up her pen and began to write quickly. It turned out that her method was to write on behalf of others. Their handwriting was very similar, and with a little deliberate imitation, I could not find it immediately.
I called Daliang to the office and seriously ordered her to stop this behavior. She remained silent for a long time. I began to sigh in my heart and asked her why she did it. She glanced up at me, but then lowered her head quickly. Then I heard her grievance voice coming weakly: "I'm afraid you will be sad if you don't receive your homework, and that's not true of Xiao Liang." (Liu Han, member of the 23rd Research Group of Zhejiang Normal University)
Xiaoliang, my class representative, has always been very clever. Every morning, he will come to the office with full energy and say hello to me, and then give me the collected homework. I can't imagine what this matter has to do with Xiaoliang. Countless complex emotions flooded into my mind, and at that moment countless possibilities emerged in my mind. I softened my tone and asked in a low voice what was going on. It turned out that Xiaoliang would take the initiative to find some students to help them with their Chinese homework every day after class, and let them take out their homework books to explain the Chinese homework of the day, so as to hand in the Chinese homework on time.
Looking at the Chinese homework neatly stacked on my desk every morning, I suddenly felt that those thin exercise books were so thick. I thought all this was due to my own clumsy efforts. As written in the novel written by Daliang and Xiaoliang, the magic time magic worked.
The students in the novel told their Chinese teacher how lucky it was to meet them across 1700 kilometers because of such a wonderful fate. And I want to tell them that I was too lucky to meet them. Can let them behind me, in a way I do not know, with the same clumsy efforts as I, carefully hide love into the homework, day after day.
As we grow older, we get to know more and more people. We seem to forget that our world was once very small, with only families and schools, only relatives, classmates and teachers. Their world is so simple and their love is so pure, which makes me seem so precious.
In the roaring time, someone always loves you silently.
Ideal love never goes out of style
The children's reading comprehension foundation is weak. They are addicted to short videos and can enjoy watching even the most ordinary corn drying videos, but they are unwilling to open any famous books. The math teacher told me that it was difficult to explain some word problems in class because I could not understand the questions.
I am determined to lead the children in reading training and accumulation in the classroom, starting with the most easily understood children's literature. After learning a children's literature work in the textbook, I carefully selected a picture book to read with the children in class. Little Esborne's grandfather became a ghost after his death because he had forgotten something. He and Esborne recalled the past together and spent several wonderful nights together.
I have read this picture book many times, but at the end, Esborne's grandfather finally remembered that the thing he had forgotten was actually saying goodbye to Esborne. I still felt the urge to cry and my voice was choked. A child under the stage suddenly said loudly, "You read yourself and cried!" She seemed to see a very novel and interesting thing and gave out a very loud laugh. Then, the whole class began to laugh, as if our class had just finished telling an extremely funny joke.
The children were not moved by the death and love described in the picture book, they were only interested in the look of my tears. At that moment, the huge loss grabbed my heart, but I still thought that maybe this story was not enough to attract them. I continue to use my spare time to read with them. When I read an article delicately describing my family, they will loudly question to me that this is a daily account; When reading a story about bullying on campus, the children's impression is that the illustration of the hero boy is very suitable to be used as the avatar of social software.
But in the daily study and life, it seems that there are also changes taking place gradually.
Before the evening self-study class, I suddenly saw the class photos in the school work group. Instead of secretly watching short videos on the classroom whiteboard as usual, the children were watching the Chinese Poetry Conference. I took the opportunity to send homework to the class and pretended to be surprised to ask why I was watching this. As usual, they answered me loudly with a smile, because there was no network in the classroom, so they could only click on it. But immediately, they added to me that when there is a network, they also watch this. When talking, the children naturally gathered around me. Every moment I get along with them, I can feel the simple trust and closeness.
During the extracurricular activity class, a girl in the class suddenly ran to the office and asked me: "Teacher, do you have any books to read?" At that moment, the evening sun lit up the girl's hair through the window of the office, and there was a soft light on her profile. I told her that I would pick up some books from my apartment tomorrow. The next morning, she had been waiting for me in the office and asked me what books I had brought.
People around me often ask me why I choose volunteer education. After standing on the three feet platform in the southwest of China, I began to re-examine this issue. In countless moments when I feel depressed and powerless, I will think about whether my arrival is really meaningful. Whenever I wander, the next moment there will always be warm details that will heal me, making me feel as if everything is just right. I finally understand that ideals and love are still the eternal mystery in my heart.
It's all my hometown
The unforgettable scenery always appears suddenly. When I came to Longzhou, the most scenery I saw was the sky here. In a short period of time, I have seen two rainbows, each bright and clear. There was a sound of surprise outside the window. With the sound, I looked out of the window, and sure enough, new scenery appeared in the sky. Every sunset happens to be the time for extracurricular activities in the school. Girls often trot all the way to the office and say to me in a light tone: "Teacher, take a quick picture of the sunset outside." The sunset outside the window melts gold, and the sky seems to have a special preference for Longzhou. Every sunset here is as quiet and beautiful as an aria.
In my ordinary life, I am constantly experiencing the connotation and essence of education. I will also be depressed, sad, frustrated, but determined is still the theme of my emotions. The time of volunteer teaching is ordinary, but there may be something extraordinary. Here, I have experienced many firsts in my life, the first time to fully understand the specific work of the head teacher, the first time to stand on the podium as a formal teacher, the first time to celebrate Teachers' Day, the first time to participate in festival celebrations as a host, and many firsts to make this time shine in memory.
As a special local, I am also integrating into Longzhou, feeling the temperature of this city.
The day I went to the community children's activity center for class, the little girl I met twice ran to me as soon as she saw me, hugged me, and then looked up at me with smiling eyes. At that time, I was preparing for the start of school every day. I inevitably felt the pressure for the upcoming start of school, but this hug brought me infinite warmth and strength. At that moment, I really felt the melting feeling of my heart. So I wrote: "I will always be cured by children."
In the past, I never thought that one day I would have a homelike sense of belonging to a city thousands of miles away. When I walked through the streets of Longzhou, I gradually became familiar with all the plants and trees here, and even the local accent of the streets and lanes made me feel friendly and appropriate.
A long time ago, I saw a slogan about the research group, called "Where the motherland needs, it is my hometown". So far, I am still moved by it. All love is home. In the southwest border of the motherland, in the best years of youth, I am so lucky that I am doing something worthwhile.
I occasionally stare at the sky of Longzhou for a long time, which is blue and clear. Since you are already crossing mountains and mountains, why worry about the lack of scenery on the road. In the growing pains of life, we keep catching up and write a biography for our own life. Looking back, we may find that our ordinary life is proof of the extraordinary times.