When a relative dies, how should we tell the child?

"Your father went on a business trip. If you behave well, he will come back to see you." Ms. Zhang recalled what she told her 3-year-old daughter when her husband died. Ms. Zhang has always regretted saying that. She told reporters that it was to protect children Son, she wants to tell the child when she can understand the death of her father. The mother who was immersed in grief ignored the child's response to this sentence until one day, the mother herself walked out of grief, only to find that the original lively Xiang's children are unusually obedient and quiet, and even have depression tendency. Under the guidance of psychological experts, the child expressed her concern: she thought her father would never come back, and her mother was so sad because she was disobedient. only If she obeys, Dad will surely come back.

What should we say when a child's favorite pet dies?

Ms. Wang recently encountered this incident. The hamster she had kept for nearly three years died. She was afraid that her grandson would be sad. Grandma wanted to throw the hamster away secretly, but she thought it was an educational opportunity, so she chose to tell the truth to her 7-year-old son, Cheng Cheng. She knew that her son had read "Bugs of Fable" and knew that many small insects could decompose animal carcasses. So mother and son began to talk about burying hamsters.

"Mom Mom, the insect will help to decompose Cang Tai Lang and turn it into food, so that the insect and the plant can get nutrition. " Cheng Cheng, who likes science popularization at ordinary times, takes the initiative to share these knowledge with his mother. The more topics he sees, the better. Ms. Zhang starts Guide, "Everyone and every small animal came to our life for a reason. The arrival of Kurtaro brought us joy and let us know the little animal, the hamster. Now it's gone, leaving us Remember, let us know what death is, but also test whether we have become brave and strong. Chengcheng is a strong child, right? " Hearing her mother say this, she nodded and stopped crying.

Don't fool the child into telling him what death is

Through the above two examples, we have to reflect on how adults should communicate with children when facing the topic of "death", which must be faced but no one wants to mention?

● infants and young children (0-4 years old), There is no concept of "death", and it is difficult to understand the concept of death. At this stage, parents can use some figurative and anthropomorphic methods to explain "death", for example, they can use the beloved toy of children as a metaphor for death. If the toy is broken and cannot be recovered, it is dead.

● Children aged 4 to 7 have already developed certain social cognitive ability. At this time, the primary "life education" for parents is to tell children that death is a very dangerous thing, and it is very important to cultivate children's safety awareness.

● Children who have gone to primary school (7-13 years old) already have a certain degree of independence, and they are in the same sad mood as adults. At this time, parents can't beat around the bush, but use metaphors and examples. They should face the child's The problem, from a scientific point of view, lets them look at this matter from a scientific perspective. You can take them to the nature museum and science and technology museum to see how people are born, grow up, grow old and die. Tell them calmly that they will not Will be afraid, but will gladly accept. However, parents should bear in mind that when expressing "death" with their children, they should never frighten them or let them have excessive fear of death.

Parents must not show their fear of death, otherwise children will also be vaguely afraid of death. Children should know that death is a natural thing. They will not move, eat or work after death.

Guide children to face death correctly through picture books

1. Xiaolu's Pond

http://houtai.bj-doctor.cn/files/Images/QQ%E5%9B%BE%E7%89%8720141015173342.png

Content introduction: The story takes Xiaolu's classmates as the first person, and the narration begins slowly. The little girl and Lu are neighbors who live on the same street. They are always inseparable. However, Lu's heart disease was getting worse and worse, and he finally died, leaving the sadness to the little girl and other students. So, everyone tried to find a way to commemorate Lu and smooth the wound inside.

2. Tom's Grandfather Dies

http://houtai.bj-doctor.cn/files/Images/QQ%E5%9B%BE%E7%89%8720141015173430.png

Content Abstract: Everything is not going well today. Tom's mother cried, and his father went home very early... Tom knew because his grandfather died. At first, he didn't understand what "death" was and what "death" meant? From Tom In the body, we saw how a child's understanding of death went through, the half understood confession, the spontaneous sadness, and the relief. For the dead relatives, we have something better than crying The way to miss them. Life has an end, but love lasts forever.

three Grandma's Amulet

http://houtai.bj-doctor.cn/files/Images/QQ%E5%9B%BE%E7%89%8720141015173451.jpg

Content Abstract: Grandma went to the mountain to ask her grandson for a safety sign, which said: "Five hundred arhats have safe traffic.". Since then, 500 arhats have always protected the little boy with their own lives. Slowly, there are fewer arhats! Until one day, the boy grew up to be a teenager. When he took the train to a far place alone, the train crashed. The only one left was an arhat who was tottering. The boy picked up the arhat and rushed out of the car. Luohan finally turned into ashes and floated to the sky Empty... The boy took off the amulet and caressed it with his hands. He looked far into the distance at the light of the sky and began his journey alone.

In addition, there are Badger's Gift, Goodbye, Grandma Emma, Grandpa Becomes a Phantom, Cats Who Live One Million Times, I Love You Forever, and so on. (Editor: Jiao Qiubin)

Beijing Doctor Network original, reprint please indicate the source!

Original link: http://www.bj-doctor.cn/preschool/info/1eda3212-8385-4ed0-9e15-1982c614b078
Reference:
How to make children face "separation" when pets die   Sichuan Education News Network 2014-10-13
How can children understand death?     Sohu mother and baby 2008-5-28
How can life education help children deal with death correctly?     Special Topic of NetEase Education