It is believed that Baba Mama people all have such experience. They have told their children many times, but they can't listen or learn anything. It is no use for parents to "threaten" with toys, whether it is homework or living habits. I was so angry that I even doubted whether the villain in front of me was born

In fact, sometimes you think that children don't listen because we haven't found the right way to communicate. Only then did my parents get angry, and the child still "got drunk" that How to communicate in the end, children will not resist What about?

01

Stabilize your emotions before dealing with problems

Each of us will be affected by emotions, and we can understand that people are prone to unscrupulous when they are angry. So let's deal with the emotional problem first. The emotional problem here refers not only to the parents themselves, but also to the children.

Although sometimes children often do something that makes people feel confused, parents can think about it before talking, What is the emotion behind the child's doing this? What are his actual needs? Can he really understand why I don't want TA to do this?

The real purpose of our communication with children is to inspire and guide, not to transform. The top-down authoritative management will create a negative emotional atmosphere in the family over a long period of time, which is easy for children to resist,.

So parents should think about the following three questions before talking to their children:

Are my next words true and not subjective?

Is what I want to say helpful to children?

Will my words hurt the child?

Think more before you open your mouth, and your communication with your child may be more efficient.

02

Only in this way can children listen

What skills and principles can be followed for effective communication when it comes to the most concerned step of parents?

Sandwich communication method Sandwich Feedback Technique

This title is very attractive, isn't it?

It is a very practical method in parent-child communication. Everyone knows that sandwiches are two pieces of bread with one piece of meat. So it tells us Parent child communication has such a simple formula: praise guidance praise (Bread meat bread). It is said that in the northwest of China, this is also called the meatloaf communication method

For example, the children's room is too messy, and you want to let the TA clean it up by himself. The sandwich method is as follows:

Remember the last time my sister came to play at home, you cleaned the room after playing with toys together. Bread

Today you can also tidy up your room and put away your toys Meat

Mom thinks you can do it, and she will be there when you need help! Bread

OFNR four step communication method

In addition to the "sandwich communication method", Little E also introduces a method most commonly used by European and American parents. You need to remember the following four steps:

Observation |  As mentioned above, first show the facts you have heard or seen;

Feelings Feeling| Express your intuitive feelings based on the facts you find;

Needs |  Put forward what you want;

Requests Requirements| Say what you want the other person to do.

Let's try a scenario. When a child plays video games for more than the specified time, he is still playing How can parents communicate with their children to stop playing games?

(Observation) Still playing games? Do you remember you said you would stop playing at 8:30?

(Feelings) Mom thinks you have been playing games for a long time, and if you don't do what you promised her, she will be unhappy.

(Needed by Needs) Mom can understand if you want to play games, but you haven't finished your homework today. Mom hopes you can do what you say and do what you say!

(Requests) How about you play for another ten minutes to do your homework, or you go to do your homework right now and come out to play for half an hour after you finish it?

Use positive words instead of negative words as concluding remarks

What does that mean?

When parents see their children playing, playing or running in public, do you blurt out——

"Don't make any noise!"

"Don't run!"

……

Usually this doesn't work for children, and you will find that they should run and make a noise. Because for children, you said "Don't touch! "In fact, children can only hear the last word, Touch! You say: Don't run, don't Cry...... In the child's ears, TA can only remember running and crying.

Why is this? There is a very famous psychological experiment called "Don't think about the pink elephant" pink elephant The content of the experiment is as follows:

Participants were asked not to imagine a "pink elephant" in the room, but no one succeeded. Just like the pink elephant will appear in your head endlessly.

This experiment proves that the more you are not allowed to do something Sometimes, we will increase the possibility of doing this. The same applies to parent-child communication.

So when we ask children not to run, we should actually say: "Go slowly and be careful."

When we ask children not to cry, we should actually say: "Relax and calm down."

In the process of communication with children, the end is to praise TA, so that children will be more likely to remember your words and feel confident when hearing your words.

Get to the essence?

Finally, we will draw a key point, just like the famous football coach Ferguson summarized his philosophy of managing players, which is simply two words: Praise and "Positive feedback" 。

The communication methods mentioned above are not only suitable for parents and children, but also for getting along with others at ordinary times. However, we need to practice and try them gradually.

Do you have any tips for communicating with Xiong Wa? Come to the message area to share