What should people who think they lack love do_ Xiong Ling Psychological Counseling

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What should people who think they lack love do?

(2014-10-23 09:31:56)

label:

Lack of love

Emotional writer

Emotional confusion

Chengdu Blue Sky Psychology

Xiong Ling Psychological Consultation

Classification: Marriage and emotion

——Exclusive interview with Xiong Ling: If love is a disease, then we have reason to know more about it (5)

Interviewer: Shanghai Soul Coffee Edit Chen Jie

Interviewed expert: Xiong, chief consultant of Chengdu Blue Sky Psychological Consultation Ling

http://www.lantian99.com.cn/upload/1409/b2617322165.jpg

ten Soul Coffee:

Why do people who shout about their lack of love feel their lack of love?

What kind of person is really lacking in love?

What should people who think they lack love do?

The bear Ling ：

People's words and deeds are internal signals, and people are because they come from my understanding of others. However, some people may not really know themselves through their own words and deeds. For example, a person who likes to complain, she only sees the other person's "bad" from the appearance and thinks that she should complain about him, but she will never realize that it is because her heart is too small to accommodate the difference of sensitive personality. The person who likes to complain, like the person who cries out about lack of love, is lack of love. Shouting is also a kind of complaint. The difference between the person who cries out is that he directly complains about his lack of love, while the person who complains is that he blames others and never says he has a problem.

Why do complainers lack love? Because complaining is an aggressive behavior (in attitude and language), there is naturally a backlog of anger due to injury behind the attack. As for where the injury and resentment come from, how can we accumulate resentment? It's very complicated. If you go on, it will become a lecture. You'd better omit it. We can simply understand that a person, whether physically or mentally, lacks something, either because he did not gain it after birth or because he lost it later. Therefore, there are many people who lack love. Those who are conscious of the lack of love should say that it is important to strengthen their own learning, especially the learning of love lessons. Because we can't go back to the past, but we can choose to "learn love" from now on. One is to learn to love ourselves: that is, we can no longer dislike our lack of love and complain about our bad fate; The second is to learn to love people around you: that is, stop complaining about others' bad work and give more care to others. Remember, complaining will only hurt people, but will not bring love.

I believe that the following words are very helpful to "people who claim to lack love": only by forgiving others can you realize that you are forgiven; Only by giving love can you feel loved; Only by respecting others can we feel our dignity.

eleven Soul Coffee:

Is it possible that every person who loves deeply is in danger of becoming a paranoid analyst?

How to deal with such selfish desires as control and possession, so that they can prove the existence of love without destroying love and better serve love?

The bear Ling ：

Of course, not all of them are sick lovers. Those who become paranoid when they love deeply do show their love of control and possessiveness, which is a kind of people mentioned earlier. They have paranoid or narcissistic personality disorder. If their control and possession hurt each other, they are also unconscious. The lovers who get along with them can first understand this, which can reduce their anger over their personality traits. If they get along with them for a long time, it is important to set a boundary. They need to gently refuse or insist on not cooperating with their stubborn "wishful thinking" and "dealing with others by themselves".

twelve Soul Coffee:

A person may have two completely contradictory views on sexuality. On the one hand, he thinks it is "dirty and invisible", and on the other hand, he thinks it is a "clean and simple desire". When such a contradiction occurs to people, what kind of impact will it have on love between people?

Bear Ling ：

If there is a contradiction in one's heart, there will also be contradictions in the relationship. The system theory tells us that if one side of the scale is heavy, the other side will not be stable and will rise. It can be guessed that a person who has a dual attitude towards sex will also have both good and bad feelings in terms of sex appeal. In the process of sex, he (she) may not only make himself (herself) as sexual as possible, but also make the other party unhappy. What is important is that people with a dual concept of sex will have the characteristics of following the rules, stubbornness, and rigidity in their personality, which is likely to cause trouble to both parties' interests, communication and exchanges.

thirteen Soul Coffee: .

You mentioned that one of the ways for art creators to generate inspiration is to experience pain. As a special art creation profession, emotional writers should be evaluated when their personal emotional life is always not smooth?

What is your love advice to these people?

The bear Ling ：

Looking at the works of emotional writers, if I know that "this work" was written by him when his personal emotional life was not smooth, I first think it is to write his feelings of real life, to digest and metabolize his unsatisfactory feelings and emotions with his works, and to keep a distance from his views; If I don't know the "this work" under that premise, then I will have a self judgment on the pros and cons, identity or not of the views of the work based on my own feelings and experience. And trust your own judgment.

Whether or not the views in the works of emotional writers affect others and how much they affect others mainly depend not on the writer's mood or values, but on the readers, and vary greatly depending on the readers' preferences. In my opinion, an excellent writer will not subvert the truth, confuse logic, or go against the correct value orientation because of his own emotions. He will even write thought-provoking ideas because of his own pain. The reader's taste is a product of good and bad works.

The question is, why is the personal emotional life of emotional writers always not smooth? As a writer who writes about emotions, no, he should be a writer who studies emotions. Has he ever reflected on his emotional life? I have no suggestions for such people. They are emotional experts themselves. I just want to ask a question out of curiosity. He can write a monograph "Anatomy of Self Emotional Code" through his writing skills to see himself clearly. We all need to grow. Writing is just a good way to find ourselves and realize ourselves.