Xiong Ling: Who Hurted Me (Part 1) _ Xiong Ling Psychological Counseling

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Xiong Ling: Who Hurts Me (I)

(2014-04-15 15:12:11)

label:

hurt

Milan Kundera

Perfect crime

Psychodynamics

Xiong Ling Psychological Consultation

Classification: Psychology and disease

——On the Spiritual Dynamics of Perfect Crime (IV)

I like Milan Kundera's works very much. I have read some of his novels and read his Art of Fiction in detail. I accidentally saw an essay "Kundera and God's Laughter" by an unknown author, and was attracted by the explanation of the two reasons for "indefinitely delaying value judgment", and had a rethinking of the psychodynamics of perfect crime.

The explanation of "two reasons for indefinitely delaying value judgment" in the essay:

Kundera's important code of novel art: suspending moral laws, indefinitely delaying value judgment and establishing humor as the noumenon of the novel, so as to reach existence.

Kundera (to man as the subject) postponed value judgment indefinitely for the following reasons: (1) The rise of science pushed man into a tunnel of specialized training. The more people make progress in knowledge, the more they can't see the world as a whole, and the more they can't see themselves. Then he fell further into what Heidegger called "the oblivion of existence" in beautiful, almost mysterious terms. Once people are transcended by the illusion of technologism, existence will be covered and forgotten. Only novels can clarify existence. It is a brave exploration of the forgotten existence, thus putting the life world under the eternal light. He believes that the critical quality of reason and thought has been accompanied by a dizzying process of simplification - the simplification of existence. Therefore, he suspended his judgment, did not point to the truth and good, and did not undertake the moral mission. No longer emphasize the identity, but emphasize the variation; It no longer emphasizes consistency, but emphasizes difference; It does not emphasize the conclusion of the event, but the unrest and uncertainty of the event. Then let the existence show, let the author hide from the work. Of course, what he suspended was judgment rather than real suspension of thought, which was the essence of the phenomenological master Husserl. Obviously, Hu is the spiritual nurse of Kundera's novel art.

This reason touched my rethinking of the psychological motivation of psychosis or neurosis: the mental world of neurosis patients, there are imprisoned emotional (or perceptual) selves, and the self of moral guardians (or idealists) is active. The existence of this psychological reality is directly related to the external environment.

In many neuroses, you will find that they are so unconscious, pious and try hard to be what others expect. They are struggling on the road beyond their ability. They have no idea who they are and why they are forced to pursue? Some of them, however hard they tried, could not find their own existence value; Some people, although they have a lot, feel more empty and far away from themselves.

For example, an architect who is only 40 years old, he owns his own company with his own efforts and earns a lot of money. But after his career and family became successful, he went into depression in vain. He said that he could not experience the joy and power of life, and living was like a burden, a kind of helplessness

In fact, there are many successful people who fall down after success, or suffer from psychological diseases such as depression. Why? We have to reflect: What is success? What is ego, and what exists between ego and success?

Based on Kundera's thought, it can be explained that the essence of the complex psychology of neurosis is lack of self existence. The root cause of scarcity lies in the lack of spiritual breast milk in early life (childhood). This conclusive view is explained below.

（1） Understanding of the key words "self, spiritual breast milk, growing self, existence"

Self: human self is an internality and passion, which is a concept of how one sees oneself. It is not a fixed entity, but a generating process. People's inner world, there is no counting of self. In other words, human personality is composed of countless egos.

The spiritual breast milk here refers to the milk needed for the psychological development of children. It can be summarized by the famous words of psychologist Kohut: "What a mother gives to a baby is the response he or she needs, and what she gives to him or her in childhood is determination without hostility and empathy without temptation". This sentence is a bit confusing, but you can feel its lasting appeal. The popular understanding is that: for a child aged 0 to 3 years old, the mother must give her meticulous love emotionally, so that the child can form a primitive sense of security, which is the basis of the sense of self existence as well as the foundation of self-confident self; At the age of 4 to 8, the mother, including other caregivers, will do something to the child: gently and firmly refuse unreasonable demands, have boundary (without subjective purpose) identification, support the child's emotional needs, so that the child can form a self disciplined, judgmental and selective, confident, thoughtful and cheerful self.

Growing self: as Fromm emphasized, "productive self" refers to that man has his own independent action ability to exert self value.

Existence: refers to the psychological reality of people, which inevitably depends on the productive self of people. If there is a lack of productive self, or the negative self occupied by the heart, then people may feel exhausted, helpless, fear and other feelings.

Existence derives the following self problems: self ideal, success and other concepts.

When people grow up, they focus on success or failure. Although different people have different opinions on the definition of success, I think Buffett's interpretation is the most classic. When Buffett, who is over 70 years old, gave a speech at a university in the United States, he asked students, "What do you think is the real success?" He replied, "When you get to my age, you will know that success is not money, but a measure of how many people you really care about and love you. The key to success is to see whether you live in a loving relationship.".

The sentence "The key to success is whether you live in a loving relationship" is very precise: it is the spiritual breast milk that supports people to grow into themselves.

The subject with a sense of self existence is based on such a structure: external love relationship+growing self. This is a causal logic relationship. Without the former, there would be no relatively sound subject.

（2） Early self damage

Spiritual breast milk is like biological rain and dew to babies. For human, an advanced creature, spiritual breast milk is the gene of sound personality and the rain of human spiritual life.

Explore the personality of neurosis patients and find that the self existence referred to by the above "keywords" is seriously lacking. It cannot be denied that their loss of self is due to the shortage of spiritual breast milk when they are weak, just like seedlings in drought. I don't know their fate, but their hearts must be hungry for rain and dew. The various childish manifestations of the so-called "not growing up" are people's emotional self stagnation in childhood, but that is not what we often say "not want to grow up", but "lack of milk" syndrome.

So, if a person is short of spiritual breast milk in his early days, what does he absorb? Can children's experiences really determine people's self and destiny?

As the saying goes, "From childhood, we can see how old we are when we are three years old" has emphasized the correctness of "childhood determinism" in psychology. A little explanation: children aged 0-3 have neither logical thinking nor language ability. They "copy" the impression they touched at that time by feeling. At that time, what kind of object image you experience through touch and eyes will be deeply engraved in people's sensory memory. Those feelings and impressions have become "self images" that they cannot choose. Therefore, for people's growth, the content of their words is not important at that time (because it is impossible to remember what you said), but the nonverbal emotional links and emotional attitudes are crucial (because you remember your good and evil images).

Psychoanalytic research believes that the loss of self object in childhood is the root of psychological shadow, and the lost object is left in the unconscious of the subject. As a result, self identifies with the lost object, which itself becomes the "shadow of the abandoned object", the empty identity, and the target of the cruel superego persecution. In depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder, it can be felt that they are forced and controlled by some mysterious value force. That mysterious power is too strong a cold superego.

For example, the W architect mentioned above, whose father died unexpectedly when he was 3 years old, has been growing up with a single mother with a manic personality. Such bereavement and the mother's character have already caused a heavy blow to the child's "love relationship". What's worse, W loved to draw cartoons in primary school, but his mother regarded it as "useless" and asked him to learn the Olympian math he did not like. In middle school, his mother somehow persuaded him to study engineering and become a "valuable expert" in the future, saying that this was both his mother's wish and his father's will... When he became an adult, W often dreamed of being chased by a group of tigers, or by people in black. During his depression, he often had the same dream: walking in the endless desert, feeling helpless and desperate, or wandering in the uninhabited wild grassland, crying in fear and loneliness, often crying to wake up.

W's mental journey shows a reflection of "the sense of self-worth was severely damaged in the early stage". The child's "growing self" that he could have built was tampered with by his parents' "wishes". Like all children who lack spiritual breast milk in their early years, what they absorb is not the spiritual breast milk needed for growth, but the sad tears of losing their father's love, the manic and depressed feelings of their mothers, and the ideal mission of their mothers like mountains.

If we say that dreams are the interpretation of human mind, the dreams that W often has reflect his terrible "autocratic" self: the tiger in the dream can be a metaphor for the mother who persecutes him and his mother's demands; The man in black can be used as a metaphor for negative emotions and the suppression of angry emotions. (Here, I will not give a detailed explanation of W's case and dream.) I want to point out that in W's emotional world, those who love, hate, love and worry about themselves are covered up layer by layer by the "empty shadow" representing the serious parents' ideal. As the conscience or moral self of his subject, the "empty shadow" drives his growth and leads to "success".

However, from the point of view that people become apathetic and unmotivated, any success that can not achieve self pride and self gratification is at the cost of self sacrifice, and self was successfully killed by those great "empty shadow" ideals. That kind of success is a failed success.

(to be continued)

Sichuan Chengdu Blue Sky Psychological Consultation Xiong Ling 2014.3.5