1691 comments
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First of all, I realized that I was judging others. Consciously stopping judging others will push us not to judge ourselves -
Put all your attention on yourself and be aware of what is really unmet. These needs may be multi-level, or they may be the needs to complete an ongoing task and be respected and recognized. These needs have nothing to do with specific people. These perceptions further promote how we do to meet our needs. For example, when you finish your work, you can focus on your current work. If you want to gain recognition, you don't need to do it from a single object, even from your own recognition. These thoughts allow us to take more optional actions instead of indulging in negative emotions -
Why did that meet what needs? Once we take the initiative to think about this, we can better understand ourselves and forgive our behavior at that time. "Regret is always unavoidable, but there is no need to regret" -
Now, what needs are not satisfied and you feel "guilty, guilty, depressed"? It may need to be concerned, recognized, appreciated and understood. After active thinking, the previous feelings of "guilt, guilt, depression" will be replaced by other feelings, such as "sadness, sadness, regret, fear". Instead of condemning ourselves, we will be motivated to meet our immediate needs, so that we can learn, gain and grow from them. When you criticize yourself and feel "guilty, guilty and depressed", it is also an opportunity for self growth. -
Misinterpretation of the source of "feeling". In reality, we can easily blame our feelings on others, such as "he is always lazy and makes me angry". The subconscious here is that we hope to make the other party feel guilty through this expression, and hope to use the other party's guilt to achieve our goals, which is actually a kind of language "violence". Instead of "nonviolent communication", it is roughly as follows: when I went home every day this week, my clothes were directly thrown on the sofa (observation). I felt unhappy (feeling), and I hoped that my home would be cleaner and more comfortable (needed). Can you put your clothes on the hanger? " It can be found that the same emotion can be expressed in a different way to reduce confrontation, which is amazing. The latter does not blame the other party, but focuses more on the other party's ability to meet their needs. -
The misinterpretation of "have to". I often think when I get up in the morning that I have to get up and go to work again today, and I have to face those worries at work again today. This kind of expression is a choice that others force them to make, and they have no other choice, which weakens their personal responsibility. The suggestion in the book is changed to "I choose ___ because". For example, the expression above can be changed to "I choose to get up and go to work every day because I want to get paid so that I can live a more decent and free life". In this expression, we can see that the choice we make is to meet our specific needs. -
Good environment: environment is important, for example, it is easier to focus in a quiet environment. However, many times there may not be such a good environment, so you can try a better environment, such as earplugs or pure music, full screen documents, etc., but be careful not to give up the basics. -
The first action that can see the significant effect: if you are writing an article, it is easy to hold back a word in the afternoon. The reason is probably that we think too much in our minds. From the summary of the article to all kinds of details are in our minds, instead of on paper, so we can not focus on one point. So we can consider writing down a few points first, and then not paying too much attention to the format, Then go to the first point. After finishing the first point, you will find that the following content has a natural idea. If you are writing code, you can try to start from UT and complete the first verifiable UT. If you do not have the conditions to write UT, you can start from completing the first code that can be compiled, and then go to the function that actually produces specific functions. You must not create a bunch of files at the beginning of kuchikuchi, and the compilation fails. You want to write the compilation at one time. This is a very serious error. -
The determination to enter the state: You must have the determination to enter the state. For example, you do plan to complete a task tonight, which is very important. -
Long time length: it is better to enter the state from 1 hour. If it is too short, there is limited work to be done, so it is necessary to ensure that this hour is not interrupted by other things (such as a meeting, when others come to ask questions, etc.) -
Single work content: focus on one thing instead of switching multiple tasks at the same time -
Normally, operation B is performed first, and then operation C. -
After the A operation is executed, it is expected that there will be no B operation or C operation, but the A operation is a cross thread asynchronous process (usually within a few milliseconds or tens of milliseconds).
About me
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I come from a small city in the south. I have a quiet personality and hate going with the tide.