Previously, I had excellent achievements, but now I am suddenly not interested in anything; I used to talk about everything to my parents, but now I always shut them out; The obedient children suddenly have several scars on their wrists... In recent years, teenagers' mental health problems are on the rise. The reporter recently interviewed many teenagers' psychological consultation institutions in Beijing, and found that the consultation volume of some institutions has more than doubled in a year, among which the number of parents consulting teenagers about depression has significantly increased. Teenagers' emotional instability is common, and self mutilation and even suicide tragedies occur from time to time.
Why do teenagers become more and more vulnerable psychologically? What symptoms do children have that need attention from parents and teachers?
symptom
[Performance 1] Mutation of temperament
The son who is excellent in both character and study suddenly becomes "cold"
When I was young, my son Xiaogang (not his real name) was the pride of Ms. Zhao. Not only did she get excellent grades in all subjects, but also she passed the Grade 10 piano exam and was elected monitor as soon as she entered junior high school. But recently, Ms. Zhao found that her son seemed to be uninterested in anything, and he always hid in his room when he came home from school, unwilling to talk to his parents for more than one word. After secretly reading her son's composition, Ms. Zhao seems to have found some clues. "Desire for freedom", "Why don't I have weekends", "Why do I have to have so many classes every weekend"... The composition book is full of children's negative emotions.
Indeed, in order to maintain good grades, my son has been crammed with various extracurricular training classes on weekends since primary school. Even if you go home after class, you will not be free. Not only do you have to finish all kinds of homework inside and outside the school, but also you need to guarantee one or two hours of piano practice every day. Play is already a luxury dream for children.
"Son, I want to talk to you. If you have any ideas, you can talk to your mother." Ms. Zhao took the initiative to talk to her son. After chatting for a while, the child seemed to become more talkative from the initial indifference and impatience. "I want a dog," the son asked. "Then you should study hard. If you get full marks in all subjects in the final exam, parents can consider buying a puppy for you." Looking at her son who is finally willing to open his heart to himself, Ms. Zhao said happily. "That's enough." The child's heart closed again, and suddenly returned to the cold attitude of the past.
Ms. Zhao also wanted to continue trying to communicate with her son, but no matter what she said, her son would not answer. Finally, the child impatiently "invited" his mother out of the room, "I don't want to talk to you anymore. It's no difference between what I said and what I didn't say".
[Performance 2] Anger and irritability
The "Contention between Sister and Brother"
"You are an elder sister, let your younger brother go." "Your younger brother is too young to understand. Are you too old to understand?"...... Mr. Zheng has a headache. His daughter, who has already gone to junior high school, fights with his 4-year-old brother every day for a little trivial matter, and sometimes even "vies with each other".
Speaking of it, my daughter is also full of grievances. He painstakingly wrote his own scientific experiment report, and when he twisted his face, his younger brother took a paintbrush to paint it. In anger, the elder sister couldn't help dragging her younger brother and began to beat his ass. The younger brother's cry attracted the old people at home. Seeing that my sister was pressing my brother on the ground and beating him, the old man was so worried that he went up and slapped her.
"Why do you favor your brother? He bullied me. Why don't you criticize him, instead, you beat me?" My sister burst into tears.
For a while, the big cry and the small howl in the family became a pot of porridge. Mr. Zheng, who lives in "hot water" every day, is very helpless. The old man is partial to his grandson, and his son preference is deeply rooted. It is difficult for the old man to change his mind. At ordinary times, Mr. Zheng can only ask his daughter to respect the old and love the young as much as possible, but her daughter is stubborn and refuses to let her brother live or die. The family fights every day, and there is no peace. "I don't know how to communicate with my daughter. It's really a headache."
[Performance 3] Self injury
Her daughter suddenly got several scars on her hands
Recently, Ms. Wang, Xiaoli's mother (not her real name), accidentally found several scars on her daughter's wrist and felt something strange.
At the beginning, the daughter only said that she had accidentally scratched herself. After repeated questioning by Ms. Wang, the daughter revealed the truth that she had cut herself with a blade. Ms. Wang had to take her children to a psychologist.
It turns out that Xiao Li's self mutilation behavior stems from the violence in her family environment. Xiaoli is in the second day of the first lunar year this year. Since she was young, her parents have not been very harmonious. Her father likes to hit and scold people all the time. "Almost every day, I can hear him scold my mother, and the words he uses are the most unpleasant." Xiao Li told the psychological consultant that she was often beaten and scolded by her father, and sometimes just because a very small thing was not done well, her father would scold her.
Ms. Wang chose to divorce because she could not stand her husband's beating and scolding for years, but the two still lived together in order to create a complete family for their children, which led to a violent family atmosphere that continued to affect Xiao Li. Psychological counselors believe that for Xiao Li, only by hurting her body with sharp tools can she release and relieve the pressure from home. At the beginning, she just gently scratched her wrist with a hard object. It was difficult for parents to find out, "If I found it, I would say that I accidentally hurt it." As time passed, gently stroking her wrist could not relieve her anxiety and pressure. Only when the stroke became heavier and heavier, my mother found it until it was bleeding and injured.
Probing into causes
Difficult release of emotional pressure leads to children's psychological vulnerability
Why are children's psychology so fragile now, and some children even have depression tendency? Why do children rebel and do not like to communicate with their parents when they enter adolescence?
In this regard, Zong Chunshan, director of the Beijing Juvenile Legal and Psychological Counseling Service Center, said that the play, communication and exchange between children and their peers, and between children and siblings, is actually an important outlet for releasing their own emotions and pressures. Especially when children enter adolescence, they will gradually move towards society, and the relationship with classmates and peers will even gradually exceed the relationship with parents. But now many children of junior high school and senior high school age are only children themselves, and there are no brothers and sisters growing up together in the family; At ordinary times, there is a lot of pressure to enter a higher school, and there is no partner who can contact and play together after class. In this case, children's emotions and pressures are difficult to be released.
In addition to the pressure caused by society, some parents will put pressure on their children artificially, ignoring their children's normal psychological needs. Zong Chunshan gave an example, for example, the child didn't do well in the exam and cried after returning home. Crying is a normal way for children to vent their emotions, but if parents do not comfort them, they will scold them instead. When children cannot obtain spiritual satisfaction and support, they will gradually be unwilling to communicate with their parents, and eventually estrangement will occur between them.
Family is a close place. After puberty, some children begin to feel embarrassed to make physical contact with their parents. Some children choose puppy love and seek comfort outside. Therefore, for parents, on the one hand, they should strengthen close physical contact with their children; On the other hand, we must always be sensitive to the changes in children's emotions and have effective interaction with children. We should not only pay attention to whether children have enough food and clothing and good performance, but also pay more attention to their psychological needs after they enter puberty.
"Take puppy love as an example. When a child has the ability to love others, parents should first congratulate the child on growing up. At this time, instead of criticizing, evaluating, or forcibly breaking up, they should talk openly and generously about love with the child, and guide the child to correctly contact the opposite sex."
In addition, if you want to solve the disputes between two child families, it is most important for parents to "keep a bowl of water even". Zong Chunshan said that parents should not ignore the emotional feelings of the boss and let the boss give way to the second child in everything. Parents should teach younger brothers and sisters to respect their brothers and sisters, let them participate more in the care of younger brothers and sisters, and avoid the boss's resistance to the second child.
give counsel
Children need to pay more attention to these details
Yin Jianmin, founder of Beijing Teapot Psychology Studio, which focuses on counseling children and adolescents' psychological problems, suggested that parents should first listen to their children more and try to speak less when communicating with them. "Don't be eager to express opinions and judgments, but listen to the children."
Secondly, parents should think in terms of their children's experience and psychological state, so that children can understand and help their parents.
Third, in the face of children's troubles, parents should lead children to brainstorm together, guide children to think and explore various ways to solve difficulties, let children know that there are many choices in the face of difficulties, rather than hurting themselves. At the same time, it can also cultivate children's multi thinking ability, improve their ability to solve problems independently and resist setbacks.
Yin Jianmin suggested that parents should pay more attention to:
■ Sudden small movements
If a child has many small hand movements in the process of doing homework or doing things, such as gnawing hands, biting nails, eating pencil heads, shaking legs, etc., parents may think that this is an unconscious habit of the child, but in fact, it indicates that the child has pressure and may have some problems in learning or interpersonal relations.
■ Shout twice if you have something to do
Parents need to pay attention to the children's irritability, emotional instability, yelling twice when they have nothing to do, or falling doors, throwing things and other behaviors. Children may be full of pressure and use these behaviors to vent pressure.
■ Ask strange questions suddenly
If a child suddenly asks such questions as "What's the meaning of being alive?" and "It's hard to be tired of learning", parents should pay more attention to the changes of their children. They may be experiencing setbacks. For example, the academic performance drops suddenly, teachers and classmates do not attach importance to it in school, and some simple wishes are not met.
Reporter Ye Xiaoyan and Zhang Nan
