Psychological Consultation for "Divorce" (Basic Essentials)

In the clump     Peking University Sixth Hospital

 

Divorce is an engagement Of relieve, At the same time Including property division and Future of children Nurturing, etc.

 

Divorce, Although it is a relief for couples, in any case , also It's a kind of pain, even though it hurts Often major Not divorce itself Resulting 。

 

What is? Home? A child's home is where his mother is. Home is an important environment for children to grow up (some are like "revolutionary base areas"). After divorce, children often lose this "Home", especially being a mother and father all After remarriage, they have their own families. Even after their children go to college, they are afraid of the Spring Festival holiday, because during the holiday, see All the students I went back to my own home, but I didn't know which one to go back to, I don't know where my home is. Children will There is one Homeless Bereavement Sense.

 

Divorce, not only to change a divorce certificate, there are a lot of things to deal with.

Therefore, before divorce, it is recommended that you should go to psychological counseling several times.

 

What are the basic points of psychological counseling on divorce?

 

I Clarify the goal of divorce counseling

 

Although people may want to divorce for various reasons or reasons, in general, the main reasons for divorce are 2 People between Their emotional communication is not smooth.

 

Such a marriage, Even if there is no divorce, the emotional communication is not smooth, Two people live together, It is also painful.

Don't feeling Poor communication place The pain caused is accounted for in divorce.

 

Therefore, in the face of the couple who are going to divorce Consulting work Not to detain or break up marriage, Its objectives There is only one: to promote the emotional communication between the two sides.

 

After the enhancement of emotional communication, there are still two possible results: no divorce, or person Divorce.

Psychological counselors can only do one thing: build a psychological platform to promote the emotional communication between husband and wife.

 

II Divorce counseling Two work direction

 

1、 Relationship orientation: to adjust interaction Relationship oriented, Promote emotional communication between both parties 。 In the process of psychological consultation, help the client to analyze specifically How to match two people And interactive, and what exists between them Dislocation and misunderstanding; Mobilize with the goal of maintaining love and intimate relationship both sides Of desire , respectively Adapt yourself to the relationship Maintenance of 。

The premise is that both sides are willing to work hard to improve the interactive relationship.

Such divorce counseling often requires two parties to come to receive psychological counseling at the same time.

 

In this process, psychological counselors often have the following questions:

"When did you begin to drift away?"

"What are the biggest differences between you? What are they?"

"How did you fall in love with each other and choose to marry each other?"

"After marriage, including the love stage before marriage, there was a happy time? How did you do that at that time?"

"Are you willing to work together to adjust yourself and approach each other?"

 

Marriage must be "Take what you need", inter subjectivity, and finally achieve a "win-win" relationship. This relationship can be recognized by both parties and they are willing to continue to maintain this relationship.

 

In terms of relationship orientation, Psychological Counselors Association Help analyze the Interactive mode , of "Equal exchange interaction mode" or "dislocation exchange interaction mode", such as "peer relationship" and "flying together" (equal exchange) ？ still "Mother baby relationship", “ Give the lower body in exchange for the upper body ” , talent and beauty, marriage and eating (dislocation exchange), etc. In order to clarify their expectations for marriage, their wishes and needs, and take the initiative to adjust themselves to each other.

 

Once I know the expectations, wishes and psychological needs of the other party, I will know how to "Give help in time of need", "give it what it likes", and give it a hug. When both parties are willing to take the initiative to do this for each other, their emotional communication will become smooth, and their love will naturally flow.

 

 

2、 Individual orientation: When two people in a marriage want to divorce, they'd better let themselves do a series of personal growth counseling.

 

Analyze your own personality Features Childhood growth environment 、 Native family 、 Early trauma , and yes Later Love and marriage relationship Impact.

 

Such psychological consultation belongs to individual psychological growth consultation.

It is suggested that the husband and wife should go to two different psychological consultants for consultation on a regular basis; It's better to find a psychoanalytic psychologist.

 

On the basis of personal growth, further discuss how to deal with your current marriage relationship.

This often There are three more Direction of efforts and growth links ：

（1） In the face of divorce, "I want to Change the other party ！ To meet my needs. ”

This is often what visitors want most Results of, Same visitor most suffer defeat , most disappointed In one direction.

Counselors help visitors, empathize with their wishes and needs, and face them together Fiasco, Then discuss what to do next.

（2） Since the other party is unchangeable, I can only Change your attitude towards marriage and love Means and In order to adapt to the Relationship (Relationship orientation) , adapt to each other's feeling Demand. At this time, the consultant should understand and sympathize with the client's inner grievances in order to maintain the relationship.

Generally speaking, in In a husband wife relationship, Each Still need yes A certain degree of forbearance Or concession la

 

（ three ）Back to the "individual independent life" Stand on the ground 。

everybody love Before marriage, they used to be alone Independent students Live. Later, I met my lover and chose to get married; Now, we are facing divorce. Whether before marriage, after marriage, or now want to divorce, or after divorce in the future, for the parties, there is only one thing in common, that is, "Whatever you do, try to make yourself live better!"

Whether to divorce, on the surface, is to deal with the marital relationship, whether to leave the other side. In essence, it is the parties who choose their own future life.

situation This is often the case Of : Once the visitor does not change the other party by force, once Re focus your life Get back to yourself, let yourself live better, and their marriage relationship will also be improved. Yes, of course, Still A lot of people end up Selected Divorce.

 

 

III Life agreement before divorce

Since both the husband and wife have begun to discuss the future divorce, before going through the divorce procedures, they still need to discuss specifically: how they will spend the last time together in the days before divorce.

 

At this time, the psychological counselor led the couple to discuss how they would spend their life before divorce and what their wishes and needs were; And on this basis, promote the couple to form agreements and reach agreements in terms of emotional interaction and life details as detailed as possible. Before divorce, both parties shall observe and implement the agreement in detail; see how one behaves in the future.

When reaching an agreement, not only should there be as detailed as possible about what to do, what responsibilities to assume, and what obligations to perform, but the agreement should also include the time limit for inspection and acceptance, for example, three months or half a year should be set as the time limit.

 

 

IV Psychological preparation before divorce, making assumptions and arrangements for the future

 

Divorce is not only to apply for a divorce certificate For "organizational divorce", we should first achieve "ideological divorce" in advance.

That is, before divorce, you should do a good job in your heart "Psychological preparation before divorce".

 

Psychological counselors can discuss with clients during consultation:

"Are you going to go through divorce procedures and exchange divorce certificates in a few months?"

"Will you go to discuss with your parents, family members or friends and friends about their experiences, opinions and opinions on divorce?"

"Do you have anything to do before divorce?"

"After divorce, where do you live? Do you have a house to live in? Who will support your children? Do you have a job and a source of income? Does your income support your personal life and support your children?"

"Before divorce, do you have to find yourself a job?"

"What will your future life be like after divorce? How can you tell your parents and family?"

"Do you have friends after divorce?"
"Do you want to marry another person in the future? What will the remarried person be like? How will you enter your next marriage life?"

……

 

2017-2-23