One The middle-aged man who sought help for premature ejaculation hoped to prolong the ejaculation incubation period when having sex with his wife. In addition to his common performance of "operation anxiety" with most premature ejaculation patients, he also has a burial many years 's secret -- Fetish -- Sometimes I steal the lingerie aired by women, and sometimes I follow them at night KTV The girls went to their residence, then stole their underwear that was aired outdoors and stored it for masturbation.

    He has been doing this for many years, but why did he ask for help at this time? According to the inquiry, in addition to the reason that most of the callers said "because I found out on the Internet recently that I know you are in this field", he also realized that -- His sexual interest may have affected his sexual life with his wife. He is afraid that his wife knows that his sexual interest lies in "women's underwear" rather than women, so he is very nervous and anxious when having sex with his wife and cares too much about his sexual performance. Moreover, he not only has the problem of premature ejaculation, but also can not meet his wife's desired sexual life frequency (the wife hopes that at least one week one ～ two Times without premature ejaculation). Because his wife has always been dissatisfied with his sexual performance, she has been married to him just because she takes care of the children, but recently she has been married In instability.

    The deep psychological problems of this group are similar to my previous blog article "The" Luyinia "in the Sex Therapy Clinic（ http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_44a6b7d50102e42b.html ）They are often difficult to establish and maintain meaningful interpersonal relationships, which not only causes - The deep reason of fetishism may also be the common reason that affects the harmony of his and his wife's sexual life. Based on this assumption, it is also based on the principle of sexual therapy -- The partner participates together, since he is in a relatively stable marriage with one child after all. I have a general idea of his psychotherapy:

Me: You mentioned two problems that need my help One is to change the behavior of stealing women's underwear, and the other is to improve the sexual life with his wife. But we have to choose one of them first. Which one do you want to solve first? (Different paths lead to the same goal. Both problems are attributed to his interpersonal reasons)

He : Let's solve the problem of sex life with my wife first. I'm most worried about that

Me: OK, I agree with your choice. Since you realize that your collection of female underwear has affected your sexual life and that of your wife, can you try to tell your wife about this behavior first? You are worried that she will find your secret so that you will feel nervous and have premature ejaculation when making love with her. If she can forgive and understand you on this point, and even help you to change this behavior, wouldn't it kill two birds with one stone?!

He: (hesitating -- ）I dare not tell her if she really wants to divorce me because of this

Me: But the purpose of telling her the truth is to improve her sex life? Moreover, if you do not trust each other, you may feel angry even more if you hide the truth and live with her in fear. What's more, you still have children after all. Of course, the premise of telling her the truth is that you really love her and your family.

He: Let me go back and try

Although I also realized that it was somewhat risky to suggest him tell his wife the truth, and I was not completely optimistic about the result, but this was the best action I thought of. Later, I told him the attitude and way of communication with his wife, as well as some skills to extend the latency of ejaculation.

After more than a month, he told me that his premature ejaculation was better two About minutes has been extended to four 、 five Minutes (this is a great progress), said thank you very much.

I was a little surprised: "What did you do to make you nearly double the time?"

He: I listened to you and told my wife about my affairs. She was very angry at first and scolded me as a "hooligan". After a while, it will be better. She also told me that we should not do that in the future. If there are any couples, we can talk about it. I didn't feel so nervous when I did it with her.

Me: Oh, I appreciate your courage to tell the truth! After you told your wife, did you still steal underwear?

He: Not anymore

Me: Oh, why didn't you steal after telling her?

He: After talking about it, it's no fun to do it again. Actually, my wife is also very kind to me

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          Luckily, it seems that he married a good tolerant woman. From this, I also realized how important the mutual support of partners is for successful sex therapy! Of course, the maintenance of interpersonal relationship, especially the relationship between husband and wife, is not a once and for all thing. It is hard to say that his behavior of stealing female underwear will not revive in the event of a relationship breaking event between husband and wife in the future. Therefore, to avoid the repetition of his "symptomatic behavior", he needs to adhere to a considerable number of sexual psychotherapy, and establish and maintain a true and stable partnership on the basis of success