Bridal gifts are a Chinese word, pronounced p ì n l ǐ, often referring toemployA gift of respect from time to time.In daily life, it is also used forbe engagedProperty presented by both parties to each other.It is usually the money or things given to the other party at the time of marriage.From《The Book of Rites·Employment Justice.
2. [present]: The ceremony of mutual engagement between ancient princes.
Citation explanation
1. The ceremony of mutual engagement among ancient princes.
《The Book of Rites·"The betrothal gifts are seven betrothal gifts, five betrothal gifts, and three betrothal gifts for sons and sons. Therefore, the Ming Dynasty is expensive and humble." "The National Language · Zhou Yuzhong" "So he pretended to be in Chen, so as to be in Chu"Wei ZhaoNote: "At that time, the Son of Heaven was weak, so he pretended to be a vassal. If the betrothal gifts crossed the country to the border, they would introduce the second way, and tie the silk to order the temple."
"Etiquette" betrothal gifts No. 8: betrothal gifts. The emperor and the minister plan things and act as envoys.The emissary bowed again and made a speech.If you refuse, you will retreat.It is not only to plan things, but also to abstain from introducing them.
Etiquette of betrothal gifts: The king and the three ministers consulted about the betrothal gifts, and appointed ministers as envoys.Qing (envoy) bowed to Ji Shou again and resigned, but the monarch refused to allow him, so he returned to his original position.When an envoy has been proposed, he will be appointed as an envoy.
2. Engagement ceremony.It also refers to the financial gifts provided at the time of engagement.
clearLi Yu"Nahetian · Tiaomei": "If you are Nian's nephew, naturally there is no reason for marriage. In this case, you have to return the betrothal gift to him."
Shen Congwen's "Ah Jin": "Ah Jin was going to make a decision on the wedding tonight. He held a bundle of money in his pocket to prepare something for the betrothal gifts."
Ren DeyaoThe first scene of Malan Flower: "This is really our girl's betrothal gift."
Historical evolution
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In ancient times, the wedding process of the Han nationality was divided into six stages, called“the six ceremonies of betrothal and marriage”That is, accept, ask, accept, request, welcome.Among them, "collecting" means that the men's family will send them to the women's family, which is also called "collecting money", "big engagement", "excessive gifts", etc.[2]
In ancient times, the ceremony of collecting taxes was mostly based on birds and animals. In ancient times, the whole deer was used as the bride price, and in later generations, deer skin was used as the bride price.Cui XuanThe Wedding Document of“a girl is married outDien Goose, matched with deerskin. "The Book of Songs. Zhaonan. There are dead elks in the wild. It says: "There are dead elks in the wild, and white thatch covers them.there is a girl in loveThe lucky man lured him. "It's about asking a girl to marry him with a wild deer.Because in ancient times, it was a gift to hold wild geese, so the gift was also called "appoint birds".Of course, ancient Na Zheng did not always use birds and animals as a gift. For example, as the saying in "Wei Feng · Meng", "Meng's Chi Chi, embrace cloth and trade silk. When bandits come to trade silk, they come to seek for it.".Later, the etiquette of collecting taxes became more and more complicated, and became one of the most complicated processes of etiquette in the Six Rites.
In the Song Dynasty, tea was listed as an important gift in betrothal gifts and almost became indispensable.From then on, people called giving betrothal gifts as "tea ceremony", "tea ceremony" or "tea ceremony";When a woman is employed, it is called "eating tea" or "receiving tea";The so-called "three teas" are the "tea making" at the time of engagement, the "tea making" at the time of marriage, and the "tea combining" in the bridal chamber.According to Song Huna's "Record of Seeing and Hearing", "usually engagement is made with tea as a gift. Therefore, it is called" tea money ", also known as" tea gift ", also known as" substitute tea ". Women's employment is called" receiving tea "." Wu Zimu's "Tokyo Mengliang Record - Marriage"It also talked about the use of tea in the marriage of the Song Dynasty: "Tao and Japanese officials gave gifts of betrothal gifts, and when it comes to betrothal gifts, rich families should prepare three gold gifts,... with flower tea, fruits, reunion cakes, sheep wine and other things, and also gave silver collars to officials, which is called 'Lower financial gifts'。”Wu Zimu recorded that even for poor families, tea cakes are indispensable in the betrothal gifts, and even women's gifts use more "tea cakes and fruits" and "goose wine tea cakes".
The "Six Rites" of marriage were later simplified and merged by Sima Guang, Zhu Xi and others, but the prevailing tea ceremony in the Song Dynasty was inherited by the Yuan, Ming and Qing dynasties.Huang Zuo, a native of Xiangshan (now Zhongshan City, Guangdong Province) in the Ming Dynasty, with the word Taiquan, wrote it in his later years when he lived at homeTaiquan Village RitesIt is recorded in the book: "Recently, those who accept the purchase and requisition will stop using a box of fine tea, which is especially convenient and accessible." It is also said that "every third person who is employed by a household will use a bottle of wine, two geese, two pieces of cloth, and a box of tea." It reflects the flow of tea ceremony in Lingnan area in the Ming Dynasty.
Folk betrothal gifts
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9 Necessary Folk Bridal Gifts
combAs the saying goes, "one combs the hair to the end, two combs the white hair to the eyebrows, and three combs the grandchildren", the comb has the meaning of "tying hair", especiallyBaishouxiangzhuangRefers to the couple's lifelong love and longevity.
ruler: Measuring tool, which is extended to measure happiness in marriage life, refers to hundreds of children and thousands of grandchildren. Happiness has a long history, and it is also a blessing for the new couple to rise step by step in life and career in the future.
Money box: The ninth treasure of the nine treasures is the money box, which is one of the wedding gifts given by the woman during the wedding ceremony, to show that the woman is wealthy, and it is also used by the woman to collect her favorite treasures after marriage.
Ruyi Scale: The Ruyi Scale, which is based on the traditional wedding ceremony and is used by the groom to lift the bride's red cap, is now one of the nine wedding celebration treasures given by parents to the married daughter. I hope that the daughter's future life will be satisfactory and the husband and wife will be happy together.
mirror: Representing completeness, completeness, and implying the beauty of the bride, it is a wish for the bride's happy marriage life;Even with the passage of time, we still retain our youth and beautiful appearance.
Dudou: It used to be an instrument for measuring food. It is used in wedding ceremonies to show that one's family is rich and wealthy, and that one can live a comfortable and prosperous life after marriage.
scissorsIt is one of the "six certificates" in traditional weddings. It is mainly used for clothing tailoring in life. The wedding ceremony symbolizes the beauty of the bride's life after marriage and the bright future, sharing the glory and wealth of life.
Abacus: A calculating tool used to calculate income and expenditure in life, and a thousand gold abacus in wedding ceremonies, imply the couple's ideal and planning for a peaceful and prosperous life in the future, and can make reasonable investment and financing to win Guangmao's financial resources.
Local customs
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1、 Beijing Tianjin region
In the traditional marriage in Beijing Tianjin area, the matchmaker first proposes the marriage. After the two parties recognize the marriage, the next step is the "small set" ceremony.The number of "small set" gifts is determined by the financial resources of both parties, most of which are four boxes of gifts.After the wedding day is selected, it is called "Dading". In addition to the "Dragon and Phoenix Posts", "Dading" also requires four packages of gifts, including clothing, jewelry, wine, meat, pasta and fruit.
2、 Northeast China
The wedding custom of "small set" in northeast China requires the woman to attend the gift giving and banquet at the man's home.During the banquet, "Dragon and Phoenix Posts" need to be exchanged. The man also needs to give the woman a gold ring as a pledge.In addition, we need to prepare four gifts, namely a chicken;Eighty to one hundred eggs;Two jin of brown sugar;Two jin of noodles.After the wedding date is set, we will have a "big set", which includes four seasons clothing, jewelry, steamed bread, wine, and so on.The day before the wedding is the day when the wife gives her dowry, which is mostly clothes, furniture, jewelry, real estate, land, etc.
3、 Jiangsu and Zhejiang
After the matchmaker has "looked at" the looks of both men and women, the marriage etiquette should be "written", exchanging the birthdays of both men and women, and the man should give the betrothal gifts to the woman to check in person.The betrothal gifts are mostly local products, mulberry and linen fabrics, Jiluo silks and satins, tea, etc.The more dowry the woman has, the better, and take the opportunity to show off her wealth.The wedding ceremony and the greeting ceremony after it are similar to those in the north.
4、 Huguang area
The matchmaker will replace the dragon and phoenix stickers after "He Nian Geng", "Kan Ba Zi", and the parents of the two parties agree to marry. At the same time, the man should give a "small engagement" gift, that is, a gold ring, earrings, a pair of gold pomegranates, as well as engagement money, betel nuts, gift cakes, etc.After receiving the betrothal gifts, the woman returned the four treasures of study, muffins, etc.Before the wedding, the man has to make a "big engagement", which is commonly known as "tea making".The man should prepare gift cakes, cigarettes, wine, seafood, fish and meat, etc. during the "tea trip", and the woman should return clothes, shoes and hats, cakes, sugar, jewelry, jewelry, etc. after receiving them, and agree on the wedding date of both parties.
Proper language
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No matter how much the betrothal gift is, whether it is valuable or not, when giving the betrothal gift to the other party, you should not appear humble or arrogant. You should speak in a respectful tone and show respect to the other party.Because both sides will becomeIn lawsThe two families have a close relationship with each other.Do not damage the entrustment and responsibility of the two parties due to improper wording.It is necessary to express the joy of being a family, to thank the parents in law for their upbringing, to express the importance of the gift book, to express that the new couple will respect and love each other, and to express that they can do what they can for their families.(When speaking, one should be most happy with the in laws. After speaking, one should also express to the other that one should not fall in love with others.)
For example, the reason why two families can walk together (have a meal) is because of the predestination between XXX and me. It's a pleasure to meet my in laws and elders.We will be a family when we sit together. I will respect and love each other in the future. Please rest assured that I will take care of her. At the same time, you are also my parents. In the future, I will be as filial and grateful to you as XX.These betrothal gifts are a token of my heart. Please forgive me for any inadequacies.
Gift List
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Gift of the man
The following gifts are all even to take the meaning of "good things come in pairs".
Betrothal cake: One load (50 kg)
Seafood: There are four styles, six styles or eight styles. The style and quantity depend on the economic situation of the men.Each item is usually divided into two packages.Facai is a must to get rich, while other seafood includes abalone, oysters, scallops, mushrooms, dried shrimps, squid, sea cucumber, shark fin, and fish maw.
the three sacrifices: Two pairs of chickens, two males and two females (if the parents are incomplete, one pair is enough); three to five jin of porkTake off two flights(Joy only flies), that is, two pieces are connected to each other to show a rich and sincere respect.
fish: big fish or dace;It means fishy (sound) gas;It also means that there are more than one year.
Coconut: Two pairs (not all parents can use one pair), that is, there are fathers (coconuts) and children.
Alcohol: Four, indicating strong love.
Sijing FruitIt means dried longan, dried litchi, dried peaches and shelled peanuts to bless the prosperity of their children and grandchildren. It also means that they are full of happiness and endless life.
Bear fruit: It means to be vigorous
Tetrachrome sugarIt means rock sugar, orange cake, wax gourd sugar and golden jelly, which means sweet and dense, lasting forever.
TeaSesame: Because tea must be planted with seeds, tea is used as a gift, which means that once a woman signs a marriage agreement, she will keep her promise and never regret, which is also called "the gift of sesame tea".
Post box(Gift box): There are two pairs of lotus seeds, lilies, green wisps, chamaejas, betel palms, sesame seeds, red beans, mung beans, red dates, dried peaches, dried longan, as well as red bean string, Lishi, retainer money, decoration gold, dragon and phoenix candles, and a couplet
Fragrant Firecracker Bracelet Gold: Fragrance (no bones and green feet), firecrackers (big firecrackers and firecrackers), bracelets (dragon and phoenix like bracelets in pairs).
Dou 2mThe man prepared twelve jin of glutinous rice and three jin of sugar, which were used to make dumplings for the woman's family to make them perfect and sweet.
Gift for women
After receiving the betrothal gifts, the woman will also give the man something of equal value, which is called "return gift".When the woman gets married, her family will add several times or even dozens of times of property on the basis of the betrothal gifts, which is called“dowry”。[1]
amount
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It mainly includes two parts: first, goods;The second is cash gifts.There is no standard number and no hard and fast rule. The amount of betrothal gifts depends on your own or your family's economic strength and their plans for married life.
Generally, the amount of betrothal gifts will be rounded up into a lucky number. For example, the number of 8 or 9 is repeated (e.g. 888, 9999), and 4 and 7 should not be included in the amount of gifts.As for the betrothal gifts, the new couple should discuss with each other and understand each other. When they reach an agreement, they should also seek the views of both parents and try to persuade both parents. Of course, the best way is to explain to parents the life foundation and life plan of the new couple after marriage. At the same time, it should also explain that the parents of the new couple will be respected for a long time, so that the elders can rest assured of the pension problem in the future,In this way, everyone can be happy and everything can be happy at home.
Give betrothal gifts time
The betrothal gift depends on the situation. First, it depends on whether the elders need to follow the local customs and regulations. If one parent has requirements, they should try to follow the requirements;If there is no custom requirement, you can give the betrothal gifts to the parents of the other party in the dinner party of the wedding banquet.If no wedding banquet is booked, the betrothal gift can also be given when the parents of both parties meet before receiving the marriage certificate.
