A slight groan from my husband's room

informal essay three thousand nine hundred and seventy-two 13 years ago (2011-05-20)

A relentless misunderstanding, confused the pace of happiness. When the fate of the knot finally opened with a price, everything is too late

I picked up my mother-in-law to spend her old age, but it turned out to be a departure from our original intention.

After two years of marriage, my husband and I discussed bringing my mother-in-law from the countryside to spend her old age in peace. Mr. A's father passed away when he was very young. He was the only sustenance of his mother-in-law, who supported him to grow up and help him finish college. The words "bear hardships" can never be used too much on my mother-in-law! I repeatedly said that I would prepare a south facing room with a balcony for my mother-in-law to bask in the sun and grow flowers and plants. Standing in the sunny room, without saying a word, he suddenly lifted me up and circled in the room. When I begged for mercy, he said, "Take my mother."

My husband is tall. I like to cling to his chest. I feel that his petite body can be grabbed by him and stuffed into his pocket at any time. When I argued with my husband and refused to yield, he lifted me up and shook me over his head until I was frightened and begged for mercy. This kind of frightened happiness fascinates me.

My mother-in-law's habits in the countryside can't be changed for a while. I used to buy a bunch of flowers and put them in the living room. My mother-in-law couldn't help herself later: "Don't you know how to save your dolls?" I smiled and said, "Mom, if there are flowers in full bloom at home, people will feel better." My mother-in-law lowered her head and murmured, and my husband smiled: "Mom, this is the habit of city people. Slowly, you will get used to it.

My mother-in-law didn't say anything anymore, but every time I bought flowers back, I still couldn't help asking how much it cost. When I said that, he would "tuttut" smack his lips. Sometimes, when I bought a lot of things home, she asked me how much it was When she answered truthfully, her mouth smacked louder. My husband pinched my nose and said, "Little fool, don't tell her the real price, will you?"

Happy life Gradually there was discord. My mother-in-law can't stand my husband getting up to make breakfast. In her opinion, why does a big man cook for his wife? On the breakfast table, my mother-in-law's face was always overcast, and I pretended to be invisible. Her mother-in-law then jingled her chopsticks, which was her silent protest.

I was a dance teacher in the Children's Palace. I was tired of dancing around. I didn't want to throw away the only enjoyment of the warm bed in the morning. So I pretended to be deaf to my mother-in-law's protest. My mother-in-law is happy to help me do some housework. I am even busier when she does it. For example, she collected all the garbage bags and said that when she saved enough to sell waste plastic, she would make the house full of waste plastic bags; She was reluctant to use detergent to wash dishes. In order not to hurt her self-esteem, I had to do it again secretly.

Once, my mother-in-law saw me secretly washing dishes at night. She slammed the door and cried loudly in her room. My husband was in a dilemma. After that, my husband didn't talk to me all night. I was coquettish and naughty, and he ignored me. When I got angry, I asked him: "What on earth did I do wrong?" The gentleman glared at me and said: "You can't accommodate yourself. You can't eat a dead person even if the bowl is dirty."

Later, for a long time, my mother-in-law did not talk to me, and the atmosphere at home began to gradually embarrassed. At that time, my husband was very tired. I didn't know who to amuse first.

In order to prevent her son from cooking breakfast, her mother-in-law took the "heavy responsibility" of cooking breakfast without hesitation. My mother-in-law looked at my husband and ate happily. Then she looked at me and accused me of not doing my duty as a wife. In order to avoid embarrassment, I had to buy a bag of milk to kill myself on the way to work. When I was sleeping, my husband asked me angrily, "Lu Di, is it because my mother doesn't cook well that I don't eat at home?" He turned over and threw it on my cold back to let me cry. Finally, the teacher sighed, "Lu Di, it's just for me. Can you have breakfast at home?" I had to go back to the awkward breakfast.

That morning, when I was drinking porridge cooked by my mother-in-law, my stomach suddenly turned against me. All the things in my stomach rushed out. I tried desperately to keep them from surging up, but I still couldn't stop it. I threw down my bowl and rushed into the bathroom, vomiting. When I calmed down with a gasp, I saw my mother-in-law complaining and crying in her hometown dialect. My husband stood at the bathroom door and looked at me angrily. I could not speak with my mouth open. I really didn't mean to. My husband and I started our first fierce quarrel. My mother-in-law first stared at us, then got up and went out. My husband looked at me with hatred and went downstairs to chase my mother-in-law.

For three days, my husband didn't go home, and he didn't even have a phone call. I'm angry. I've wronged myself enough since my mother-in-law came. What else should I do? Somehow, I always want to vomit. I have no appetite for anything. In addition to the mess of household affairs, my mood is extremely poor. Later, my colleague said, "Lu Di, you look very pale. You'd better go to the hospital.

The result of the hospital examination was that I was pregnant. I understood why I suddenly vomited that morning, and there was a trace of resentment in my happiness: why didn't they think of this at all, my husband and my mother-in-law, who had been here before? At the gate of the hospital, I saw my husband. After only three days' absence, he pined away a lot. I wanted to turn around and leave, but his appearance made me feel distressed. I couldn't help but call him. The teacher saw me by the voice, but he didn't seem to know me. There was a trace of hatred in his eyes that could not be hidden. They coldly stabbed me. I told myself not to look at him. I reached out and stopped a taxi. At that time, I wanted to shout to my husband, "Dear, I'm going to give you a baby!" Then he lifted me up and spun happily. What I hoped didn't happen. In the taxi, my tears fell slowly. Why let a quarrel love So bad? After returning home, I lay in bed thinking of my husband and his disgust. I held the corner of the quilt and cried.

At night, there was a sound of turning drawers at home. Turning on the light, I saw the tearful face of my husband. He is taking money. I looked at him coldly and said nothing. He ignored me and hurried away with his passbook and money. Maybe my husband is going to leave me completely. What a rational man! Love and money are so clearly separated. I sneered a few times, tears "crash" flow down.

The next day, I didn't go to work. If you want to clear your mind thoroughly, have a good talk with your husband company The secretary looked at me strangely and said, "President Chen's mother has had an accident and is in the hospital."

I was stunned.

She rushed to the hospital and found her husband when her mother-in-law had gone. My husband never looked at me, and his face was stiff. I looked at my mother-in-law's thin and pale face and couldn't stop crying: God! How could this be? Until the burial of my mother-in-law, my husband didn't say a word to me, even looked at me with deep disgust.

About the car accident, I still learned from others that my mother-in-law walked to the station in a daze after going out. She wanted to go back to her hometown. The more her husband chased her, the faster she walked. When crossing the road, a bus hit her head-on

I finally understood my husband's aversion. If I hadn't vomited that morning, if we hadn't quarreled, if In his heart, I was the sinner who killed his mother indirectly.

The gentleman moved into his mother-in-law's room in silence and came back every night full of alcohol. I was overwhelmed by guilt and poor self-esteem. I wanted to explain to him and tell him that we were going to have a baby. But I looked at his cold eyes and swallowed all my words back. I would rather my husband beat me or scold me, although all these accidents were not my intention.

Day by day, I suffocated and repeated, and my husband came home later and later. We are deadlocked, more embarrassed than strangers. I am tied to his heart.

Once, I passed a western restaurant transparent I saw my husband sitting face to face with a young girl in the French window. He gently brushed her hair, and I understood everything. First I was stunned, then I entered the western restaurant and stood in front of my husband, staring at him, without a tear in my eyes. I don't want to say anything. I have nothing to say. The girl looked at me, looked at my husband, stood up and wanted to go, my husband reached out to hold her down, and then, equally, looked at me without showing weakness. I can only hear my slow heartbeat beating on the pale edge of dying.

The loser is me. If I stand down again, I will fall down with the baby in my belly.

That night, my husband didn't go home. He made me understand in this way: with the death of my mother-in-law, our love also died. Sir never came back. Sometimes, when I come back from work, I see that the wardrobe has been passive. Mr. A came back to get some of his own things. I didn't want to call him. I had the idea of trying to explain to him, but everything was completely lost.

I live alone and go to the hospital for physical examination alone. When I see a man carefully holding his wife for physical examination, my heart is broken and I can't stand it. Colleagues vaguely advised me to give up, but I firmly said no, I was crazy and wanted to give birth to this child, which was also compensation for my mother-in-law's death. When I came back from work, my husband sat in the living room, and he looked at me with complex eyes, just like me.

As I unbuttoned my coat, I said to myself, "Don't cry..." My eyes hurt, but I didn't let them cry. Hang up my coat, and my husband's eyes were fixed on my swollen stomach. I smiled, walked over, dragged the paper without looking, signed my name and pushed it to him. "Lu Di, are you pregnant?" This is the first time that the teacher has spoken to me since her mother-in-law's accident. I couldn't control my eyes any longer. Tears were streaming down. I said, "Yes, but it's OK. You can go now."

Sir didn't leave. We looked at each other in the dark. My husband slowly leaned over me, tears seeping through the quilt. In my heart, many things are far away, even if I run, I can't get them. I don't remember how many times my husband said "I'm sorry" to me. I once thought I would forgive him, but I couldn't. In the western restaurant, the man looked at me with cold eyes in front of the girl. In my life, I can't forget it. We cut deep scars on each other's hearts. Mine is unintentional; He did it on purpose.

Expect to clear up the past, but the past can not be repeated!

Apart from the fact that my heart is warm when I think of the child in my belly, my heart is as cold as frost to my husband. I don't eat anything he buys, don't want any gifts from him, and don't talk to him. From the time I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love all died in my heart. Sometimes my husband tries to go back to the bedroom. When he comes, I go to the living room. My husband has to go back to his mother-in-law's room. At night, I sometimes heard a slight groan from my husband's room, and I didn't make a sound. This is a trick he used to play. In the past, as long as I ignored him, he pretended to be ill, and I would surrender obediently. He would catch me and laugh when I cared about what happened to him. He forgot that at that time, I would be distressed because of love. Now, what else do we have?

Mr. A groaned intermittently until the baby was born. He buys things for children almost every day, including baby products, children's products, and children's favorite books, which are packed in bags. His room is almost full.

I know that he moved me in this way, but I have been unmoved. He had to shut up in his room and use the computer to type. Maybe he was in love online, but it didn't matter to me anymore.

Late one night at the end of the next spring, I cried out because of severe abdominal pain. My husband rushed in with a lunge, as if he had never taken off his clothes to sleep, so as to wait for the arrival of this moment. My husband picked me up and ran downstairs to stop the car. He held my hand tightly all the way and kept wiping the sweat off my forehead. When we got to the hospital, we carried me to the obstetric department. Lying on his lean and warm back, an idea suddenly burst into my heart: who will love me like him in this life? My husband held the door of the delivery room and watched me enter. I smiled at him with warm eyes. Coming out of the delivery room, my husband looked at my son and me, smiling and laughing with wet eyes. I touched his hand. The gentleman looked at me, smiled, and then slowly and wearily collapsed.

I cried out his name

The gentleman smiled, but did not open his tired eyes.

I thought I would never shed a tear for my husband again, but the fact is that I have never had such intense pain tearing my body. The doctor said that my husband's liver cancer was in its late stage when it was discovered, and it was an absolute miracle that he could persist for so long. I asked the doctor when he found it? The doctor said five months ago, and then comforted me: "Prepare for the future."

I ignored the nurse's obstruction and went home. I rushed into my husband's room and opened the computer. My heart was suffocated by pain.

My husband's liver cancer was discovered five months ago. His groans were true, and I thought

The 200000 words on the computer are a message written by my husband to my son: "Son, for your sake, I have been insisting on waiting to see you before falling down, which is my greatest wish now.". I know that you will have a lot of happiness or setbacks in your life. If I can accompany you through this growth process, how happy it would be, but Dad has no chance. Dad writes down the problems you may encounter in your life one by one on the computer. When you encounter these problems, you can refer to Dad's opinion?

My dearest child, after writing more than 200000 words, I feel like I have accompanied you through the whole growth process. Really, Dad is very happy. Love your mother well. She is very hard. She is the person who loves you most, and also the person I love most. I have covered everything from my son's kindergarten to primary school, middle school, college, work and love.

My husband also wrote a letter to me: Dear, marrying you is the greatest happiness of my life. Forgive me for hurting you and hiding my illness, because I want you to have a good mood waiting for the birth of the child. Dear, if you cry, it means that you have forgiven me, and I will smile. Thank you for loving me all the time. I'm afraid I won't have the chance to give these gifts to my child in person. Please send him several gifts every year. The date of the gift is written on the box.

Returning to the hospital, my husband was still in a coma. I took my son and put him beside me. I said, "Open your eyes and smile. I want my son to remember his warmth in your arms."

The gentleman opened his eyes with difficulty and smiled slightly. The son snuggled up in his arms and waved his pink hands.

I clicked the shutter and tears flowed freely on my face.