Be a Successful Converser

informal essay six thousand and twenty-eight 13 years ago (2011-03-28)

Maybe someone will say: Is there anyone who can't talk? In reality life Indeed, some of them are familiar with the road and are good at talking, while others are in an embarrassing situation where no one can talk about them. So what should we pay attention to when talking? Dr. Elgin, an American expert on language communication, believes that the following three aspects are very important for successful conversation. Mastering relevant skills can improve people's ability to talk and achieve good communication results.

Choose the right topic

When people talk, they usually choose a topic by the person who starts to speak. Everyone expresses their opinions around this topic and then turns to another topic. Therefore, it is very important to choose a suitable topic. If the selected topic can be accepted by everyone, the conversation will go on smoothly. If you choose an inappropriate topic, it will not arouse everyone's interest, and no one will respond, the conversation will fail. Sometimes you may have the power to make others have to sit down and listen to you. They may pretend to listen attentively, but you cannot force others to speak. Inappropriate topics mainly include the following types:

(1) Some people talk about their own topics. At first, people may be interested in listening. After a long time, people lose interest and even hide from such a talker.  

(2) Taboo related topics, such as marital relations, conflicts between family members, diseases that they do not want to talk about, etc. For example, some people do not want others to inquire about their economic sources or economic conditions. Therefore, it is better not to touch these topics unless the other party takes the initiative to mention them.  

(3) Fake topics refer to those topics that cannot be continued. If you start a conversation with "nice weather today", you have nothing to say about convenience. If you find that people around you are unwilling to talk with you, you should check whether you have problems in selecting topics. The check method is as follows: within one week, try to write down all the topics you choose when talking with people. If some topics appear repeatedly, record the number of times after the topic. This will give you a list of topics you have chosen. Check the topics that appear more frequently, and ask yourself two questions: Do you want to hear if others always talk about such topics with you? If you don't want to listen, why?

Talk in a certain order

People talk in a certain order, not just what they want to say, but when they want to say. During the conversation, the interlocutor and the listener can cooperate with each other to make the conversation go on smoothly. Assuming that A, B and C are talking together, the ideal way to talk is as follows:

1. A starts his speech. He chooses a topic and talks about it.  

2. A used some methods to make B continue talking.  

3. B takes over the conversation and says a few words along the topic selected by A.  

4. B selects C as the next interviewer.  

5. C takes over B's words and says a few words along the topic.  

6. C selects A as the next interviewer.  

7. This process continues until everyone feels that there is nothing to say about this topic or the time has run out. In this process, everyone has roughly equal opportunities and time to talk, and when one person speaks, others can only listen.  

8. The last person summarizes the topic selected by A, which indicates that the topic has ended and another topic can be introduced.  

It is this rule of exchanging positions between speakers and listeners that enables the conversation to proceed smoothly. This rule is like the traffic rules. Even if there is no police command, everyone will obey the rules of stopping at red lights and going at green lights, otherwise it will cause traffic jams. Although the rules of conversation are not as obvious as the traffic rules, they are also strictly observed. According to these rules, only those who participate in the conversation can decide to join or avoid the conversation according to their own needs. If you want to join the conversation, you must wait for the speaker to stop and take over the conversation. If you interrupt someone in the middle, it will be considered impolite. If you want to hand over the topic to the next person, there will be a pause to indicate that you have finished.  

There are two bad habits that need to be corrected. One is to think while speaking, and there is an undue pause in the middle of the sentence, which makes the listener unable to judge whether you have finished. The other is to keep talking without any pause, when people have to interrupt you. Various means can be used to hand over the topic to others. In addition to the pause mentioned above, it also includes asking a question and designating someone to express opinions. But an important clue to the end of a conversation is eye contact. If the interviewer makes eye contact with you when pausing, it means that he has chosen you as the next interviewer. You can use the same method when you are ready to give the voice to others. Therefore, if you don't want to join the conversation, don't make eye contact with the person who is talking. Another situation is that the interlocutor pauses, but does not choose the next interlocutor. At this time, you can choose to continue the conversation. In this case, there may be competition, that is, two or more people speak at the same time. According to the rules mentioned above, people should give up their rights and leave only one person to speak. Listen carefully to others' conversation. There are many characteristics of oral conversation that need attention. The words spoken are fleeting and cannot be played backwards like listening to tapes. The two sides of the conversation influence each other. What we say cannot be completely planned in advance. We need to revise what we say according to what the people in front say. Our words also affect what both sides want to say later. Therefore, it is very important to listen carefully to others. Only by understanding what others say can we respond effectively. Only by listening attentively can we accurately judge whether the other party has finished the conversation, and can we take over the conversation in a timely manner, instead of taking the liberty of interrupting others or speaking by ourselves without responding. The following are some bad obedience habits that should be corrected.  

① While listening, think about or practice what you should say when you speak.  

② While listening, think about how bad the speaker is. It will be much better to talk with another person (or yourself).  

③ Listen and think about some irrelevant trivia.  

④ Pay close attention to every word the speaker says in order to seize the beginning of the conversation when there is a pause.  

⑤ Try hard to write down every word the speaker said. In order to improve your "listening", you can use TV to practice. Choose a talk show, sit down and listen attentively without taking notes. Once you find yourself distracted, hurry back to the program. Keep practicing until you can listen to the program for an hour and a half.