Author: Sleeping late Source: Yilin Issue 2, 2016

When Sanmao was 22 years old, she went to Spain to study alone. Her parents, in accordance with the traditional Chinese ethics and moral concepts, repeatedly told her to reflect the Chinese education when she was away, and to tolerate everything is to take advantage of losses. Sanmao obeyed his parents' instruction and said, "I am humble, polite, gentle and sweet when dealing with devils for the first time.".

Sanmao is very clean and grateful for the care of her classmates, so she tried to do more things. Later, she didn't know what was going on, and the cleaning of the whole room belonged to her. Even the bed of four people was made by her alone. Although she was angry, she was always lazy but other students. She did it by herself when she couldn't bear to look at it, and she remembered the lesson of tolerance.

She became everyone's maid. Later, the girls lay on her bed and stole a drink. The dean caught them and scolded her as a scum, ruining the school atmosphere. The repression of more than three mao days finally broke out. She was so angry that she took a broom and "raised the broom to the group of students and began to fight like rain. I yelled and fought again and again. I fought desperately to vent my anger in my heart".

The students were silly. Hold her down. She spat at everyone, lost books and cursed. She really swept away all ghosts and snakes with her determination to die. It was night, the girls were so frightened that they didn't dare to leave and slipped away.

Since then, she has changed. She is no longer so easy to talk. If she loves someone, she will get away.

Strangely, when she became horizontal, her classmates were more friendly to her and put her first in everything. She didn't get the punishment she imagined, including the headmaster who knew he had wronged her and reconciled with her. Later, Sanmao lived happily in the dormitory.

After that, Sanmao recalled his time of patience and also reflected, "Why should I give in? Because we are Chinese. Why should I help others? Because it is virtue. Why don't I protest? Because I am cultured. Why should I do so much? Because I can do it. Why am I not angry? Because I am not at home". Everyone calls her baby and beauty, but she is not happy. "I completely lost confidence."

This experience was written by Sanmao in the article "The West Wind does not know how to look". It is not only the West Wind that doesn't know the appearance, but also the world that doesn't know the appearance. This is the rule everywhere. Those who lack the sense of self-protection try to behave better, more generous and more understanding, and use these to exchange for better interpersonal relationships. They dare not refuse, fearing that they will lose the trust and recognition of others. It is precisely in this way that the original boundaries between people are gradually pushed back, blurred and erased in the unprincipled compromise.

Gradually, when others find that there is nothing wrong with intervening in their territory and infringing their freedom, they will not resist or raise opinions, and the evil in human nature will spread rapidly.

People who are good people for the sake of being good people do good things not because they can do good things, but because they can't do good things and are afraid that they don't exist. Psychologist Wu Zhihong said that such a person lacks self and has never learned to interact with others from his own position and feelings. "My self is based on your recognition of me and your recognition that I am a good person. If no one recognizes me, my self will not exist. To be more serious, it is called self disintegration and self fragmentation.".

They can neither safeguard their own interests nor change their own weaknesses. They are trapped in the position of being "squeezed" by others. They can only solve their depression by complaining. But in fact, what they complain and hate is their own inability to express their true intentions. In order to escape the invisible self condemnation, they have to constantly complain about others and feel that they have been betrayed and entrapped by others.

This is the complex psychological reason why many Chinese good people are not happy.