According to the data of the State Civil Affairs Bureau, the number of single men and women in China has reached nearly 200 million, and the number of "single women" who choose to be single has increased significantly. The number of people living alone increased from 6% in 1990 to 14.6% in 2013, and now more than 58 million people live alone. The fourth wave of singles in China is coming, but social concepts and systems have not changed accordingly
In the movie BJ's Single Diary, Bridget Jones, the hero, is a 32 year old leftover woman, a woman who has been dull for many years and is eager to marry herself off. However, men around said that women's love is a game of grabbing seats. A girl who has no boyfriend after 30 years old is like a person who has stopped music and has not found a seat and is out.
In China, some scholars have found that rural men over a certain age who have not yet married are considered as aliens. They not only feel unable to hold their heads up, but also easily become excluded and isolated by the villagers, whether intentionally or not.
However, singles are gradually becoming an independent group and a social symbol. According to media reports, there were 180 million single men and women in mainland China as of 2011, according to the National Civil Affairs Bureau.
This trend is not unique to mainland China. Taiwan media reported that in 2012, the number of single people over 15 years old in Taiwan was 9.39 million, accounting for about 42% of the total population; The National Institute of Social Security and Population Studies predicts that by 2030, the proportion of lifelong unmarried men in Japan will increase to 30%, while that of women will increase to 23%.
Eric Klinenberg, a sociology professor at New York University in the United States, wrote the book "Single Society", indicating that this represents the most significant social change since the baby boom - we are learning to be single, which has brought a new way of life: "It has changed people's understanding of themselves and the closest relationship between human beings; It affects the construction of cities and economic changes; It has even changed the way people grow and grow up, as well as the way people grow old and even die. "
Marriage and singleness are both options of life. However, in a traditional marriage oriented society like China, singles belong to an absolute minority in statistical sense. They are dissociated from the spouse system. From concept to system, from economy to psychology, they are more or less faced with obstacles and are ignored, sacrificed or discriminated against.
All kinds of signs show that the single face is a thorny and difficult road leading to a future full of challenges but with unclear prospects - here, single is not wrong, but will be punished.
Troubles of unmarried mothers
One day in late autumn in Beijing, it was drizzling. Wei Shan puts on her hat for her daughter after kindergarten, subconsciously touches her head, and sighs heartily. His thin hair hung softly on his small head. The hairline is a little high, but no longer than the forehead. The younger sisters in my daughter's class are all braiding their hair one by one, but my daughter cannot.
She felt that it was her own fault. "Many illegitimate students come here by rolling over". As an elderly unmarried mother, she breastfed alone. Sometimes she was too tired to cook rice noodles for her children, let alone add other ingredients, so that her daughter grew up innutrition 。 Height, weight and hair are all worse than children of the same age.
"Sometimes when I think of these things, I hate the father of the child." Wei Shan accentuated her voice. The man is unwilling to marry her, and has been pestering her ever since. Wei Shan is almost 40 years old and has obvious crow's feet on her eyes. Because she was old, when she was pregnant, the doctor told her that if she gave up this one, she might not be pregnant in her life. On second thought, she chose to stay.
Many unmarried mothers have similar situations. Wei Shan knows an unmarried mother who has scar uterus and multiple hair fibroid , I had a myoma operation a few years ago, and then it recurred. After she was pregnant with her first child, she was kept alive until caesarean section. The postpartum doctor said that she could no longer perform such operations in the future. This means that the mother can only have this child.
Wei Shan's daughter is nearly 3 years old and still a "black house". Under China's current family planning policy, a birth permit (family planning service certificate) must be held to give birth to a child, and a marriage certificate is a prerequisite for obtaining a birth permit. Therefore, illegitimate childbearing does not comply with the national family planning regulations, which is an illegal birth.
If a child is born beyond the provisions of the State, social maintenance fees shall be paid. Like Wei Shan, even if it is the first child, unmarried childbirth will be charged. This is a large amount of fine, which is usually linked to the annual disposable income per capita in different regions. The standards are different in different regions.
Wei Shan is registered in Chaoyang District, Beijing. In 2013, she was ready to pay the fine, but the amount exceeded expectations. When the per capita disposable income of urban residents in Beijing was 40321 yuan, Wei Shan was told by the Community Family Planning Commission that she needed to pay a fine of six times, that is, 240000 yuan
The Administrative Measures of Beijing Municipality on the Collection of Social Maintenance Fees does stipulate that the party who gives birth to the first child out of wedlock shall be charged at the rate of one time. However, the father of the child of Wei Shan, who was divorced and had a daughter, must count Wei Shan's child as the man's second child. 3 to 10 times for the second child.
Wei Shan's child's father is registered in Jiangxi. The fine in Jiangxi is less, but they cannot pay in Jiangxi. Because there is another provision in the above provisions, as long as one party has Beijing household registration and the other party is not, the district and county family planning administrative departments of the party with Beijing household registration shall collect social maintenance fees.
Worried, Weishan thought of another way: to report her father's disappearance. However, she soon found that this is also an almost impossible way: in Beijing, the premise of paying social maintenance fees is to provide the birth father information and paternity test certificate. If no one can be found, a certificate of disappearance shall be issued to the public security organ of the other party's domicile.
However, it is impossible to prove the disappearance - the disappeared biological fathers often only "hide" from their unmarried mothers, but keep in touch with their families. The unmarried mother and her biological father have no marriage certificate, which means that they have no interest and can not apply to the court. This means that if the man is unable to contact or unwilling to appear, unmarried mothers are not even eligible to pay social support.
The child's biological father once encouraged Wei Shan to "fake marriage". When Wei Shan was pregnant, he did not know where to find a man from Ningxia and asked Wei Shan to go to Ningxia to get a certificate. He was very satisfied with the arrangement, and Wei Shan realized that the risk was great and refused until the moment before starting.
"I didn't do anything wrong with emotion, reason and humanity." Wei Shan became more and more dissatisfied with her situation. Now, she and her daughter's biological father are locked in a stalemate over the 240000 yuan social support. If the other party cannot insist, she can only go to the court to sue after she has paid in full. The best result is only half of one person - she is always entangled. Compared with the efforts of both parties, the gap is too big to accept.
On the right to procreate
In July 2015, Xu Jinglei disclosed her frozen eggs in the United States to the media, causing heated debate. In August, CCTV news reported that China's single women cannot use frozen eggs to give birth. Xu Jinglei forwarded her microblog and said, "There is a kind of creature called: # China's single women #." Later, Han Han, the writer, also forwarded his microblog and said, "Must we marry a man to give birth?"
As early as September 2002, Jilin Province passed the Regulations of Jilin Province on Population and Family Planning, in which the second paragraph of Article 30 stipulates that "women who have reached the legal age of marriage and decided not to marry again without children can adopt legal medical assisted reproductive technology to give birth to a child."
This is the first time in the country's local legislation. It extends the subject of reproductive rights to single women, and impacts the traditional concept of enjoying reproductive rights based on marriage. Once the regulations are issued, the whole country disputes. Supporters said that this was a great progress in the theory of reproductive rights; Opponents said that it would cause many problems. For example, in case of the accidental death of a single mother, who would raise the baby?
China News Weekly sent an interview application to Jilin Provincial Health and Family Planning Commission in this regard, but no reply was received by the deadline.
In fact, two months after Jilin Province passed the regulations, Zhao Bingli, the deputy director of the National Family Planning Commission, said publicly that although single women also have the right to have children, it is not appropriate to regulate this in the form of laws and regulations. In June 2003, the Ministry of Health of the People's Republic of China issued the newly revised Technical Specification for Human Assisted Reproduction, which clearly stipulates that "it is prohibited to apply human assisted reproductive technology to couples and single women who do not conform to the provisions of the national population and family planning laws and regulations", once again blocking the door of single birth.
Under this provision, freezing eggs for single women is also not feasible. "Frozen eggs" belong to the category of assisted reproductive technology, and must have "three certificates", namely marriage certificate, ID card, birth permit, and Infertility Only couples with ADHD can receive assisted reproductive technology diagnosis and treatment. Some hospitals allow single women to freeze eggs, but they must provide three certificates when using frozen eggs.
"In the sense of human equality, everyone, whether married or single, seems to have the right to bear and raise children." Professor Wang Guixin, director of the Institute of Population Studies of Fudan University and doctoral advisor, said in an interview with China News Weekly.
He said that in some developed countries such as Europe, the United States, Japan and South Korea, the number of unmarried and infertile people is increasing, especially among the highly educated population, the proportion of unmarried and infertile people is relatively high. This phenomenon has aggravated the aging of fewer children in these countries and even led to the reduction of their population. Therefore, in these countries, the "single reproductive right" is the basic right that is required to be exercised. Some countries even advocate whether married or single, as long as there is fertility.
In the UK, unmarried mothers can easily apply for government subsidies from the Ministry of Public Service. In addition to goods, food and medical aid, the British government also directly grants aid to unmarried mothers, which can almost meet all the living needs of mothers and children. In the United States, unmarried mothers' help programs also include housing subsidies and housing vouchers to help unmarried mothers who are about to lose their homes.
However, these do not apply to China's national conditions. Professor Wang Guixin also said: "I personally believe that at the current stage of development in China, the issue of single birth rights or the separation of birth rights and marriage can be discussed in theory, but in practice it is not suitable to advocate in a large area."
In his view, the traditional sense of fertility should generally be based on marriage. Traditionally, if an unmarried woman gives birth to a child, everyone will feel strange, and even think that the unmarried woman has some quality problems, such as improper relationship between men and women. In this sense, the term "single childbearing right" is not appropriate.
In fact, in China's current society, there is not only a lack of support system for unmarried mothers, but also a denial of some of their rights. For example, the examination fees, surgery fees, hospitalization fees, midwifery fees, medicine fees and other expenses that should be paid by maternity insurance cannot be reimbursed. If you want to take paid maternity leave, you need to provide a birth permit, and you have to resign.
In August 2011, a reader wrote to a magazine that she was found pregnant in a physical examination organized by the company. Because she was not married, she admitted to the company for many times that she was willing to deal with the aftermath without affecting her work. However, the company still terminated the labor relationship with her on the grounds of violating the planned birth policy.
Hidden obstacles
Every August 15 Mid Autumn Festival, a national ministry where Wang Yu, a Beijing man, works, invites single young people to have a meal. At the dinner table, the leader expressed in a warm and sympathetic tone that no one would take care of you when the festival was coming. The representative office and the secretary of the representative director made you feel the warmth of the big family.
Wang Yu has eaten this bachelor dinner for more than ten years. The older you get, the worse you taste. He is often asked to give a toast, speak from his own experience, and urge from a "positive perspective". It was not until the last two years that the state tightened official consumption that this practice was abolished.
He is 43 years old this year, and looks younger between his eyes and eyebrows. After work, he practises writing for an hour every day and plays volleyball on weekends. I plan to read 60 books this year, and I have almost finished my goal. Have a party with friends and drink some wine in your spare time. In his opinion, single life is rich and free, and there is no need for "sympathy".
However, his marriage problem is the "focus of ideological and political work" of the Bureau. Every year, the bureau submits business work plans and ideological and political work plans, which include the marriage and love problems of young workers, solving the life problems of difficult workers, and so on. A leader once joked at the meeting that the first task of ideological and political work this year was to help Wang Yu find a target.
"In China, the leadership style of traditional state organs like ours is paternalistic. From the heart of their hearts, they think that being single is a hidden danger, an unstable person, a sign of incompetence in leadership management and work, and a complex mentality." Wang Yu said.
A direct leader once introduced him to three or four blind dates. The first time I failed, the leader said with a smile that it was OK, and then he found a good one for you. If he failed again, the leader's attitude became colder and his face became more and more ugly - the leader was enthusiastic and somewhat stubborn. He used to insist on Wang Yu wearing an extra coat when going out in cold weather. If he didn't wear one, he would be angry.
In the view of Li Hanlin, president of the Institute of Social Development Strategy of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, "in the era of planned economy, the state included almost all individuals in the unit. The unit organization plays the role of a parent in front of its internal members. It integrates various social functions and provides various services for its members as far as possible, and gradually evolves into a diversified complex consciously or unconsciously. "
At the end of last year, the bureau held a small meeting to discuss the appointment of cadres. Someone suggested that Wang Yu should be transferred to a vacant position of the head of the bureau. A direct leader objected, "Why not get married?" The matter ended. A colleague at the meeting told Wang Yu about the matter and urged him, "You should solve it quickly. If you don't solve it, the leaders have opinions and ideas about you, which is not easy to do."
"Marriage is not a condition for extra points, but being single is probably the reason that hinders you." Wang Yu has realized this. "Being single is only the fuse, and it is the embodiment of a person's values and outlook on life. Leaders may think that you lack an overall view, a collective awareness, or simply not striving for progress, which will definitely leave a shadow in your heart."
Their unit has a hidden rule of "single people are not sent abroad", to the effect that they are afraid that single people are irresponsible and distrusted. However, it doesn't matter what is divorced. When they started working in 1995, the unit still had welfare housing, but only single people over 35 years old were eligible to apply, and there was no age limit for married people. For this reason, Wang Yu waited for 10 years.
In previous years, the unit organized a vacation every year, allowing family members. On two occasions, Wang Yu also signed up, but he was finally dismissed. Generally, the leader of the Political Affairs Department calls him, "There are many people, and everyone else has family members. You are alone. Can you sacrifice this time? There will be opportunities in the future."
Wang Yu believes that marriage is a matter of personal privacy, and the unit should not interfere; However, at present, the closeness and obstinacy of the unit are difficult to loosen - one of his young unmarried colleagues was interviewed by the leader for education because he took a girl back to the dormitory, and asked him to "establish correct values, marriage and love to lead the social trend".
Policy restrictions
During her 9 years in Shanghai, the girl Lin Yong has changed 6 rental houses. In the most frequent year, she moved three times, complaining incessantly. However, she has no Shanghai hukou and is not married, so she is excluded from the house buyers. Before the policy was relaxed, she was doomed to not have a stable home in Shanghai.
In October 2010, when the Shanghai property market stopped falling and recovered, Shanghai announced the "Twelve Rules of Shanghai" to curb housing prices. It was announced that, from the date of the release of the opinion, it was temporarily decided that households in this city and other provinces and cities (including spouses and minor children) could only purchase a new commercial housing (including second-hand stock housing) in this city. This means that single people from other provinces and cities are not eligible to buy houses in Shanghai.
Lin Yong saw it on the news and cursed in his heart silently. Before that, she had seen thirty or forty houses. "At that time, it was crazy to look at houses. A group of people followed the intermediary to look at houses. Some people decided to buy them on the spot, and others had to leave.". She didn't buy it in time, only to lose her qualification.
"February Girl", an online celebrity living in Shanghai, once launched the "Anti purchase Restriction Alliance for Non local Singles", "solicited 10 MMs who had the same experience, or who also opposed the Shanghai nationality discrimination purchase restriction order, and went offline to negotiate with the Shanghai Housing Authority, and said," We support the regulation of housing prices, but we oppose regional discrimination! When the government forces marriage, where will the unmarried believers and Qi Tianda go? "
She asked several partners to go to the Housing Authority, but the staff replied very firmly, saying "this is the policy".
In many cities, singles are also excluded from the application for affordable housing. In 2007, Guangzhou made it clear that affordable housing should be purchased mainly by families, and single people should not purchase affordable housing. It is said that this is to prevent a couple from using divorce to buy two houses. The elderly and single people over 30 with housing difficulties will be guaranteed through the low rent housing system.
Some media reported that a 36 year old man with Beijing household registration chose not to marry in order to wait for affordable housing. Beijing stipulates that the annual income of a one person family buying affordable housing must be 22700 yuan or less, and the annual income of a two person family must be 36300 yuan or less. After subtracting his annual income, "If you find a wife who earns more than 1200 yuan a month, the affordable housing will disappear."
In order to buy a house, an intermediary offered Lin Yong some advice. As long as they paid, they could help to get a marriage certificate. Lin Yong refused. She did not understand why people would rather be generous to accept such deceptions as fake marriage and divorce - someone once introduced her to a blind date, saying that the other party had been fake married once with more demolition money, but could not accommodate real life singles.
"The government can limit the conditions for a single person to buy a house, such as how old they are, how many years they have lived, and if they find a divorce cheating house, they can take back the house. But the one size fits all lazy politics is really unacceptable," said Lin Yong, "The government departments seem to naturally think that if you don't get married, you don't need a house, and single people don't just need a house, they are a group of people who can be sacrificed and ignored."
In fact, the saying that "the family is the most basic unit of society" has been deeply rooted in the hearts of the people. "China has neither a culture of no marriage nor a culture of infertility, and Chinese women are basically married and bred in general," Yang Juhua, a professor at the School of Society and Population, Renmin University of China, told China News Weekly. Therefore, the formulation of national policies is often naturally considered on the basis of families.
However, "the family perspective is just a perspective of policy making, not the only perspective. Today, with the arrival of the 'individual society', family life is just a way of life", said Zhang Liang, an author of the Institute of Sociology of the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences.
In his view, social changes have led to changes in family forms, and there are certain risks and loopholes in the family perspective. For example, the mass divorce events that occurred in various regions in order to obtain the minimum living allowance and relocation funds reflect that taking the family as the unit of policy design may actually damage the family or violate social justice.
Gao Fuqiang, a reporter of the China Women's Daily "Farmer's Woman" magazine, has been concerned about women's rights for many years. During his many visits, he found that Chinese rural women did not have the qualification of villagers in their hometown. Under the pressure of the system and policies, they had to marry a specific man to enjoy the treatment of villagers in their husband's village.
In the early days of reform and opening up, rural land was contracted to households, and girls were considered to be married out, so they usually could not get land, nor could they apply for homestead in their own village; Later, the compensation for land acquisition and population resettlement still excluded the local girls. If she chooses not to marry or divorce for various reasons, then she will have no villager qualification (or incomplete villager qualification) in her life, and all benefits brought by national policies will have nothing to do with them.
"Only abuse single dogs"
According to the data of the sixth census, 2.47% of the female population aged 30 and above are unmarried; However, only 0.92% of the data from the previous fifth census were unmarried. In the past 10 years, this proportion has nearly doubled.
Singles in big cities are gradually becoming a unique social group, most of whom are "leftover women". "Leftover women" is one of the 171 new Chinese words published by the Ministry of Education in 2007. The official definition is that most modern urban women have high education, high income and high IQ. However, there is no marriage.
Qiushi was only 27 years old, but she became a "leftover woman" in the eyes of others in a prefecture level city in a central province. Mother's forced marriage has risen to the level of "death in peace". For this reason, she moved to another city, moved to the company's single dormitory, and seldom went home. "The single problem directly led to the disharmony of my family relationship."
At home, she should carefully consider every word she said, and must avoid the topic of marriage after three sentences. For example, if you watch TV, you will casually exclaim that this man is so handsome. Mom will answer the call and stare at the handsome person. How can you find it in real life? That's why you can't get married!
She invited her mother to travel. My mother would refuse, for the reason that if something happened and one of the family members was paralyzed, who would want you?
A doctor friend of obstetrics and gynecology advised her that if she lived alone all her life and went to the hospital when she was old, the hospital would not accept it. My friend said that according to the rules and regulations, you can operate by signing your own signature; However, it is a common practice that if there is no relatives to accompany them, they will not be admitted to the hospital, and they will be evaded for other reasons such as no hospital bed. The reason is that once a medical accident occurs, it is difficult to solve it.
If you want to enter the nursing home when you are old, you must have the signature of your children or guardians and guarantors. The operating cemetery can only charge for 20 years at most. If there are no children to help renew the fee, the cemetery will be treated as an unowned tomb, and the ashes will be thrown or buried deeply. One netizen commented: "I thought that the biggest enemy of celibacy was only parents, so it seems that the biggest enemy is actually the country!"
Although Qiushi is still young, she has felt all kinds of inconvenience of "abusing single dogs only". For example, she wants to apply for a group tour alone, but the tour group is based on two people, and one person needs to make up the single room difference when signing up. When going abroad to apply for a visa, the travel agency told her that if she was single and unaccompanied, she was very likely to be refused the visa.
The company always asks her to work overtime on holidays, because she is not married and nothing important. When the company organizes physical examination, single women do not have gynaecological examination - "people default that being single means no sex life".
A former university teacher told her, "The first thing for female students to do after their postgraduate exam is to find a good partner and occupy one quickly, otherwise when you take the doctoral exam, no one will take it. We passed the dormitory building for female doctors, and all of us hid.", Qiushi could not help sighing: "As an older, single, literary and artistic young woman in mainland China who does not want to marry and have children, the world has never stopped its malicious projection on us.". ★
(At the request of the interviewee, Wei Shan, Wang Yu, Lin Yong and Qiu Shi are pseudonyms.)
One person's economic society
♀ In Japan, the single service industry developed earlier. Because most single people live in single apartments and have small closets, Tokyo street laundries have launched clothing storage services. Customers can enjoy up to 7 months of storage services as long as they pay the same amount for laundry.
Some Japanese restaurants that serve independent diners provide cute plush toys to accompany them. 7.11 The convenience store chain group launched housekeeping services to provide household kitchen, bathroom and bedding cleaning services for single people. In 2014, the household goods retailer Muji launched a set of "small" kitchen supplies, including a small oven, a cooker, an electric kettle and a juicer.
A Japanese company can provide a new service called "Single Wedding". Customers wear wedding dresses, make up carefully and choose bouquets in two days. If they want, customers can even choose a man to accompany them to take photos.
♂ In South Korea, unmarried women can go to the photography studio alone to take wedding photos. Some electrical companies announced that they would focus on single person families and launch small capacity washing machines, robot vacuum cleaners and portable televisions; In 2013, the sales of packaged, ready to eat and single serving food increased significantly. However, South Korea's new tax system stipulates that unmarried high-income single workers pay more personal income tax than married people, which is mocked as a disguised "single tax".
♀ In Taiwan, there are restaurants that offer one person Buddha jumping over the wall and Pizza, and convenience stores that sell a single banana. Mini air purifiers, small packaged rice, small pottery pots suitable for one person can be bought on the street.
♂ In February 2010, Norwegian Cruise Line announced that it would add 128 single rooms on Caribbean cruise lines, and no longer need to pay for two people. A hotel in Santa Monica, the United States, launched a "travel alone in the city" program, including many suggestions on how to visit the city alone.
♀ In Stockholm, Sweden, there is a seven floor residential project called "Embrace Life Together", which is specially set up for people over 40 years old who have no children and are interested in living alone together for the rest of their lives. The public space in the building includes dining room, open kitchen, computer room, laundry room, knitting area, carpentry room, etc. Every Saturday, every resident must assist in cooking and cleaning.
Four Singles in China
♀ The first time was in the 1950s, affected by the first Marriage Law;
♂ The second time was in the late 1970s, educated youth divorced one after another in order to return to the city, which led to the emergence of a trend of singles;
♀ The third time was in the 1990s, when the reform and opening up led to the change of traditional family concepts, and the third wave of singles came;
♂ At the end of the 20th century, with the rapid development of economy and the improvement of women's sense of autonomy, the fourth wave of singles gradually emerged. It is characterized by the obvious increase of "single women" who actively choose to be single, which also drives the "single economy".
