I am an ascetic monk who practices in the coffin mountain.
Many years ago, I was a secular disciple. At that time, I never thought I would become a monk, and I was willing to be an ascetic monk.
If you ask me why I am willing to be a monk, I can't answer. All I can tell you is when I decided to become an ascetic monk.
The story starts from a very, very long afternoon.
My family name is Su, and it is a famous local family. When it came to my father's generation, the family population gradually withered, so that I was the only male in such a large family.
The elders of my family place high hopes on me, hoping that I can pass the examination and honor my ancestors. I did not disappoint their hopes for me.
That year, when the scientific examination was coming, my mother suddenly became seriously ill. The family found many doctors for this, but they all said they were helpless.
One afternoon, the superintendent suddenly reported in a hurry that there was a monk outside the house, saying that he had a way to cure his wife's disease.
The father was overjoyed and invited the monk into the mansion. After some politeness, my father went straight to the subject. Begging the monk to cure his mother.
However, the monk said that after he cured his mother's illness, he would not take any money. Only one condition was that he would let me give up this year's scientific examination and travel with him for a year. After a year, we would not owe each other.
Although my father attached great importance to my scientific examination, he thought that it would not be a problem for me to get an official position based on my knowledge.
It would be a pity to give up this opportunity.
But compared with her mother's life, it is insignificant to gain fame and fortune.
So my father and I soon made a choice. I asked the monk to cure my mother, and I promised to travel with him for a year.
The monk did not know what method to use, which made many doctors helpless. After his treatment, his mother could walk on the ground within half a month.
There is nothing wrong with ordinary people.
After my mother got well, she heard of my agreement with the monk, and was reluctant to let me leave home. Fortunately, my father is a person who attaches great importance to commitment, and he would not do such a thing.
The monk saw that my mother was reluctant to part with her son and suffered separation just because she couldn't bear her mother's illness, so he asked me to serve her in her bed for more than half a month.
The day I left home, I thought that a year would soon pass.
After returning from traveling, he can continue to participate in the scientific examination, realizing his father's desire to make himself shine.
Unfortunately, man's calculation is not as good as heaven's.
From the moment I left home to the decades to come, I never had the chance to see my father and mother again.
Later, I asked the monk why he asked me to go out with him?
The monk's answer surprised me: because I saw that you were predestined by Buddha.
Are you connected with Buddha?
In just four words, the relationship between me and my parents was completely severed, and there was no chance to meet again. Buddha, is that how people get along?
I am puzzled.
In the first few years, I lived in the heart of condemnation every day. As a son, I didn't support my parents. How could I stand in the world?
I thought of countless ways to commit suicide with filial piety. But I am still a layman after all. I can't sacrifice my life like the sages in ancient times.
Buddha said that he saw me predestined and wanted to ferry me ahead of time. So he sent his followers and monks to guide me.
Later, when I became a Buddhist, I could not hide the pure heart of the common people. Walking in the bustling world, but never knowing what "law" is
Buddha also said that I have six impure roots and need self-cultivation.
So I decided to abandon my cassock and take up the bowl and live in this wild place deep in the mountains.
I have seen with my own eyes the scene of a big insect feeding its young, and I have also seen the scene of a child changing for food.
Buddha asked me if I could understand what "Dharma" is? But I still don't understand.
Year after year, maybe the Buddha looked away, but I still didn't understand the true meaning of "Buddhism".
The monk who led me at the first time has not known who to extradite. Only I am left to struggle in this boundless realm.
What is Buddha? What is law? Dharma is universal and benefits all living beings. But why did Buddha drag me down the water of bitterness, but he didn't cross me to the shore?
Too much confusion and incomprehension made me farther and farther away from the Buddha, so finally I became an ascetic monk on the coffin hill.
