In the sea of life, we must allow someone to miss you to catch up with the best encounter - Zhang Haochen
Is it true that only "deep love between husband and wife, following husband and wife, harmonizing music" can truly describe the harmonious relationship between husband and wife, which is desirable enough?
Those who have never experienced marriage must think so. But when you really step into the marriage hall, you will find that everything in life is not going well.
There are often arguments and conflicts between husband and wife, such as our parents and ourselves.
We often hear of people who seek help from others because of marital incompatibility, but rarely hear of people who seek help because of harmonious relationship and no quarrel or conflict.
We subconsciously believe that a good relationship should be one that does not quarrel, does not contradict each other, understands humility and tolerance, and can coexist in harmony.
Does such a husband wife relationship exist? To tell the truth, there must be, but it will not be easily discovered. In reality, there are too many people who are polite on the surface and seem to respect each other like guests. In fact, their relationship is not so close.
Both lovers and people with harmonious husband and wife relationships have one thing in common, that is, too harmonious makes life without passion, and everything seems unreal.
There are many problems behind the seemingly harmonious
1. Without expression of heart, resentment will only increase
We all have this illusion before we quarrel with our partners. I was worried about how to release myself and how to win this fight. However, after a real quarrel, there will be no special result. Instead, there will be a feeling of relief in my heart.
Even some couples become more intimate after a quarrel, and can find problems in the quarrel and solve them. This is the so-called quarrel at the end of the bed.
In fact, the reason why we choose to solve problems by arguing is that we hope the other party can see their own feelings, and the other party can accept and understand their feelings.
When we are wronged, if the other party doesn't notice, we will have a strong desire to talk and express. We hope the other party can notice all this.
When making contradictions and quarrels, we are more expressing ourselves. It doesn't matter how much the other person understands, but it is enough for us to have a place to express ourselves.
When encountering pressure, we always like to vent out loud, and think that negative emotions will be reduced.
Let the negative emotions flow. When they have a place to release, we will not feel that they are accumulating more and more, and we will be overwhelmed.
Those so-called harmonious couples, however, have the opposite way of getting along. Even if they are dissatisfied, they should pretend to be satisfied and dare not express it.
But that kind of grievance will not disappear because you don't vent it or express it. On the contrary, negative emotions will only accumulate and eventually collapse because of a trivial matter.
As the saying goes, the dike of a thousand miles will collapse in the ant nest. The more inconspicuous the emotion, the worse the relationship. We might as well try to share our feelings and let our emotions vent.
Maybe you are not good at expressing, which is not important. The important thing is not to let yourself suppress, tolerate and dare not express for the sake of superficial harmony. Only by taking a small step can we take a big step forward.
Most of the time, what couples lack is mutual honesty. They always feel that the other party can understand. Instead, they hide their feelings and don't say anything. They naively think that the other party can understand, but the result is that the relationship is irretrievable.
2. Express your needs, and the relationship will be intimate
No matter what kind of relationship, the courage to ask for and rely on each other is an important step in establishing an intimate relationship.
When you boldly propose "I need you" to the other party, it means that the other party is important to you, and it also proves that you are willing to remove your armor and meet the other party sincerely.
The relationship between Yin Zheng and Li Wei, the six young masters in the recent hit drama "Qing Qing Daily", is to explain their needs to each other, from being pessimistic at the beginning to really liking them.
The two people help each other in life and career. Li Wei's six young owners of a shop offer advice behind their backs. When the six young owners are in trouble in the court, Li Wei will try her best to help him.
Two people have their own things and ideas, but they have each other in their hearts.
Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: "A good relationship is that sometimes you can be separated into two independent individuals, and sometimes you will be inseparable.".
If you are unhappy or uncomfortable, it is so sad that you don't have anyone to accompany you.
To express our needs to each other is not affectation, but honest expression of our love. Only the most important person will think of him and need him the first time.
3. Conflict is an opportunity to improve relations
A good relationship is not only good but also bad. A really good relationship can be both good and bad. They can find opportunities to improve the relationship through the bad, thus making the two more intimate.
It is precisely because of these problems that we can pick out the "thorns" in the relationship, whether we quarrel or contradict. And those so-called harmonious pictures are just boiling frogs in warm water, only pursuing the good side.
The real problems are all surging in the undercurrent. I'm afraid it's too late to find them, and there's no way to remedy them.
Arguing is not terrible. We need to find the real problem in the contradiction to better improve our relationship.
If there is no outlet for venting emotions, then one day the seemingly harmonious relationship will break out in silence.
In marriage, only by constantly finding problems, improving relationships, and knowing how to find answers to problems, can we truly imitate husband and wife.
The harmonious relationship of "respect each other as guests" will only make each other lose themselves, and the seemingly harmonious relationship is just self consolation. Do not want to express, do not dare to face the sadness behind tearing down "respect as guests".
Wen/Chen Fei's Heart Language
Pay attention to my words and walk into your heart.
The figure in the article comes from the network. Deleted figure of infringement contact
