Surging journalist Jiang Lelai, editor He Yuxi
On March 28, Pan Wenhao, a senior high school student from Guizhou, left Guiyang alone with more than 100 yuan, and then spent 8 days in Shanghai. On the evening of June 24, when the results were announced, Pan Wenhao planned to resume his studies for another year. He believed that he would not give up.
Pan Wenhao decided to go to Shanghai. He didn't think about where to go or what to do. The only thing he was sure of was that he only had more than 100 yuan.
As a junior in senior high school, he took the green train from Guiyang to Hainan alone, which was on March 28, 2024, 71 days away from the college entrance examination.
1800km, 28 hours and 10 minutes, the train is going to a destination full of unknown information. Behind it, there are falling scores, broken families, depression and anxiety.
During his eight days in Shanghai, Pan Wenhao walked into the World Building Complex on the Bund at night and looked up at the towering Lujiazui "Three Piece Set". More of the time, he ran for food and clothing, did daily work, slept in fast food restaurants, convenience stores, Internet cafes and outdoor benches, took a bath, and once struggled on the "survival line" of penniless.
"Wandering" is a romantic term, and "wandering" is closer to the reality of life. The 18-year-old boy completed his adult ceremony with a long journey.
In this place like another world, Pan Wenhao realized that Shanghai was just an episode, not the answer. He also had an exam that people said was very important, and he still had a long way to go. He wanted to spell again, although the result might not be satisfactory.
As for the incredible "Eight Days in a Foreign Country", some people saw extraordinary courage, while others said it was motivated. Pan Wenhao only regarded this as a "game", not about winning or losing. He enjoyed himself very much.
Pan Wenhao released a video recording the whole journey of "wandering" in Shanghai, with more than 500000 social media screenshots liked
game
Undoubtedly, this is the most exciting thing Pan Wenhao has ever done in his life. Looking back after more than two months, he described his feeling of this "game" very simply - cool.
The map of "Game" is set in Magic City Shanghai. His only impression of this city is Lujiazui's "Three Pieces" (Global Financial Center, Jinmao Building and Shanghai Center Building) in the short video software. The high-rise buildings directly into the clouds brought the most intuitive visual shock, which was naturally attractive to Pan Wenhao who was still in Guizhou at that time. He has occasionally heard that Shanghai may be exclusive, and prices seem to be very high. This information can be regarded as the difficulty attribute of "map", which is very difficult to play.
This "game" has no strategy. From buying a good ticket to the arrival of the train, Pan Wenhao almost never thought about where he would go to Shanghai or what he would do.
During the 28 hours on the train, he spent most of his time looking out of the window to see the scenery that was barely "passable". This time, he left without saying goodbye. When the countdown board for the college entrance examination turned to 71 days, he did not care what teachers, relatives and friends would think, nor did he plan ahead for survival in a foreign country.
In the early morning when I spent in the car, the dark blue sky was reflected outside the window, and the dark shadows of trees crossed, occasionally revealing the outline of a distant mountain in the gap. Pan Wenhao took a video with his mobile phone and released it. Everything was hazy under the out of focus lens.
Next door was a teacher from Zhuzhou, Hunan Province. They got along for four hours. On the way, the teacher gave him oranges and pomelos and left WeChat to contact him in case of difficulties. In the chat box, they indicated their identities and never contacted again.
As if NPC appeared in the process of loading the game, kindness from strangers became the ornament of the journey, but it did not hinder the main line. Pan Wenhao is indifferent, neither happy nor sad, nor nervous about the approaching Shanghai and the unknown life.
When the train arrived, Pan Wenhao felt relaxed. Shanghai has finally arrived, or 28 hours have finally passed.
After getting off the bus, he began to search for places to travel in Shanghai, and only then did he know that there was a place called the Bund. According to the Internet, the scenery there is very good, there is no charge, and you can also take a two yuan ferry. So this was his first destination.
The pictures of this article taken by Pan Wenhao on the other side of the Huangpu River at the Bund are all provided by the interviewees except for the notes
Standing by the Huangpu River, Pan Wenhao felt that the Pudong skyline on the opposite bank had an indescribable shock. At that moment, he hoped that he was a part of the city, and that the place with many tall buildings was where he struggled. However, this idea was soon shattered in a home-made restaurant near the Bund. He sat down and turned the menu from the first page to the last page, completely losing his appetite.
In the end, Pan Wenhao's video record of the first day in Shanghai showed the consumption as follows: "Take the subway twice for 7 yuan, eat three Dongpo meat buns for 10.5 yuan, buy a bottle of Sprite for 3.8 yuan, and spend a total of 21.3 yuan." On the first night, he found an eight bedroom home stay and spent 42 yuan. This is a huge sum of money for Pan Wenhao's available funds, but as far as the accommodation experience is concerned, the environment is not ideal, or even a bit bad.
The reality soon tore up the illusory yearning for big cities. Pan Wenhao faces many unknowns, but he knows at least two things: what kind of restaurants do not need to go in, and what kind of accommodation do not need to be considered. On the first day, almost half of the money was spent, and the "game" started like this, and the "survival" attribute of "game" also immediately emerged.
existence
Pan Wenhao never thought it would be easy to be alone in Shanghai.
He believed that he could do it, but he did not have much positive presupposition about the outcome of the game. Before he set out, he painted some of the most embarrassing pictures in his mind. Sleeping on the street, attacked by other vagrants. Or if you don't have money to eat, go to a restaurant and fill your stomach at the table after others finish eating.
Fortunately, neither of these two situations happened, but the balance of the mobile wallet is constantly ringing the alarm bell. On March 30, the second day after arriving in Shanghai, "5 yuan for subway, 10 yuan for small wonton at noon, and 15 yuan for rice with Salya meat sauce in the afternoon"; On March 31, the third day in Shanghai, "I bought 2 meat buns and 3 starch intestines at noon, picked up 2 pieces of water after a long time, and spent 4 pieces by subway".
During his stay in Shanghai, Pan Wenhao kept updating social media screenshots via short videos
Overnight is still a barrier. After homestay is no longer an option, Pan Wenhao chose a 24-hour fast food restaurant on the night of the 30th. At two o'clock in the morning, the music in the store suddenly increased. He realized that he was not welcome, so he left angrily. When releasing this video, he wrote an article saying "I am the one who bothered".
After searching around for half an hour, he lay down on a bench. He didn't sleep soundly that night. The coolness of March woke him up again at more than 6:00 in the morning. He went to a convenience store and barely slept until about 10:00.
To really survive, open source is more important than throttling. From the second day after arriving in Shanghai, Pan Wenhao began to seek a daily settlement job.
He first called the recruitment number he saw on the roadside, but failed. He turned to the same city of 58 and met two opportunities. One is working as a waiter in KTV. Pan Wenhao arrived at the store according to the working hours communicated in advance, but found that he still needed an interview in advance when he arrived. When he came back the next day, he learned that the interviewees were required to pay a deposit of 800 yuan. Another opportunity is to check tickets in the cinema. The communication is smooth until the other party comes up with a labor contract with a minimum duration of 10 days. 10 days, too long.
In two days, Pan Wenhao ran around Shanghai, feeling like a "headless fly". He has no idea of the geographical region of Shanghai, and the interview sites often cross regions. Commuting can only rely on the subway and shared bicycles. Unlike the shared electric vehicles on the roadside in Guiyang, Pan Wenhao may have to pedal more than ten kilometers a day in Shanghai, only feeling "leg pain".
It was not until the afternoon of the third day that he finally found a job in a clothing store through leisure fish. His daily salary was 180 yuan/day. He went to the store to study that day, and his salary was calculated from the next day. The store manager is a capable woman, who takes care of Pan Wenhao. On March 31, his dinner was a cake given by the store manager, after which he occasionally received a bottle of milk or a few biscuits. He is quite adept at receiving and inspecting goods, putting them on shelves and off shelves, and welcoming and delivering them.
Pan Wenhao removed the shoes from the second-hand platform and returned 28 yuan of deposit
On the same night, Pan Wenhao had little money left. If he hadn't taken down the shoes on the second-hand platform in advance and returned the 28 yuan deposit, the balance would have been completely zero before he got his first day's salary.
After finding a job, according to the store manager's recommendation, Pan Wenhao mostly chose to feed and clothe in the "fellow chicken" of the fast food chain. Since arriving in Shanghai, he has been able to make 100% CDs in almost every meal, and a bowl of scrambled eggs with tomatoes will not even leave soup.
On the evening of April 1, Pan Wenhao got his first daily salary of 180 yuan after work. This is his fourth day in Shanghai, and he has recovered from the brink of penniless. From March to April, everything seems to have improved.
coming-of-age ceremony
The bright turning point on April 1 was Pan Wenhao's 18th birthday. Maybe it was fate that made it the best day in Shanghai during the eight days.
The night before last, netizens suggested that he might consider going to an Internet cafe for the night. If he had not just stepped into the legal sense of "adulthood", Pan Wenhao could not even get in that night, let alone found that there was a birthday special in the store, which finally cost only 6.6 yuan. He bought a bowl of instant noodles worth 8 yuan to celebrate his birthday. Whenever he thinks of that bowl of noodles, he feels extremely delicious.
On his birthday, Pan Wenhao was able to spend the night in an Internet cafe
On his first day of adulthood, Pan Wenhao officially started his first job and got his first salary, almost saving this crazy trip to Shanghai. That night he took the money and found a 109 yuan bath for the night. He took his first and only bath in Shanghai. Even if someone snored in the hall, he still had the most reliable sleep. The environment was clean, and he was not awakened by the cold.
On this birthday, Pan Wenhao was alone, but the situation was the same as that in Guizhou in the past few years. This rite of passage was not accompanied by his parents, but it was also consistent with what he felt during his more than ten years of growth. Looking back on his growth path, Pan Wenhao felt that he came almost alone, and his parents were absent for countless days and nights, while he held his breath and fought with life.
As for the memory of birthday, the only warm moment was when Pan Wenhao was in the junior grade of primary school. That year, he had dinner with his parents, went shopping to buy new clothes, and held one person in each hand. The next memory is that when I was in junior high school, I spent a day on the basketball court alone, and then ate KFC. Then came the birthday of the first year of senior high school. Just after midnight, a phone call came. Pan Wenhao, who was expecting good wishes, heard the phone complaining that they had quarreled again. At that time, his parents had already divorced, and Pan Wenhao was so angry that he cried. Until now, he did not know whether his parents remembered that it was his birthday.
Since kindergarten, Pan Wenhao has always had the impression that his parents are always quarrelling, slapping the table, or even doing something. When he was young, he stood next to the sofa, a little shorter than the sofa, and cried loudly, "Don't make any noise". No one looked at him again and again. This picture is rooted in the memory and can't be forgotten.
My mother ran a mahjong parlor, and my father worked on the construction site. After primary school, solitude became the norm for Pan Wenhao. On the second day of the junior high, his parents officially divorced. Pan Wenhao followed his father, and his mother provided the living expenses. He got 200 yuan each time, and then asked for it every other time when it was almost spent. When Pan Wenhao went to high school, his father changed his job as a housekeeper, and he basically lived alone.
Pan Wenhao has been used to being alone. Buy bread from a convenience store for breakfast, stir fry cabbage in the evening, and order "Lao Gan Ma" for dinner, or wash vegetables and simply boil them in water. If you want to cook meat dishes, you can only cook chicken breast in water. Pan Wenhao's judgment on his cooking skills is that he can eat. But even in the past, when parents were not separated, the family didn't really overdo it.
Past family awards
From about the senior year of primary school, Pan Wenhao gradually realized that his parents' quarrels were like a "drag", which only brought him negative effects. He constantly demands that he be independent of his parents and behave more mature and like an adult. From primary school to junior high school, his grades have always been at the top of the grade. He does not need to attend remedial classes. His family is also covered with certificates of merit. All the choices, including the middle school entrance examination volunteers, are completely up to him.
He believes that he has nothing to rely on his parents except financial ability. Or in other words, he could hardly recall what his parents had done for him except for giving money. Therefore, he can leave Guiyang and go to Shanghai without saying goodbye, and show no concern for his death. He even fantasized about staying in Shanghai.
After deciding to go to Shanghai, Pan Wenhao asked his mother to take a long vacation from school to review at home, citing frequent headaches. The mother didn't know his son's plan until he posted a video online. On March 30, Pan Wenhao, who was in Shanghai, received a phone call from his mother: "Stinky boy, I'm scared to death!" The persuasion was fruitless, and his mother failed to "catch him back" as she said on the phone.
His father had no contact with Pan Wenhao within eight days. Pan Wenhao didn't tell him about it until he returned to Guiyang. His father didn't say anything. He didn't express some praise until he received hundreds of thousands of praise after reviewing the whole video. Among the overwhelming comments on the Internet, the most favorable one is "a meaningful bar mitzvah".
Pan Wenhao no longer needs an "18th birthday" to flaunt his "adulthood", but he still recognizes that this experience is a valuable adult gift. Admittedly, the adult world has not been smooth. On the evening of April 3, the store manager told Pan Wenhao that his sister wanted to help in the store and didn't have to go to work the next day.
"Three piece set"
On April 4, Pan Wenhao temporarily lost his job.
Lujiazui photographed by Pan Wenhao
He chose Shanghai from the beginning, the most direct reason is the "three piece set" of Lujiazui in the short video. But it was not until the day when he lost his job - the seventh day in Shanghai - that he really came to Lujiazui and saw the three tall buildings.
It is not so much that he is looking up at three buildings, but rather that the "three piece set" is looking down at him. Pan Wenhao always boasts that he is a little young and frivolous, but when he really stands there and looks at a family of three playing nearby, he has a clear sense of distance, that is another circle, another kind of life.
In the clothing store warehouse, Pan Wenhao imitated the "three piece set" and punched in
On the first day of work, Pan Wenhao saw an alternative "three piece set". In the warehouse of the store that day, he took a self portrait of himself at the elevation angle, which is the same as the perspective of Lujiazui online red card punching. In the photo, his face is dark, and three shelves behind him are towering, which looks exactly like the "three piece set".
The three so-called "sea calming needles" seem to be available anywhere, in busy cities, or in the daily life of ordinary migrant workers. And its sense of oppression points to more than wealth to poverty. For Pan Wenhao, the "three pieces" hidden behind him may be family, school and depression.
Acceptance is the attitude that Pan Wenhao has basically formed. He said, "I have my life". The difficulties brought by family make life more meaningful to some extent. To accept is not to accept, but to stop complaining. But after all, the lack of family life has caused too many differences.
There will always be some scattered moments, and Pan Wenhao's feelings buried in his heart will show up and stab him quietly. When a junior high school student is picked up by his parents and a family of three is enjoying themselves at the school gate, his heart will not be happy. Even before the college entrance examination, Pan Wenhao was still upset when he watched the examinees being treated as "giant pandas" at home and swallowed his "coping" meals alone.
One day not long before the exam, his dinner was "Lao Gan Ma" cooking instant noodles, and he felt a little emotional breakdown while eating. "It's really disgusting!" Sometimes Pan Wenhao would think that his height is less than 1.6 meters now, perhaps because he didn't eat well from childhood.
Pan Wenhao's High School Entrance Examination Transcript
Born in such a family, Pan Wenhao would also be dissatisfied. "How happy your family is? I can be better than you alone." From primary school to junior high school, he was eager to learn. From sports meet to math contest, excellent students, many family awards were posted. The result is not top, but it has always been good. He scored 610 points in the high school entrance examination, and entered Guiyang No. 6 Middle School, which ranked high.
Pan Wenhao's Final Grade of Senior One
But when I entered high school, my grades suddenly began to fall precipitously. Pan Wenhao no longer spends a lot of time on his studies. He often asks for leave and is distracted in class. He plays basketball whenever he has time. On the final transcript of senior one, Pan Wenhao scored 255.5 out of 600 points. In the second year of senior high school, he tore up all the awards posted at home.
Pan Wenhao could not find out the specific reason for such indulgence. Maybe it was just that he could not hold his breath. He felt that he still blamed himself. He also tried to study hard consciously, but the hole has been dug too big, even if he was concentrated, he could not understand what the teacher was saying.
In May 2023, Pan Wenhao was diagnosed with depression and anxiety
The family situation is unstable and there is a huge gap in academic performance. In May 2023, Pan Wenhao, 17, was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the hospital. Sometimes when he is talking with others, he can understand every word, but suddenly he cannot understand what the other person is saying. Stunned, no appetite, unable to sleep, depression began to eat his life. However, he did not receive medical treatment. He felt that the drug had side effects, and he could recover without taking it. However, his later situation did not improve at all.
Since then, family, study and depression have become a whirlpool, and Pan Wenhao is trapped in it alone.
Before going to Shanghai, Pan Wenhao had been dragged to the brink of collapse by depression. To wander in a distant big city is for him to do what he wants to do. He is reluctant to describe it as "escape", more like "self rescue".
courage
Pan Wenhao always believed that as long as he wanted to do something, as long as he did not give up, he would be able to do it. He will habitually add difficulty to himself, just like he chose physics, chemistry and biology without thinking when selecting subjects in high school, because he felt that it was more difficult, even though his grades had begun to decline.
The same is true for a solo trip to Shanghai. The same was true on the day of temporary unemployment in Shanghai on April 4.
Pan Wenhao is not sure whether he can return to the clothing store again. Although he still has some money on hand, he decided to try to sell the jerseys he prepared before starting out, just in case.
It was a No. 24 shirt of Kobe Bryant. When he was in junior high school, he bought it for about 50 yuan. To bring it to Shanghai is to save a way for himself. If possible, he hopes to sell it for 100 yuan. At about 11:00 p.m. on the 4th, he came to the Bund, where people were still crowded.
In addition to making money, this is also a challenge he set for himself. He has done the mbti test, and the proportion dimension of introversion (i) was once 100%. It has been a great breakthrough to chat up passers-by, but he deliberately raised the difficulty, targeting foreign friends rarely seen in Guiyang, and launched sales in English. Before he started, he did more than half an hour of psychological construction for himself. On that day, he also hung a gold medal in the school mini marathon, thinking that others might be more willing to pay attention to him.
The Bund photographed by Pan Wenhao
So, late in the early spring, under the Bund lights, a thin figure with a gold medal, a shirt and a bag running in the crowd, looking for foreigners' faces. His sales pitch is very simple, and he has been rejected very simply again and again. Even so, he will continue to ask whether he can take a photo with the other party, and his videos also leave many faces of foreign youth.
He failed in the end and missed the last subway to return to the Internet cafe. When he left the Bund that day, he started to laugh on the bike sharing. At that moment, he just felt happy and admired himself after another exciting game. I stayed at a convenience store that night and woke up several times.
Pan Wenhao is unyielding. He constantly draws strength from various languages and stories. His WeChat personal signature is four words - Sheng Tian Ban Zi.
He likes Kobe Bryant and the 60 point retirement game. Although he is less than 1.6 meters tall, he said that as long as he stands on the court, no matter how tall his opponent is, he will defend with all his strength. He likes Sun Xiang Yang, the short assistant attacker in the cartoon Volleyball Boy. He also served as the main attack in the volleyball team, although the result of that game was not satisfactory. He was also deeply impressed by the story of Oliveira, a world champion of free combat who came out of the slums of Brazil.
In the eyes of many people, Pan Wenhao should also be labeled as inspirational. He has the fortitude that countless adults do not have. He has done what others dare not to do. He is "fighting material with spirit", providing hope and courage for many people who are also in desperate situations.
"I failed to start my business, and I owe a lot. Shanghai, the place I have dreamed of for countless times, you have more courage than me..."
"You are really brave. I will also face the college entrance examination this year, and I am also very confused... It is very powerful to live in Shanghai for eight days with a hundred yuan. Maybe there will be a way when the car gets to the front of the mountain, and I should try my best."
"After watching your video, it seems that things that were far away have become simple. Come on."
Pan Wenhao was also surprised. He never thought that these videos could help others. The video review area has a variety of features, including entrepreneurs, Shanghai drifters, single mothers, and the same class of examinees, some of whom are past and some of whom are successors. Stories about life, destiny, and choice are gathered together to form a small world in the video platform and build an echo wall for mutual encouragement.
future
"If I live, I will succeed sooner or later," said Pan Wenhao.
On this year's birthday, a friend gave Pan Wenhao a model of Maybach and Range Rover
However, Pan Wenhao's understanding of "success" is still hidden in an ambiguous space. On the one hand, he didn't have enough specific goals. On the other hand, he believed that as long as he kept on not giving up, it was also a success. The only quantifiable thing is that he has the first car he wants. It used to be Maybach, and later it was Range Rover. The models of these two cars became gifts for his birthday friends this year, and he changed his expectations to Audi A6.
The meaning of the college entrance examination also fluctuated in his cognition. Before high school, Pan Wenhao believed that reading could change his destiny. With the change of mood and mentality, after high school, the college entrance examination is no longer tied to success and fate in his cognition. He never thought about what kind of school he would go to. When he was seriously depressed, the college entrance examination seemed meaningless.
Pan Wenhao keeps the round-trip tickets and air tickets for his trip to Shanghai
April 5, the eighth day in Shanghai. On this day, Pan Wenhao returned to work in the clothing store, but he had not slept well. He had caught a cold for three days and felt headache and dizziness. My friend in Suzhou said he planned to go back to Guiyang from Shanghai, so he could buy a ticket for him. After struggling for a long time, Pan Wenhao said "Goodbye" to the store manager and decided to end his trip to Shanghai.
On the 6th, on the plane, Pan Wenhao didn't give up anything and didn't have too much emotion, just like when he came here, as if it was a normal thing to come back and forth between two cities. He had more than 200 yuan at that time, a little more than when he came.
On the day he left, he said in a video: "There are more than 60 days before the college entrance examination. I plan to fight again to see if there are any miracles. I hope I can enter the university in Shanghai and continue my story with this city."
But for him, the college entrance examination itself still has no distinct value. Maybe it's because I always think I can do it; Perhaps it is because of the excellent performance in the past, there is no reason not to fight again; Or maybe it is for his own sake to release in the video. Two months after returning to Guiyang, Pan Wenhao slept at about 12 o'clock every day and got up more than 6 o'clock. He spent most of the day preparing for the exam. However, there was so much left before that that the preparation process later became a little desperate.
Pan Wenhao can feel that the promotion is limited, and in the process of preparing for the exam, the pressure of the family still falls on his shoulders. About a week before the exam, Grandpa was so ill that he lost his ability to move. He lived with Pan Wenhao. Neither of his parents showed up. In addition to studying, Pan Wenhao had to feed his grandfather, carry him to the toilet, push him out in the sun, and carry him to bed.
In addition to the college entrance examination, Pan Wenhao felt that joining the army was a good way out. After some understanding, the height requirement stopped him outside.
On the evening of June 24, the score of Guizhou's college entrance examination was announced. Pan Wenhao scored 350 points, about 80 points higher than the last recorded mock exam in senior high school, but he was not satisfied. He still felt that he could learn better if he wanted to.
Pan Wenhao's College Entrance Examination Results
The next day, the score line of the college entrance examination in Guizhou was announced. The undergraduate grade of physics was 380, and Pan Wenhao was even more "unwilling". In the face of a gap that is not far away, he plans to resume his studies for another year and believes that he will not give up.
As for Shanghai, this trip has changed his vision and longing for a big city. I thought about making a living in Shanghai, but later I found that where there is no money, it is the same. He put the tickets and tickets in the gift box and told himself that he would go to Shanghai again.
When he earns some money, he hopes to return to Shanghai in a more comfortable state, go to the restaurant on the Bund to have a good meal, and go to the shop where he works to buy a pair of shoes and clothes.
