Today, let's talk about something "explicit".
Recently, I watched an interview documentary called Body Talk. One of the women described the awakening of sexual consciousness in adolescence, which made me quite aware.
She said that in adolescence, the school organized a special physiological health class. At that time, teachers would play some obscure fragments of retro movies about sexual behavior in the classroom in the form of teaching.
The most impressive thing is that in some movie clips, special close-up shots, such as "girls' hands are tight", will be given. But nothing else.
When the movie was over and the physiological health class was over, she still didn't understand what "sex" was all about.
Looking at her who could not laugh or cry when telling these stories, I seemed to see myself as a teenager.
At that time, when watching TV with their parents, they changed channels in a hurry as soon as certain episodes were broadcast.
Over time, I felt that it was shameful to talk about sex with teachers and parents, or even just about my body.
All the exploration of "sex" in adolescence comes from the fragmentary fragments in some novels, movies and TV plays.
Obviously, such a fragmented "journey of sexual exploration" cannot find true answers.
On the contrary, it is easy to cause many misunderstandings.
For example, a female friend beside me didn't know until she fell in love at the age of 25:
The "first bleeding" is more often due to the tearing caused by rude behavior, or because the body of a teenage woman is not yet mature. Not everyone will bleed for the first time.
It is because I know many similar stories that I want to write this article.
Avoid talking about "sex", but none of us can really avoid "sex".
The most terrible thing is to fall into a misunderstanding without knowing yourself.
However, these misconceptions may be that after several years of adulthood, we do not realize what the problem is.
one
"He made me feel like I was just a tool."
@Deti VI
I have never felt so ashamed.
After graduation, my boyfriend lived alone for the first time. On the weekend, he sent me an invitation to his home for a date.
We are all adults. How can we not know the meaning.
I was both excited and nervous. I went to the shopping mall to choose a sexy underwear, and even quietly depilated my private part.
I just thought that I would try my best to go to this romantic date in my imagination in the most perfect state.
However, after my careful treatment, I saw him in a slovenly manner.
Later, I casually tightened the curtains and threw them directly at me, while my carefully selected underwear was thrown to the ground by my boyfriend without even looking at it.
I found it totally different from what I imagined. In panic, I repented.
In the end, I picked up my underpants on the ground and ran away.
In fact, before that, my boyfriend and I knew exactly what would happen, but how did we expect it to happen?
I think there must be differences in our understanding of this matter.
In fact, when girls, a sensitive group, choose to open a relationship with their lover, they will only disclose their "secret" to those who know how to provoke her.
Although everyone's needs are different, the barbaric and unprepared way is absolutely unable to meet women's beautiful imagination.
Beauvoir said in "The Second Sex" that the pleasure of men is linear, beginning and ending, from that second. Women's pleasure is diffuse and endless, and it comes from heart fatigue or psychological satisfaction.
Doi is not just to please anyone. Foreplay is also very important.
two
"You are not a good girl when you look so dark below."
@Porridge
I have been with my college boyfriend for one year, and when the time is ripe, some things will come to pass.
But after the incident, my boyfriend said that he felt a little discordant: he said that my skin was particularly white, why is it so dark below? Right?
That was the first time I was evaluated by a man.
I am anxious to prove my innocence.
I checked a lot of related topics on the Internet and found that most of the comments below are: girls who are not "pink and tender" are confused in their private lives.
Although very angry, I can't pretend that I can't hear these voices and see the suspicion in my boyfriend's eyes.
After the breakup, I went to have a private part bleaching operation to make it lighter.
I know I'm stupid.
But I can't forget the embarrassment of being evaluated.
In fact, like her, I used to feel anxious because my thighs were black and both sides of my hips were gray.
Because adolescent girls like to wear skirts, they find their private parts itchy after taking public transportation.
Later, I learned that the black legs were caused by wearing pants; The dark color of the private part is the precipitation of melanin, and the statement related to sexual life is just nonsense; The itching of the private part is also due to the special structure of the girl's body, which is easy to be infected with bacteria
These insults to women's bodies with the label of "unclean" are very shameful.
I have to draw a line with them.
three
"Every time I feel that she hates me. She just doesn't say."
@Elikk
It seems that since I was in high school, there has been a trend of "size comparison" among boys (yes, that's what you think).
At that time, the boy circle had begun to share "seeds" with each other. Out of curiosity of the growing boys, they often compared their sizes with those of the male actors in the film.
At that time, size was equal to the dignity of "men".
My dignity seems inferior.
Before I became an adult, what I always expected was "I just developed late, and I will have everything in the future". But as an adult, I found that these ideas were too ridiculous, and there was not much change at all.
Later, when I fell in love, I still cared.
Every time I talk to my girlfriend about doi, I am always trembling, especially concerned about whether she has "feelings", for fear that she will show a little dissatisfied expression.
Before hearing his story, I always thought that boys were relatively less "inferiority complex", but now it makes me feel that we actually have many similar feelings.
In high school, when the secondary sexual characteristics of girls begin to develop, the female circle will feel inferior because of "too fast growth" and "too early breast development".
In the educational environment we have received, we can only learn from our parents' vague words that this is the only way to grow up, but no one really teaches us what is normal and how to accept our changed self.
And it is precisely because the health teacher in the junior high school always drove the boys out of the classroom in their laughter that we ignored some ignorant boys and mistakenly thought that boys did not need sexual knowledge.
In the final analysis, boys also need complete sex education.
four
"Can sex be imitated by learning from small movies?"
@Tong Tong
I never said that I didn't expect sex with my boyfriend at all.
Before the first night, my boyfriend and I thought we had done enough "homework". But the process is not beautiful.
I don't know whether it is because of those small movies. As long as it is at that time, the boyfriend will be like a "changed person", often unconsciously using an imperative tone, and the rude action is not trivial.
Not only did I feel completely uncomfortable, I even felt uncomfortable and painful.
It is no exaggeration to say that each time it seems to be enduring a punishment.
Over time, I became a little "frigid", my boyfriend was also interested and the atmosphere became very awkward.
I thought about talking to him, but I really don't know how to speak. Men are always very sensitive to this aspect. What if I hurt him.
I found that most of the boys' sexual enlightenment came from small movies.
However, many so-called "sexual knowledge" inevitably deviates from reality.
Blindly "imitating" does not necessarily lead to a good experience, but it is easy to be self defeating.
Sometimes, there is only a thin line between interest and sexual violence.
Too intense sexual behavior may harm girls' bodies, or even lead to the rupture of girls' corpus luteum.
In sexual life, boys can be gentle.
But I want to say to girls: sex is to please each other, not to cater unilaterally.
In a sexual relationship, many needs should be spoken out loud. Sincere communication and exchange is the best catalyst.
last.
In Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise, 13 year old Fang Siqi asked her mother, "It seems that there is everything in our family education, but there is no sex education."
The mother just said, "What kind of sex education? It's for people who need sex."
Almost all people regard "sex" as a very secret thing that cannot be seen on the surface. They are vague, but they hope that children will learn from no teacher at a specific time.
Look at the young men and girls who are going through puberty around us. They can easily stop their understanding of "sex" on small pornographic websites or small pornographic books.
In such an environment, countless men and women have pieced together what they think is the "adult world" in their own ignorant ways.
In this way, rumors and "pseudo knowledge" quietly enter our lives.
It is in this situation that the above stories come into being, not just stories, but tens of thousands of epitomes of you and me.
What we need is not the ignorant piecing together of the sexual knowledge we "think" of, but the need to face it formally and completely.
Sex is private, but sex is not shameful. ■
