1. The young man farted loudly, and the woman beside him said boo, boo, boo three times in a row! The young man asked calmly: comrade, why are you farting and spitting?

2. A beauty found that her lipstick was too heavy. She wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, "Girl, your sanitary napkin has fallen out!"!

3. In the 1950s, fellow townsmen met fellow townsmen and united to make steel; In the 1960s, fellow townsmen took different positions when meeting fellow townsmen; In the 1970s, when fellow townsmen saw fellow townsmen, they were all directors.

4. Robber: Tell me the password of the safe! I don't want to kill you! Female employee: I won't tell you if I kill you! I won't tell you if you spoil it! The robber looked her up and down and said, "You want to be beautiful!"!

5. The father and son watched TV and interrupted a public service advertisement for combating counterfeiting. Suddenly the son picked up the phone and said, "Is this the anti fake office?"? I'd like to report it! My father has a false tooth in his mouth!

6. Someone shouted in the office: the director counts the ball! The director just came in: I'll count the ball, what are you? This person is quick to respond: we count the ball hair and closely unite around you.

7. Ha ha is a happy smile, a knowing smile, a snicker, a sneer, a spooky smile, and a howler. SMS is only for you to smile, wish you happy!

8. A truly awesome company needs only one product to change the world, like Apple and Adobe. The former saved countless patients waiting for organ transplantation, while the latter saved countless women.

9. There are two expectant dads waiting for their wives to give birth outside the gynecology and obstetrics department. One of them sighed, "What bad luck! I just happened to be on vacation!"! Another said: I am more unlucky than you. I am still on my honeymoon!

10. Catch a thief, and find a large number of fashion magazines in his home, very puzzled: Do you want to do the clothing business? The thief was embarrassed and said, "It depends on the new clothes. Where are the pockets?".

11. Although you are a bully tooth! Don't feel sorry for yourself. Teeth are very good! Teeth can dig sweet potatoes, cover your chin when it rains, separate tea dregs when you drink tea, and serve as a knife and fork when you have a picnic. Do you think Teeth is awesome!

12. Walking on the playground last night, I met a frog who pretended to be cool, vomited, vomited, and hit a tree with his head! The following boys were right: Last night, the court was so cool that they saw a dinosaur hit a tree, and pitied that little tree!

13. Dad: Tell me about the yellow things in life? Son: oranges, mangoes, apricots, bananas, persimmons, pears. Dad: What else? Son: Yes, and your teeth.

14. Fat lady: I hate electronic scales that automatically report weight! Others asked: Why? Does it say your weight out loud? The fat lady said angrily: No! It shouts at a time, only one person at a time!

15. Adai often quarrels with his wife. Wife indignant: I'm your wife because others don't like you. Dumb retorted: You finally succeeded! Now everyone sympathizes with me.

16. Xiao Li's peeling onions was so hot that he cried. He called his wife and asked her what he could do. In the evening, Xiao Li said to his wife, "Your method is very effective. The only disadvantage is that you should always breathe.".

17. Rat: I'm in love with bats now, and children will live in the sky in the future, not afraid of your cats. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl and said, "See? He is the love between me and the eagle.".

18. The waiter of the cinema found a man lying on a row of seats horizontally, and he didn't stir up in any way, so he was very angry: which way did you go? The man was weak: he fell down the aisle on the second floor.

19. A rich man invited all the villagers to eat steamed stuffed buns. There was only one steamed stuffed bun but it was very big. How big is it? Everyone started eating from one part of the steamed stuffed bun. Half a month later, they ate a stone tablet engraved with a line: This place is 20 miles away from the stuffing.

20. The change from trousers to tops is for promotion, the change from men's trousers to women's trousers is for communication, the change from shirt to underpants is for demotion, the change from windbreaker to apron is for temporary exercise, and the change from vest to bra. Although it is flat, its position is very important.

21. A short fat man married an incomparable wife. When others laughed at him about whether he would climb the ladder, he proudly said: "One is higher than the other, and beauty is in the eyes of the lover;"; As long as you practice Kung Fu well, it doesn't matter whether you are at the same level!

22. In a history class, I was awakened by my teacher when I slept in class. The teacher asked me: Who did Princess Wencheng marry? My deskmate whispered to me: Songtsen Gambo. Unfortunately, I didn't hear it clearly, so I opened my mouth and said: Song Dynasty cadres.

23. I look up at you at a 45 degree angle, looking at your tall and straight figure, standing majestically and motionless, and looking like Mount Tai collapsing in front of you without disorder. What I want to say is, how can you be so calm? Telegraph Pole!

24. When I become rich and sleep late, I can say to myself, "I can't afford to be rich." But now I am. Am I rich? Get up!

25. When the emperor saw that the imperial concubine was worried, he called the imperial doctor. Medical prescription: eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor went out of the touring palace. It was a great joy to see the princess shining. Suddenly, he saw eight thin men standing in front of the hall and asked, "Who are you?"? The doctor replied: dregs!

26. The Seven Fairies bathed in the lake, but Bajie Gan was too worried to see it. Tang Monk seriously shouted to the lake: benefactor, beware of crocodiles! The Seven Fairies rushed ashore naked. Bajie sighs: The IQ of leaders cannot be surpassed.

27. Don't worry when you are near the railway and have no paper with you. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry when you are on the riverside with a large size but no paper. The frog will tell you: stick scratch, stick scratch, stick scratch!

28. Keep your blessings in mind for fear of being blown away by the wind; Write your blessings on paper for fear of being diluted by rain; Carve the blessing on the ground for fear of being hurt by pedestrians; Think about it, I'd better send it to your mobile phone. May happiness always accompany you!

29. You stand on the street with a happy face, happy and crazy, as if intoxicated. When someone asked you what was wrong, you burst into tears with excitement and murmured to yourself, "I'm going to be lucky. I finally stepped on the shit.".

30. There are three words I want to say to you all the time. Especially in this silent night, I can't tell you my hot mood until it breaks out in my heart and I have to say to you... Go to bed early.

31. Regardless of the ups and downs, you always wait hard at the door, smile gently when you see me, always bless me, praise me, and never mind my rudeness. Finally, I was moved by you and put some money in your broken bowl.

32. I sent a message to you. I didn't mean to disturb you, didn't want to annoy you, and didn't want to torture you. I just couldn't wait to tell you and take your parents to ask you when to return to the neurological hospital?

33. Pigs and dogs are prison guards in the animal kingdom. One day, they caught an uninvited guest called SMS and imprisoned him. The next day, they broke out of prison by SMS. The prison director investigated the dog for responsibility. The dog said wrongly, "Yesterday I had a rest, but it was pigs who watched the SMS!"!

34. Life is easy, life is easy, and life is really not easy. Whether poor or rich, happiness is a good life. Crying is not life, laughing is not life, and bitter laughter is not life. Cry or laugh, wonderful is a good life.

35. In order to highlight the importance of his research, my first sentence on the stage: finite element method is outdated. A row of professors who study the finite element method. So this guy was tortured for a day!

36. One day I went to dinner with my friends, and then asked for a cucumber (the whole one). Did your friend say that the one you just ate had thorns? I said no, but he said that the ones without thorns are usually used. Shit, I sprayed it.

37. Don't tell anyone that I contact you, or you and I will be in danger. Do you have a spare room for me to hide for two days? I have three tons of gold, nine nuclear bombs, eighteen beautiful women, and five thousand soldiers. I am, and I am still alive.

38. Last Valentine's Day, four singles ate hot pot together. I vowed that I would leave them next year, but I did. This Valentine's Day only left me a single

39. Learning Chinese is to send messages; Learning mathematics is to count money; Learning English is to pretend to be foreign; Studying physics is to make atomic bomb; Learning art is to draw like you without looking at the second elder martial brother's photos!

40. I am a green onion. Standing in the wind and rain, whoever wants to dip me in soy sauce will fuck his ancestors! Passing south and north, I have drunk water behind the toilet, pressed my legs on the railway track, and kissed fools. Fuck! Don't refuse anything, just miss you!

41. After investigation, Chang'e is a romantic rich woman: 1. There are villas: Guanghan Palace; 2 Overnight life: hard to see in the daytime; 3 Pets: Jade Rabbit; 4 Extreme spendthrift: space travel; 5 Gossip: Having an affair with Hou Yi, Wu Gang, Bajie, etc!

42. Ah Ju stood in front of the paper shredder at a loss. Ask the secretary: How can I use this? Secretary: Easy. Then he took the thick stack of reports from his hands and put them into the shredder. Aju: Thank you. Then where do the copies come from?

43. One day my mobile phone stopped working, so I wanted to use Alipay to recharge. All the information was filled in, but I needed to enter a verification code. But I haven't found the verification code for a long time. After a careful look, the verification code was sent to my mobile phone.

44. When a woman came home, she found her husband and the nurse sleeping together. In order to settle the matter, the husband agreed to buy leather pants for his wife. In order to reform, the husband has to drive the nanny away. The wife said, wait a minute, I still want a fur coat!

45. The tortoise won the all-around champion in the animal sports meeting. People asked him his secret. The tortoise said: Nothing. I practice boxing with fish, swim with birds, race with crabs, sit and meditate with frogs, and fast with pigs. I didn't want to win easily.

46. Labor Day reminds you that labor is valuable and leisure is more expensive. Carry forward the spirit of leisure and adhere to the principle of combining work with rest. Happiness comes from health and peace, and happiness comes from love. Realize the dream of SMS and achieve the goal of happiness. happy International Workers ' Day!

47. If memory will also lose its memory, then what can I take to recall you? Your meaning in my life should not be condemned by ordinary people. Only by bravely facing your feelings can we get real sweetness. I must eat you today.

48. I really despair: Huaguo Mountain has been developed into a tourist area by the country. Shifu also married Baigujing a few days ago. Yesterday, I had no money to eat, so I sold the golden hoop stick. I really miss the days when we learned scriptures together! How are you, Second Younger Martial Brother?

49. There are two dogs biting each other on the street. They are crazy to bite, bite, bite. Suddenly, one of them stopped. Why didn't it bite? It turned out that it had been biting, biting, overexerting and biting its tongue.

50. After receiving my message, you will be saved from the abyss of hen pecking. If your wife wants you to wear colorful clothes, you can just wear a shirt. If you want to kneel on the washboard, you can also stop kneeling. My place is up to me.

51. I want to change all my deposits into steel ones, which are more than 300 pieces. If you have nothing to do with it, you can also shake and listen to it. If you dare to provoke me, I will hit you with a steel jump, which will make your head covered with bags and let you know how powerful the rich are!

52. This year, Niuniu looks like a peony flower from a distance, and looks like a dog tail flower from a close look. People often say that if you marry a chicken and a dog, only you are handsome, can earn money and decent. If you look like a dog, I will be your flower!

53. Once I had a taxi with a guy, the driver said that it was 17 yuan when I got off the bus. The guy was busy looking for money. I quickly took out a 20 yuan ticket and handed it to the driver, and said to the guy, "Don't change it!"! Who would have thought that my brother didn't answer, but the driver said: Thank you!

54. When the family discussed whether to have a second child, the child firmly said: I want a brother! My mother said that I had to ask my father if he wanted it. The child said with disdain, "Mom, you can have one. Don't worry about your father. It's none of his business!"!

55. Professor teaches economics: what is the primary industry? Raising sheep and cattle. What is the secondary industry? Kill sheep and cattle. What is the tertiary industry? Eat beef and drink mutton soup. What about the cultural industry? Make sheep's faces, and blow cattle's hide. Hearing this, everyone was shocked.

56. Fashion magazines are a group of editors who earn 8000 yuan a month. They tell a group of readers who earn 3000 yuan a month how to spend their money. Advertising is a group of advertisers who work overtime every day, telling people who can't afford a house to enjoy life like the richest man.

57. One day, my boyfriend asked his girlfriend: What would you do if I cheated? Girlfriend replied: I will keep one eye open and one eye closed... Just when the boyfriend wanted to lament his girlfriend's generosity, the girlfriend said, "Then aim and shoot you.".

58. It has infinite magic power, which can make the evil turn to good, the good turn to evil, the weak become stronger, and the strong become weaker. Guess what it is? Most people answer: Devil. Correct answer: love—— Everyone forgot the essence of love.

59. Someone was often stolen and wanted to tease the thief, so he loaded a counterfeit currency into the car. After getting off the car, he found that the counterfeit currency was still there, and there was an additional note on it, which said: "Please respect our labor and stop using counterfeit currency!"

60. One day, on the bus, there was a mother and her son. The mother told her son the story of the Lion King becoming king in the forest. But at the end of the story, the son said, "Mom, why does the dung beetle not stay in the dung well, but go to the forest to become king?"?

61. There are three brothers in a family. The first one is called a hooligan, the second one is called a kitchen knife, and the third one is called trouble. One day, the third one lost his wife. The eldest took the second to the police station, and when he arrived at the police station, the eldest said, "I am a hooligan, and today I brought a kitchen knife to find trouble."

62. Others laugh at me too much. I laugh at others for being unable to see through. At 2:00 in the morning, I will keep smiling and see the beauty; At noon, I will meet at 2:00: work and rest, relax and relax; At night, I will relax and never stay up late. The life will be better.

63. Son: "What is a perfect match?" Dad: "Just like, I can't stand the usual chatter, so I slap her in the face, and her mouth will close immediately!"

64. I haven't heard from you for a long time. I've missed you for two days. I'm in a mess. I've searched all the ponds you love, the huts where you eat, and the lawns where you sleep, but I still haven't seen you. My heart is almost broken... Why have I lost such a big pig!

65. Female A: "It's so windy." Female B: "Yes! It's so dangerous! What if the skirt gets blown up?" Female A: "Then I'll go home and change into a beautiful pair of underpants!

66. In the taxi, the driver was listening to the radio when a voice came from the radio: "Hello, everyone! I'm Fan Fan, Fan Weiqi!" The driver said, "What a world! Now you can even stutter on the radio!"

67. IQ test question: After receiving this message, please press it with your gentle hand and look at it with your passionate eyes. You will find that the message contains enthusiasm, friendship and warmth, greetings, blessings and wishes. If nothing is found, I'm sorry! Prove that you are a fool!

68. You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am worried because you are thin, I am thin because you are sick, I smile because you are strong, I am rich because I sold you...... Pig!

69. A man took off his clothes to show his girlfriend his biceps, saying that it was equivalent to 50 kilograms of explosives. He took off his pants and pointed to his thigh, saying, "This is equivalent to 100 kilograms of explosives. Then he took off his underpants, and his girlfriend ran through the door and screamed," God! The lead wire is so short. "

70. A city man went to the countryside to play. He was having fun when he heard a farmer shout, "Comrade, you have stepped on the wheat.". The city man glanced at the farmer and said, "No culture, this is called tramping." The farmer kicked him into the river and said, "His grandmother's, this is also called tramping on the waves!"!

71. A female colleague, very fat, always dances in the square with the aunts every night. Yesterday, he took me to enjoy it. After that, he asked me how I danced. I said, "I think you look like a little swan when you dance."

72. On the way to the bus one day, a novice was driving slowly ahead, which affected the bus speed. The young driver was a little angry and muttered, "I'm convinced, I really want to support you.". There is a handsome guy at the back who cuts off: Don't introduce me. Haven't you seen the words on the back of his car, "I'm shy, don't kiss me"

73. Cuttlefish: Damn it, I'm full of ink and will be called "thief" Crow: Don't complain, I just ran away with singing, and was named "crow mouth" pig: isn't it because we are "black five"?

74. A man touched a woman on the bus, and the woman glared at him viciously. Later, the man touched a woman again, and the woman said angrily, 'What are you doing?' The man said shyly, 'I've been stepping on my feet, didn't you break your mat?'

75. This message is just for your smile. If the expected "smile" result is achieved, my goal will be achieved. If the "smile" result is not achieved, it is your facial nerve error. You need to go to the hospital for diagnosis and treatment. After laughing, you will be cured. I hope you will always smile and have a bright mood every day.

76. In the bank, a beautiful woman asked me: "Is it right to save money?" "Hmm!"!

77. "Wait a minute, little friend. Do you know how to get to the police station?" "I don't know, but there's a bank ahead." "I'm looking for the police station." "You smashed the window of the bank and found it."

78. When men go home early, women are sarcastic; When men come home late, women get angry; Men are handsome, women mutter; If a man is ugly, a woman will stop; If a man is too rich, a woman has no owner; If men have no money, women will turn against them; If men are too obedient, women will be angry; Men are disobedient, women are ferocious like tigers. The left and right are not people, men are really hard!

79. "Three Pots of Soup" for you to share a good life in summer. The first pot of "three fresh" new things, new things and new weather; The second pot of "tomato and egg" is nutritious and healthy; The second pot of "melon soup" is more delicious for clearing heat and detoxification.

80. "Mom, I found Jack loved me very much." "How do you know?" "Whenever he hugs me, I hear his heart pounding." "Daughter, be careful. Your father cheated me by hiding a pocket watch."

81. When I played basketball in college, I was knocked down by the other team member. At this time, a girl rushed to me and asked me affectionately, "Can I fight if I have something to do

82. Just now, the girl friend's head suddenly said affectionately, "Do you know that you made my life meaningful?" I smiled and waved my hand, "How can I be so good?" "Don't be modest. Before I met you, I was carefree and had no worries about food and drink. What's the meaning of such a life without any challenges?"

83. Marriage is like the stock market: just talking about friends called "exploring the market", engagement called "building a position", marriage called "closing a deal", first marriage called "original stock", bad feelings, but can not be separated from "holding up", and after much thought, finally separated from "getting off"