It's still hot in L city these days. It's already two o'clock in the morning when I got together from my friend's house in the evening. I took a taxi and went home along the 312 National Highway. Suddenly, the car jumped violently. I thought it hit something. The taxi driver came down to check the tires. At this time, I came back to my senses from the situation just now. There was a highway toll station around. Now it has been demolished beyond recognition, and the words of Shangyang City can be vaguely seen on the top. The driver said that this was Shangyang's fief in ancient times. Later, there was a riot, and Shangyang was killed by a car crack. I don't feel too sad. At best, it's a pity, because it's a long history of being isolated, and there is no much emotion in the end. Afraid of being seen numb and uneasy in my heart, I smiled and agreed.

There is no one on the road. Occasionally, there are large vehicles carrying goods passing by. The intersection next to it is the vehicle management office. The policy officer on the blue and white light box is directly illuminated. It is cold, like the end of the world. I actually muttered a sentence from my throat, probably saying something like "I fuck, I fuck". At this time, I realized that, I was actually talking to myself. It was not as simple as saying "Ah ah". Instead, I took turns drinking with a large group of people, squatted in the corner of the wall and vomited. Then I cried and called the person I couldn't give up. I repeated the words "I miss you, I miss you, I miss you...". This is the fifth month after I lost my love.

one

When I saw the Nissan film My Girlfriend Is a Robot, I was still in 20xx. I only remember the scene of the Tokyo earthquake in the film plot, which said that when the hero was about to fall into a crack in the ground, the female robot buried in the pile of heavy buildings unexpectedly struggled to remove her skin and flesh bit by bit, cut off her lower body and saved the hero. I don't know why I remember this paragraph very clearly. I seem to have thought whether this description is satirizing my fragile love, which makes me confused and decadent.

After I was lovelorn, I moved out of the school and lived in a small house near the school. When I just moved in, the landlord asked me to pay the rent for half a year in advance. I told him that I would not live that long. When he knew that I was a student of the local school, he happily asked me to pay the rent for one month and a deposit of 100 yuan, saying that I could pay monthly. The last resident of the small house was a girl, and the room was not in a mess as I imagined. I cleaned it a few times before it looked like a mess. There were still decorations on the wall, which saved me a lot of things and looked very warm.

A friend came to see me. He asked me doubtfully whether I had come out to live with my girlfriend. My heart pricked a bit, and my face still smiled. My girlfriend helped me sort it out, and pretended not to care. At that time, I didn't want anyone to know that I had been lovelorn. It seemed that my heart still stubbornly thought it was just a peaceful quarrel. It would be fine in three or two days. I never thought of losing my love.

Later, I called DX. She was my friend. I climbed to the balcony on the top floor and hysterically asked her to comfort me. I was dying of pain. Tears had flowed down unconsciously, but she didn't know. I don't have to maintain any image when I am with DX on weekdays. I feel very happy even when I scold each other.

At that time, I had just started to touch white wine, but I never touched it before. I didn't know why, but I felt that the spiciness of white wine had faded. Finally, I could use a plastic cup to drink the wine like boiled water. The whole room was corroded by the smell of alcohol. I would not go out for several days. I was alone in the face of my untidy appearance. No matter how cowardly and uneasy, it was a matter of one person, and no one else would see it, so everything became reasonable.

two

It's still very busy outside. There are all kinds of snacks. Every evening, the roads on both sides of the alley are filled with carts for food, fruits, vegetables, and sometimes some strange things to sell. For example, when we went through the alley together, we saw a stall full of jewelry threaded with red lines. We bought a couple of pendants, She stood in the crowd and put it on my arm. However, the stall never appeared again. It may have been destroyed by the city manager, and our pendants were lost day after day without knowing it. Fortunately, I hid in my room and went out to eat when I was really hungry. I saw a long time ago stall prominently placed at the door of an Internet cafe. This time, the style was more and more. It was classified into piles and piles, one yuan each. People of all kinds sat patiently on the ground and picked and picked. I saw the things we had bought before at a glance, But no one will pair up with me any more, and no one will stand in the crowd in the middle of the road and wear them on my arms delicately.

For a long time, I didn't get used to the loneliness that a person has to face, the lifeless emptiness of a small house, and the hopelessness like being brushed past in the crowd. Tangtang will call me from time to time to chat with me, thinking that I will be better. In fact, this kind of thing will only remind me how afraid I am to contact with the outside world. These things exist only because of distance. What I want is to have a living friend immediately appear in front of me, even ten minutes.

Later, in order to focus on her love, Tangtang cut off all heterosexual contacts at the initiative of her boyfriend. So later, when it was completely dark, I went out with my keys and change and walked aimlessly around the street near the school. Maybe I can see something that can make my eyes shine on the stall, and there are always surging crowds around, all of them are talking loudly. The store manager of Medesk and I are most familiar with each other. Every time I walk in, he will give me a casual smile. French fries and lettuce in hamburgers are always more than others, and these things are settled according to the membership price, which makes me very grateful.

As if so, I forgot some of the difficulties I felt at the beginning of my life, and gradually became a spectator who lived like a spectator.

I got used to a noodle restaurant called "Wangji Hand Tearing Noodles" unconsciously. It is not only delicious, but also the most important thing is that I can eat five yuan a bowl. In the past, I hardly ate outside the school because I always saw a car with dirty waste oil buckets and was afraid of eating something made of gutter oil. It seems that I don't care about these things now. I remember a long time ago when I went out with her to eat Sichuan Maocai near the supermarket in the evening. I kept drinking hot water. Both of us were wearing hoodies with the same pattern. She reached into my pocket from the back. Why was I alone when I ate these things again, It's obviously a big dish, and only two people can finish it.

three

I went out with DX and sang in a KTV. I always liked DX singing. Listening to some songs that touched my heart reminds me of many past events. When I was with my girlfriend, we wandered around in interesting places and crowded the bus together. She gave me two seats in the last row. Sometimes I would say to DX nervously, look, what I have done with my girlfriend here, and then pull her back jokingly. So in the following days, I resisted going to places I had been with my girlfriend with others. I always felt that no one could take her place in my heart. Maybe it was because I was really precipitated and lost my enthusiasm and motivation in the past.

So I didn't want to go out during the whole semester. I stayed in a small house all day and got on the Internet. Or I was in a daze for a long time. At best, I would go out with my friends to a nearby Internet cafe and have an overnight stay. When I got off the machine the next morning, I would buy a mushroom shredded steamed bun and Babao porridge for breakfast, Then I went back to the small house and slept all day. So it is said that it may be the reason why I seldom go out. My whole body has the smell of mildew, so I am getting thinner in silence. Sometimes I suddenly sigh, "Fuck me, how can I be thinner?" Then I continue to stand alone in the window, watching people coming and going downstairs for a long time, until I am broken by the occasional thought of cell phone ringing, Several times when I went out in the evening, I saw a place called Hongye Nettown near the school was dazzling. I used to come here with my girlfriend to surf the Internet, but now I have no courage to go in. I don't know why. Sometimes I would hurry to the crowded streets alone, go to the first floor of the Vanguard's home to buy food that I could not eat for days, Return to the small house without purpose.

However, some people say that if you live with such a person for a long time, it seems that everything is taken for granted. However, if you want to consider living together again, you need more courage than before. Gradually in the habit of a person's life, as if nothing can not be used to.

Later, I thought that when I was not living alone, I worried about too many things. The past time was constantly passing away from me. I was afraid that one day I would forget those times, so I kept recording them. Now I spend most of my time with myself, but my perception becomes very clear. I remember many details. I even know what time the street light lights up and goes dark every day. I know that the security guard downstairs will walk around for several hours. Therefore, compared with the lost part of happiness, these feelings may seem meaningless.

four

In fact, there are many things to write about a person. For example, a person has run to the campus where his girlfriend lives many times, sat under the basketball rack where we have seen movies many nights, and spent the whole afternoon alone going to the corridor of Yuhua Lake to see if the words "I'm the Lair" written by his girlfriend are still there, Another person vomited in the toilet when he was half drunk at the dormitory party. In short, he did what all the people who live alone did. But I don't know why, when I started writing, what I wrote down was so clear and calm, as if after the fifth month of lovelorn, I finally found a way to live firmly and alone.

After graduating from a public college, DX was assigned to practice in a famous hospital in the provincial capital. It was said that she would stay there in the future. She would come out to play with me when she was on vacation, and lose her face as a nurse.

There are also friends who like to take photos everywhere. They easily bought an SLR, which makes me envy him.

There are also friends who do shady things with their girlfriends every week. They can't see others on weekends.

Everyone can slowly find their own way, and can not extricate themselves.

Recently, I fulfilled the dream that my former girlfriend said I would accompany me to realize. I went to the local Qishan County of Baoji City, ate authentic Qishan Whistle Noodles, and climbed the East Peak of Huashan Mountain with a bucket of Master Kang's water on my back. My girlfriend promised to accompany me. Now I have completed them one by one. Then I went to Changsha. I ate the famous stinky tofu in Changsha quietly without finding the Linwu Roast Duck that Death Peng said. I carried a big travel bag and lived in Jinggang Ancient Town. Behind the house was the water of the Lujiang River. At night, I could blow the wind in the backyard of the house. I calmly recorded these things, and I always worried that time would erode these things to nothing.

I don't want to forget them.