I'm sorry I was born a man
This is a sentence that Taizai said by the hero Dating Yezang in Human Disqualification. At the same time, I think it can also represent the book, or even the summary of Taizai.
This decadent and elegant man once fascinated me. He tried to commit suicide five times, attempted suicide four times, and accompanied different women three times. At the age of 39, he finally succeeded and left the world that made him despair and despise.
I think many people have imagined death. Our life is a process of constantly understanding death, recognizing death and accepting death. Reading Taizai's articles, you will always think of yourself. In fact, we are all hanging in the air, and Taizai is an abyss. Looking down, there will always be him, but I feel secure. Taizaji is the one who tells us the truth.
As a representative of a rogue writer, Taizaizhi carried out his disdain for life with his words, deeds and writings. But he himself lives in a manner that wants to be looked down upon by others. His dissolute, lecherous, deceitful and lies are on the surface the same as some shameless people, but the real shameless people will not admit their shamelessness, and he will not hide it. All the scoundrels written by Taizai Zhi, however, are honest and decadent because they are tired of being born in the morning. He walked unsteadily with all his frustrations on his back, but let us pay attention to his every footstep.
Therefore, I think it is more difficult to face your own pain and failure than to choose death.
Recalling the past, we will despair to find that the number of failures and pains experienced by everyone is far greater than success. But unfortunately, I must point out that people do not have enough ability to avoid failure, and there is no such possibility. History will always repeat itself, and we will always fall into the same predicament. For example, examinations are always improvised and unsatisfactory, for example, love always ends up being cheated, for example, work is always impatient and tired. We will be very painful and sad, as if the whole world is against us. What should we do at this time?
Desperate to die? Don't be silly. If suicide is such a simple thing, I think the population of the world will be reduced by more than half. If you don't mention the sense of responsibility for your parents, friends and family, you will feel guilty. If you don't mention the extreme pain when you are dying, you will regret to go crazy. It is difficult to solve practical technical problems such as drug guns. So wake up. Since you can't die, go to hell and live well.
Then, ask yourself a question, "If I don't get it, what will I lose?"
I find that many people who chat with me will always indulge in their own pain, constantly magnify and expand, and let pessimism and negative emotions blind their eyes. I have also experienced such times when I lost interest in everything, felt anxious and indignant, and had the impulse to destroy everything.
All our pain comes from desire, from reluctance and delusion. When you are surrounded by pessimism, you don't have to rush blindly from side to side. Stop, take a deep breath, and look back at your own heart. At this time, please remember to ask yourself, "If I don't get it, what will I lose?"
If your answer is not to lose anything, then it is not worth your pain. Because your pain at this time is meaningless. It may seem cold to say so. How can those sleepless nights, those drunken midnight, and those wet pillows be meaningless. Those are just your unwillingness, just the disappointment caused by the failure of cleverness and opportunism. Since even efforts and efforts are not necessarily rewarded, how can small minds and cleverness be possible.
It's no big deal. You are still young and kind-hearted. What are you afraid of? Under the mud, lotus flowers grow.