M is a freelancer who pursues freedom of personality, but at present, he is so unhappy in the process of developing new projects with enthusiasm. His true state of mind can only be revealed by quoting his original words. He said several times: "I am a busy person, and I am very busy working, and I feel very full. But I have a great concern, and I am reluctant to let my former colleagues and old friends know that I am still working. If they know, they will either accuse you of being unpopular, or persuade you to enjoy the happiness, not satirize you for being old and struggling, or sympathize with you for being tired and hard. Well, I feel embarrassed to be with them. " I said, "You don't want them to know, just don't tell them, or just don't play with them. What are you worried about?" He looked helpless and said, "Hey, human relations, no communication, no communication. Alas, I don't know why I care about other people's opinions? But I really hate them saying, 'You don't lack money, why do you make so much money? It's hard and depressing to remember those words when I think of people who are 60 years old. So it's better to hide it from them... "" It seems an disgraceful secret to expose your career in front of friends? How do you understand it? "" I don't know, but I feel helpless. "
To his helpless feeling, I gave birth to a kind of helpless desolation.
M's expression really makes people think that he is not really "very busy doing things, feeling very full". Here, I am not curious about his pseudo enrichment psychology (because he was once an obsessive-compulsive patient), but lament the social pathological characteristics reflected by his "why people can't be themselves freely". From M's fear of expressing and showing himself, it reflects many people's mediocre values and herd mentality, from M's high cover up mentality, it reflects the oppression of social cultural taboos on people's hearts and humanity, and people's sense of being accused of not being able to directly express their own wishes. It is thus thought that the repressed personality is related to the lack of social soil (morbid).
From the psychological interpretation, it is easy to trace many absurd psychological and strange behaviors of people to their childhood experiences, as well as the early object relationship environment related to childhood psychology. The "childhood determinism" of psychoanalysis means that the root of human psychological diseases is buried in early years.
If we can't choose the birth and early environment, then the decisive factor of "childhood determinism" is not the childhood villain, but the environment of childhood villain. To put it simply, if a person's childhood environment is full of emotional security (unconditional love, and timely and effective support from the caregiver even if he experiences risks), trust (even if he has retreat, but has the understanding and encouragement of the caregiver), and responsibility (cultivating the responsibility ability of the child), he will be a confident and self-sufficient person in the future. vice versa.
Originally, a person's childhood environment is also the epitome of a (family) social environment.
If a (family) socio-cultural environment is autocratic, arbitrary, false utilitarian, lacking human respect, fairness and integrity, and multiple value orientations and beliefs, then children in this society or family will have a pathological early environment. Children growing up in this early background will inevitably have their own personality and psychology to invade the pathological characteristics.
From many surveys (such as summer camps for primary and secondary school students), it is found that Chinese students and Western students are quite different in several main characteristics: passion, endurance, independence, autonomy, cooperation, and innovation. Western students are significantly higher than Chinese students, while the scores of dependence, jealousy, egotism, and resilience are significantly higher for Chinese students than for Western students. The contrast itself shows that it is the result of two social cultures (soils). What kind of soil breeds what kind of life.
In real life, who can deny: unfeasible quality education and indestructible exam oriented education → mental and physical oppression of children. Seeing the attitude of teachers, parents and people from all walks of life towards cramming teaching in the school and the bombardment of cram schools outside the school, we heard most of the sighs: Oh, no way, society is like this!
Quality education, to be exact, is talent education. The talent education is not to press children down with a lot of books, but to give them an appropriate and superior education condition, with the core of cultivating children's ability to think effectively, innovate, play, solve problems independently, and have the courage to show themselves and take responsibility. Examination oriented education is the opposite.
The lack of gifted education has only one consequence: the lack of creativity and uniqueness of children. Those young people who originally hated reading, compulsive reading and other emotional psychology, but later suffered from depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and material dependence, can not but be said to be "sick" under the lack of talent education.
So, we should explore whether the problem teenagers or young people with mental disorders should dig out their early psychological roots, investigate the obstacles in their early parent-child relationship, or face up to the lack of social soil for educating people in their childhood? Why is there a lack of talent education that children need in their early years?
Zhhwang's blog "why do we lack an independent attitude towards life" uses many practical examples to demonstrate that the reason why we lack an independent attitude towards life is related to cultural alienation in the context of chinese confucian culture. He made a profound analysis of the universal phenomenon of unification, modularization and homogenization in the value of life of Chinese people. Here, we quote a short paragraph (to illustrate our helplessness and exclamation when facing a culture of "control and restraint"):
"... The main historical trend of Chinese Confucianism is not to become comfortable, but to become" law oriented ". The most typical example of this dissimilation due to politicization is the "Twenty four Filial Piety" in the Eastern Han Dynasty. A filial son who buried his son alive to feed his parents became a model and hero in Chinese culture, which is undoubtedly a culture of sacrificing human nature for some castrated "Tao", a culture that has lost the harmony and balance between human nature and Tao. This "Tao" How can it be attractive to future generations? How can people feel the value and significance of life in their spiritual yearning for this ideological "Tao"? Once the compulsion and binding force of this "Tao" on people has collapsed, how can people who have lost their spiritual pursuit not go to extreme secularization?
This kind of asceticism is not to achieve the aesthetic pursuit of super utility, but to achieve a secular political goal, that is, to achieve the mechanical stability of the ruling order. This kind of abstinence is not even as attractive to human nature as the "other world" in western ascetic religions. It is hard to imagine how this official Confucian school can make people enjoy a comfortable and free life.
The abstinence style "law based" repression of human nature forms a mechanical personality trait.
The Chinese people have everything, wisdom, perseverance, diligence, hard work, and all these things. What they lack is a romantic attitude towards life. We should thank the Western civilization for its stimulation and enlightenment in these ultra utilitarian values. If we can draw more nourishment from the essence of the original Confucian thought, and combine it with the super utilitarian value essence we extracted from western civilization. We may hope to have a richer, more passionate and more colorful life. "
Many of these papers on social and cultural analysis have clarified that the inferiority of human character is due to the inferiority of social soil.
From the recently broadcast TV "Dwelling Narrowness", it vividly reveals the pathological taste of this social soil. Haiping and Su Chun, a pair of poor scholars in the modern era, embody the helplessness of Chinese culture: the paleness of knowledge in the face of poverty; The embarrassment of face in comparison; The abdication of morality in the face of material desires; The weakness of the ideal self in front of reality. Song Siming, an archetype who sees through the corruption of Chinese officials, expresses the success criteria pursued by many people: power, money and mistress. Haizao, a girl who subverts the illusion of "coming out of the mud without being contaminated", is a metaphor of a bleak possibility: pure beauty will degenerate into a spiritual and muddy environment. Although Dwelling Narrowness also shows some of the beauty of the world, it feels far fetched and illusory. However, Dwelling Narrowness is a reproduction of real life.
If you ask, why is the purity of Haizao subverted? How could Song Siming be so powerful and rich as a small official? Why do talented Haiping and Su Chun bend over for the "humble residence"? Are we talking about their psychological barriers in childhood? Or is their early object relationship defective, or is it because their early parents failed to educate them? Or is there something wrong with the social soil they live in?
Perhaps, the root of any field we pursue can explain the current symptoms; Perhaps we all know that the modern people's "Alas, there is no way" lament, and its corresponding behavior mode is compromise, avoidance, passive obedience, and it is difficult for people in interpersonal relationships to truly express their ideas and directly express their emotional needs. This kind of behavior pattern is different from the personality characteristics of ancient Chinese people only in appearance but in essence. The interpretation of why there is such a behavior pattern is actually the same topic as the interpretation of "why we lack a unique attitude towards life". Or perhaps, most of us will agree with the reason that we are a nation with more than 2000 years of feudal ethics. The powerful function of these feudal ethics is to "preserve the reason of heaven and destroy the desire of people", which has destroyed a lot of creativity and autonomy of people. However, it is difficult for us to interpret the vitality of the inhuman remnants of feudal ethics? How can you continue to kick? At least I, a person who does not understand and is afraid of politics, cannot understand. Therefore, I will also lament, "Alas, society is like this, there is no way!"
Faced with the social phenomenon, who would not bemoan: why there is a high level of materialism, wanton counterfeiting and shoddy behavior, rare integration of government and business, the gap between the rich and the poor, absurd cultural taboos (such as the network shielding sensitive words or articles), the absolute voice of the media, the indifference and numbness of people around to violence and humiliation... In the face of those who are forced to become destructive, In the face of a neurotic person who has to wear a mask to live, and a student who indulges in Internet cafes because of escaping control education, do we hate his psychological misdeeds in childhood? Or complain that his early object relationship is not good, or blame his parents for personality defects? Or explore the inferiority of his social and humanistic environment? If the answer is unassailable, it is that the formation of human psychological disease is related to social, family and personal pathological factors. To put it on the extreme, the root of human disease lies in the pathological social soil.
If the psychological diseases such as suicide, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, interpersonal phobia, etc., which are high incidence nowadays, are due to their own weak personality psychology, and the root cause is their childhood environment obstacles, or the early object relationship is defective, then where does this "defective childhood relationship environment" come from? If every life has its mother and every established "early relationship environment" has its mother, then the hotbed of the patient's "defective childhood environment" is the social soil of scarcity. In conclusion, as long as there is such social soil, each of our generations will inevitably have a copy of the same matrix, or each generation will inevitably reincarnate in the "same childhood environment".
If it is naive and delusional to give people a beautiful environment and transform the social soil, what else can we do except lament and helplessness when we smell the bad taste of the soil?
Back to the popular catchphrase: "Oh, no way!"
Under the soil of bad taste, people's breath is not smooth, their diet is not environmentally friendly, their words are taboo, and their job choices are not free... In fact, there are many people who are not free, and there is a lot of sense of control.
As long as you understand it carefully, you will feel "ah" - exhale the depressed feelings of depression, regret and regret, "no way" - express the lamentation that you can no longer do nothing. The common psychology of the mantra expresses people's helpless choice under the social environment (big soil): do what you don't want to do. In desperation, you have to be what others or society want you to be.
Therefore, "Alas, there is no way" implies the deprivation of human freedom. The cold air from the soil of inferiority behind it is undoubtedly a kind of helpless desolation.
Therefore, we should appreciate and respect those who criticize the dross of social culture and advocate justice for the social system to move towards true democracy; Give an understanding to those who call personality "outer circle and inner side" (In Chinese culture, outer circle and inner side are regarded as high quality personality. But why is it not that personality is different inside and outside? Why can't our external reaction be the internal appearance?); Those who cannot be free to be themselves, or who are cautious or face saving or appear to have no personality, should be tolerant and accepted; We should give a high degree of sympathy and care to those who suffer from various psychological diseases because they cannot be themselves freely.
Hey, face the reality! As for the lack of social soil, we need to learn to bear a sense of helplessness. As for the lack of individual psychology, we need to learn to bear our own limitations, learn to bear individual social roles and life responsibilities. Otherwise, you have no choice but to be tasteless in the accused culture.
(For the original article, please indicate the source of the article if it is reproduced, Sichuan Chengdu Blue Sky Psychological Consulting Agency Xiong Ling Commercial reprint, please contact first)
Sichuan Chengdu Blue Sky Psychological Consulting Agency Xiong Ling 2010.1.6.
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