I have a girlfriend who is pure, profound, proud, melancholy and independent. I love her deeply. When I constantly express my feelings for her, I always feel that she is evasive. Gradually, I learned that she had been molested, and that this heart knot led her to cool and hide her feelings, look on others and even the world with cold eyes, and the rest is only enthusiastic about work. I am very worried about her and want to help her. Excuse me, teacher, how can I help her?
The question you asked me looks like this: obscenity is a kind of trauma. When the victim was a child, she did not experience the pain of humiliation. Only when the girl had sexual awareness and moral standards in her early youth, she did not understand that past events seemed to be sexual acts, and gradually defined past events as sexual injuries being violated, that is, obscenity. In this process, a special emotion will gradually arise and accumulate in the girl's heart: the feeling of innocent, helpless, simple and young life being desecrated, which is an inextricable anger. Heaven has the principle of "bullying the old rather than the young", but the reality is that there are villains who disobey heaven. For the indecent person, in the face of this established trauma, it can be assumed that "I was bitten by a vicious dog when I was young", and psychologically treating the indecent person as "non-human" can reduce the sense of injury and anger.
The girl was molested at an hour, which would indeed constitute a traumatic painful memory for her. However, the degree of its negative impact varies with girls' personality, family environment and other factors. Almost all girls who have been molested have the same mentality as your girlfriend: rejection and aversion to sex, distrust of the opposite sex, and even distrust of everyone or the world. It is a difficult and long process to repair the psychological trauma caused by such an event. Since this traumatic event existed in the past, and the target of our revenge is no longer the perpetrator (to vent hatred and punish the perpetrator is a direct and reasonable way to deal with the infringed injury at that time), and because this sense of injury is enduring in the hearts of the people involved, they will hold self closed hostility and hatred. Therefore, the best way to recover from trauma is to wait. Girls must go through a time process of self repair, and follow the growth of life experience to eliminate the traces of resentment; The person who loves her gives her constant love. In this love, there is no complaint, no teaching or enlightenment, only gentle and firm accompany without regret. With true love, she feels that there is trustworthy love in this world. The latter is the fundamental way to heal the girl's inner trauma.
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Sichuan Chengdu Blue Sky Psychological Consulting Agency Xiong Ling 2010.1.29.
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