——Reply to the letter from the editor of Family Doctor
Mr. Xiongling, would you please reply to the following questions:
Everyone's life and vision have limitations. We will find another truth at an unexpected moment. However, the truth is not always beautiful, sometimes even we can not face and accept. Maybe it will destroy your original ideal construction of life, maybe it will break your original good understanding of yourself, or it may break your understanding of human nature.
Maybe you would say that if I didn't know... maybe it would be better. However, this assumption will never hold. What kind of attitude should we have when facing the truth? How to make the most rational and objective choice?
The meaning of human life may be the pursuit of truth. Otherwise, how can there be such life questions as "Who am I, where am I from, and where should I go" that can never find the ideal answer? How can there be such insistence on the truth as the "South China Tiger Incident"? The truth may be the driving force of human behavior.
Indeed, people always find one truth after another in the moment after moment, or in the chance of accident after accident, and feel the wonderful and beautiful life. Indeed, the truth is not always beautiful, and some are even beyond our ability to face and accept. This in itself shows that the essence of truth is paradox.
People long for the truth and fear the truth. It is the particularity of the truth. Human nature is inherently good and likes truth, goodness and beauty, and rejects hypocrisy and cruelty. If there is a cruel truth in life, it must be that the true, the good and the beautiful are covered by too much hypocrisy and hurt by cruel attacks. Does this also mean that human nature is inherently evil?
We have seen such cruel truth:
·When a mother forced her son to marry, she learned that the son she regarded as the "lifeblood" was gay
·A young girl who had just given birth suddenly saw that her baby was disabled;
·When two lovers are drunk in love, one day they suddenly learn that they are brothers and sisters... or a girl who has loved each other faithfully for five years suddenly finds that the man is an emotional liar with marriage and children;
·The classic case of cruel truth is Sophocles' Oedipus King. Oedipus became the king of Thebes and married the former king's widow Iocuster because he solved the "Sphinx mystery" and saved the suffering people of Thebes. Only a few years later did Oedipus know that he was abandoned by the king's own parents. The person he killed unintentionally was his biological father. The king's widow he married was his biological mother. His four children were both his children and his brother and sister. When he learned the cruel truth of this series, Oedipus poked his eyes blind and lived a life of exile. Although this is a myth of ancient Greece, life is full of similar cruelty, even more cruel than this truth.
It seems that only cruel truth can hurt people. Only the cruelty of the truth can make people understand what is called "the ruthlessness of reality", so that people can understand why some people prefer to live in illusion, why there are so many lies to live? Why do people swear to protect secrets? Ignorance (cruel truth) is fearless!
If you ask, "What kind of mentality should we have in the face of cruel truth? How should we make rational and objective choices?" This is a difficult question. Because the cruel truth itself is true and exists, how can we let the existence disappear? It is like facing a difficult problem that a child asks his mother, "Can you not be the mother who gave birth to me?". When the earthquake comes, you can't order the earthquake to stop. When your relatives suddenly become sophisticated, you can't expect her to live in an instant
Since the reality is ruthless, the truth is cruel, and misfortune is encountered by us, we should say that we have no choice, or that we have to choose to accept it. However, whether "forced acceptance" can be achieved varies from person to person. Some people may collapse when encountering cruel reality and can no longer face any reality. Therefore, in the face of cruel truth, we need a rational and receptive attitude. Even if we think it is easier said than done, we still have to do so (doing itself is realistic and cruel):
·Reasonable defense. It is human instinct to protect ourselves from being hurt. When we suddenly face the cruel reality, we instinctively have defensive reactions, such as denial, reverse identification, depression, escape, hysteria, physiological symptoms, etc., to protect ourselves from being knocked down by cruelty. These are natural and normal defensive responses, and also reasonable human responses in emergency situations. But the reasonable "emergency defense" time will not exceed a few days to three months. If the degree of defense response is heavy and the duration is too long, it may fall into chronic depression, which requires professional psychological counseling. The important thing is that we need to allow ourselves to have abnormal defensive responses when facing cruel events.
·Have a mentality of forced acceptance. None of us would like to see the cruel facts, but when cruelty comes, we have no way out. In addition to defensive reaction, we also think about "welcoming it" in our hearts. In the face of cruelty, we need to have an attitude of being forced to accept it, that is, not to deny it, not to hate it, not to resist it. Then, the inevitable negative emotions of cruelty will soon pass when they come.
We must be hard to suffer from cruelty, but we will not be defeated by cruelty. We can choose to deal with the cruel facts with sadness, and wipe the painful scars with tears (do the right thing).
In fact, the best defense against cruel facts is to greet them. As an old saying goes, the best defense is to attack beautifully - to respond.
·Reason is king. Rationality is respect for the objective truth. In the face of cruelty, it is absolutely necessary to be rational to be able to defend reasonably, or to attack beautifully, and to accept cruel facts sadly. In the face of cruel facts, although people rationally think they should face and accept them, they can't do it in fact. We understand that human feelings (sensibility) cannot accept cruelty, and the reason why sensibility does not accept cruelty is that there is no reason. The power of sensibility is stronger than that of tiger. In many cases, rationality is defeated by sensibility. If people are always confused with "why I know what to do but I can't do it", it is only imaginary rationality, not real rationality. Real rationality refers to a person's tolerance, compliance and assurance of objective truth, without distortion, denial or concealment.
The fundamental difference between man and animals is rationality. Only rational ability can control the power of emotion and deal with complicated and cruel things in human beings. Parmenides, the ancient Greek philosopher, believed that "reason is king. After all, the verification of feeling must be judged by reason. Which one should we stick to? Any method claiming to be superior to reason must be adopted and applied by reason. This gives reason an arbitrary ruling right that is almost superior to all inquiry methods." Therefore, Reason is the highest means to defeat cruelty.
The so-called rational ability includes the ability to analyze, judge and decide objectively, as well as the ability to control emotions and behaviors rationally. People who lack rationality or always use things emotionally are vulnerable to setbacks.
Therefore, if you have a good attitude to face the cruel truth, it is to cultivate your rational ability, which needs long-term cultivation of personality and mind.
·Have psychological energy. Psychological energy includes people's tolerance, acceptance, kindness and forgiveness.
If you can calmly deal with the cruel facts, you will have the psychological energy to resist setbacks. As far as people are concerned, we always have contradictions, and there are some things that are not transferred by our subjective will; As far as the truth of life is concerned, there is always a cruel existence of human nature that we don't like. Just look at Animal World. If we can be aware of these and choose to face and accept them from the behavior, we will not be hurt by setbacks (or become patients), which is the embodiment of rationality and psychological ability.
Rationality enables us to understand the truth and interpret the meaning of the truth; Psychological energy enables us to deal with the cruel truth and bear the cruel truth.
To soothe and forget the sadness, we can also experience the "Forget Worry Grass" sung by Zhou Huajian and its lyrics——
Let the weak know cruelty
Face the cold every time in life
Reluctantly loved people
Often predestined not share
Who really takes who seriously
Who cares for whom
Who is the only one
A scarred innocent soul
I have long denied that there is any god
Beautiful life
kind people
Heartbreak and heartbreak are too insignificant
Come and go You and I met
It's better to meet each other with a smile
Forget the worry grass
How much do you know in your dream
A remote place
An island
A hug on a certain day, a certain month, a certain year
Gently riverside grass
Wait quietly
Related articles of Xiong Ling:
On Identity and Acceptance Complex (1 ）
On Identity and Acceptance Complex (2)
Who makes you sick, who can save you
Why do you always blush
Can I get rid of my inferiority complex
Why did she get seasick?
How to face others' criticism
Fragile nature
Psychological Analysis of Criminal Fantasy
How to face the cruel truth?
Why am I always obsessed with the idea of "accidental death"
Wayward libido
There is a kind of sadness and helplessness
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