Modern psychologists classify people's basic emotions into five categories: happiness, anger, disgust, fear and guilt. Apart from happiness, other emotions can be classified as negative emotions. All mental activities of human beings have emotional color and are exposed in different states.
Psychologists believe that all emotional states are temporary and subjective, but they are caused by certain reasons, although people are not always clearly aware of the causes of their emotions. From the perspective of mental health, emotional control and adjustment is the most important adjustment function in the self psychological structure, and also the primary sign of a person's psychological maturity. The preconditions of emotion control are: first, accept your own emotion without denying or rejecting it; The second is to understand your emotions. However, to achieve these two points, in most cases, it is necessary to seek the help of a professional psychologist or psychoanalyst.
Emotions are divided into negative emotions and positive emotions, that is, negative emotions and positive emotions. But no matter what kind of emotion, it will leave a mark on people's behavior, make people's activities have a certain mood, and stimulate or suppress personal enthusiasm. When you are troubled by negative emotions such as depression, sadness, anxiety, disgust, anger, etc., your life is most likely to be hit or damaged. Persistent negative emotion is a typical self defeating behavior, and the ultimate victim is himself. It leads to life troubles, interpersonal conflicts and various psychological obstacles, which may eventually evolve into mental disorders (such as decreased judgment, poor thinking, and always making mistakes in work) and somatic symptoms (such as migraine and other neurosis, cardiovascular system diseases, bone cancer, etc.), It seriously hinders your life from moving towards success and happiness. The purpose of psychological counseling is to help clients analyze the causes of negative emotions, provide corresponding decompression guidance, and help clients get out of various annoying emotions.
I About anger
Everyone has a feeling of anger, but its intensity and pain vary from person to person. The common manifestations are: blood rushes to the limbs, trunk and brain, heart rate increases, adrenal hormone secretion increases, and strong physical and mental energy is generated to cope with intense action. Anger, anger, dissatisfaction, hatred, contempt and other emotions belong to those that provoke impulsion. This type of personality is often prone to behaviors that are difficult to control.
In the consultation telephone, many young people often ask such questions: Is my poor interpersonal relationship related to my impulsive personality? of course! This kind of problem is often manifested as a barrier to the relationship with colleagues or supervisors. It is a common manifestation of anger to describe how to dislike department leaders and how your immediate boss is arbitrary, unfair, harsh and difficult, but dare not offend others or freely express their views, especially when young women face the requirements of their superiors. We must understand that people who are really easy to treat others with extreme anger are often people who repress themselves in life.
One of my visitors, a 40 year old gentleman, a technician with junior college education, is the business backbone of a certain unit. Because of frequent confrontation and conflict with the unit leader, he resigned and became an individual. The reason began in his childhood. Since his father was beaten to the Right, he was often bullied by others. Since middle school, he has also been involved in his father's problems such as joining the Communist Youth League, joining the Party, and entering higher schools. After working in a better situation, the leader again paid no attention to talents, and was fined thousands of yuan for one technical error, and was given a demerit. Li was so angry that he planned to die with the leaders. After much persuasion, Mr. Li calmed down his anger and decided to resign to reserve strength. With the idea of "it is not too late for a gentleman to avenge ten years", he drew up a revenge plan. In the next two years, although the impulse of revenge was somewhat alleviated, when he learned that the leader had been transferred to work in other provinces, his unbalanced psychology was aroused. He hated why he had not "passed the knife" to a leader at the beginning, and he also felt "where can I find the leader now". Unconvinced, "Now that I have lost my iron job, I live on my own and have no revenge". In this way, with a complex mood, I have experienced anger and conflict for a long time, and it is hard to let go.
Treatment suggestion: If you fall into anger, first mobilize your self-control and find out the root of anger. (1) Take the inner question: "Who on earth caused me to feel angry in my life, and when did this feeling begin to experience repeatedly?" Usually, through analysis, we will find that our anger often has a long historical origin. (2) Analyze the consequences of anger, impulse or revenge. What is important is what will happen to you. (3) How to make yourself not too impulsive? Usually, we should train our ability of self-discipline and relaxation, and try to avoid regret after impulse. It is also the unfriendly behavior of others. The key is how to understand. (4) Try to take constructive actions to improve interpersonal relationships. An American social psychologist put forward such a suggestion to people who are prone to anger: Try to postpone your anger time. Once you realize that anger can be delayed, you learn to control yourself. To delay anger is to control anger. After many practices, you will know how to eliminate anger.
2、 About guilt
Guilt includes a sense of shame, self reproach, inferiority complex, and shame, feeling like you owe someone else a debt. This is a negative and unhelpful emotion. People who are entangled by such emotions often indulge in the past and regret for what they have done in the past. A philosopher said: "Guilt people are people who live in the past. They don't experience the happiness of the present, nor have the dream of tomorrow. They just constantly reflect on their mistakes and mistakes, so as to try to pay back their debts for their mistakes." Many people are affected by guilt to varying degrees in life, resulting in mental depression. From the perspective of psychoanalysis, guilt is the main emotional source leading to depression. It actually refers to self anger and dissatisfaction, and is also the usual symptom of patients with depression. Therefore, people with extreme depression tend to commit suicide, and they have an extreme sense of self blame and negation.
There was a case of an extramarital affair. Yu, a 45 year old male, had a harmonious relationship, but he had a long-term extramarital relationship with another woman, and felt guilty and uneasy for this. Even so, he still kept his wife and lover secret. This is the common inner contradictory psychology of the parties involved in an extramarital affair. People who suffer from guilt for a long time may even have sexual dysfunction. Psychologist Dai Yi pointed out that their guilt is meaningless. It can neither improve the quality of marriage life nor enjoy the pleasure of trysts with lovers. In fact, they are faced with two choices: either they are troubled by guilt for a long time and pay the physical and mental price, or they should carefully examine their marriage life and try to change the situation of the imam.
The positive measures to control guilt are: 1. Try to face and understand the problems you repeatedly avoid, make a rational assessment of marital emotional problems and internal conflicts, and seek professional help when necessary. 2. While ensuring that the most important psychological needs are met, learn to give up some unimportant needs. 3. Check the concepts that cause inner conflict and anxiety, and replace old concepts with new ones. This can only be done in the state of psychoanalysis.
3、 About aversion
Disgust includes dislike, nausea, discomfort, rejection, dissatisfaction, etc. In an abstract way, anything in life that is opposite to truth, goodness and beauty is likely to cause people's aversion. But in fact, it is not so clear. Sometimes the aversion seems to have nothing to do with the standards of truth, goodness and beauty, but it is caused by a certain frustration, such as being blocked in entering a higher school, applying for a job, and promotion. Frustration usually occurs when the individual's desire conflicts with the reality, which leads to psychological disorder. People who have long been in a sense of aversion to a certain object may "generalize" this sense of aversion to more objects, thus seriously affecting the social adaptability of the parties and causing interpersonal tension.
For example, there is such a thing: Mr. Xiaojing is a person of high quality in the eyes of his friend Mr. Li, but once Mr. Li suddenly found that Xiaojing didn't buy tickets when he was riding, and Mr. Li was very disgusted with ticket evasion. At this time, his feelings for Xiaojing became frustrated, and his entire understanding of him also changed, and he hated Xiaojing very much. So, how to adjust the aversion caused by this? Some experts put forward the triangle model of "cognitive balance theory", which is very suitable for dealing with these problems: because you were positive to your friends and you did not approve of their ticket evasion behavior, there are two positive signs in the triangle relationship between "you", "friends" and "ticket evasion behavior" (recognition of friends and affirmation of their ticket evasion behavior), A minus sign (your negation of ticket evasion), the multiplication of three symbols is (negative) times (positive) times (positive), and the result is negative. At this time, the triangle is in an unbalanced state, and you will have anxiety. If you change your view of your friends to negative, that is, there is a "two negative and one positive" relationship. The three symbols multiply to positive, and the triangular relationship is in balance.
From the perspective of "the balance can be maintained by multiplying the three symbols", you (Mr. Li) can actually have three solutions, rather than only one way to alienate friends: (1) You change your attitude towards friends, have a sense of disgust towards them, and therefore alienate them. This is the method that Mr. Li intends to adopt; (2) You can change your view on ticket evasion, understand the reason for his behavior from the perspective of his character and behavior habits, reach an understanding, accept his occasional mistakes, and the triangular relationship can also restore balance; (3) It is also a positive measure to explicitly ask your friend not to cheat and let him give up this behavior. There are too many similar situations. As long as you constantly adjust the reference system you use for comparison and see more solutions, you can reduce the aversion caused by frustration and maintain a good mood.
4、 About fear
Fear includes fear, fear, being threatened, anxiety, etc. Among negative emotions, fear is the most common, and the difference is only in degree. Because there are too many difficulties and contradictions from all aspects of life - worry about not looking good, worry about not being competent for work, worry about friends betraying themselves, worry about spouses abandoning themselves emotionally, fear of illness, fear of loneliness, fear of poverty, fear of others' bad impression of you, anxiety about failing the exam, anxiety about losing the college entrance exam, fear of losing face, fear of unemployment, etc, There is no end.
For example, there was a college student who was always afraid of being teased by others. In fact, he was an outstanding student union cadre. At the university, he sang out of tune at a party, which caused laughter from the students, immediately felt humiliated and humiliated, and then poisoned himself.
The psychological diseases caused by fear can be regarded as colorful, such as hypochondria, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorder, phobia, etc., and phobia alone includes human phobia, heterosexual phobia, object phobia, square phobia, animal phobia, high-altitude phobia, social phobia, etc. In daily life, there are people who are always afraid of others' gossip, public opinion pressure, and being rejected by others, which will hinder their behavior. All these "fears" will seriously affect the smooth development and success of their careers.
Fear is usually related to the experience and frustration of the parties in their childhood and adolescence, but it is relatively easy to treat psychological symptoms, and the course of treatment is relatively short. Psychoanalytic therapy, hypnotherapy, desensitization therapy, Morita therapy, etc., often have clear effects. Daily handling suggestions: 1. Face the reality and accept the facts. First, make sure what you are afraid of? For the existing fear events, it is better to face them and change them rather than escape them. The concept should be clear, only face can eliminate fear. 2. Give up negative and ineffective actions and take positive actions. With the change of concept, it is expected to build confidence to overcome fear. Friends with fear tendencies should think carefully about what measures to take to prevent fear from deepening, list them on paper one by one, and arrange them from easy to difficult, step by step. 3. For potential dangers, threats, fears, etc., the best way is to mentally prepare for the worst. Usually, in order to eliminate the anxiety of middle school students in the college entrance examination, psychologists will discuss with visiting students the consequences of failing or failing in the college entrance examination and their plans after failing. This is the reason. Putting failure first is conducive to participating in the competition with a relaxed attitude. In this way, you will have enough psychological preparation to deal with the unexpected.
The famous philosopher Russell proposed this technique to ease fear, that is, as long as you persist in facing the worst possibility and say to yourself with sincere confidence, "It doesn't matter much anyway", your fear will be reduced to the minimum.
