a home letter

Author: Zhong Juqin

Dear Father:

Words are like words. Tonight, I don't know why, tossing and turning, I couldn't sleep for a long time, and suddenly remembered the nine letters you sent off and on. Letters are not hard to find. They are neatly placed in a sturdy suitcase, with a book and a step of paper under them. This is a red wine packing box, which was sent from a friend in the south. I remember when you held the black framed presbyopic glasses with one hand and looked at it repeatedly with the other hand, complaining that the current goods were so flashy and impractical. Finally, you hesitated to leave it when cleaning up the garbage, thinking of leaving it for my mother and me to collect valuable things.

The recipient on the cover of nine letters was my name without exception, but the address and zip code of the recipient had changed three or four times, because I had just entered the society at that time, my mind was uncertain, my work was unstable, and I often changed my residence. I'm afraid you and my mother are worried. I seldom take the initiative to tell my family about work matters. You always call me to ask my address before sending things, and then you can safely end the call after three or four times of repeated confirmation. Later, there was no change in those letters. The content arrangement was exactly the same as copying and pasting.

I casually opened the first one. The inside of the envelope was still an envelope. The difference was that there were four big words in the red box on the cover, "My son". I can't help smiling. Father, you are still as lovely as ever. You are stubborn and refuse to accept new things. You are used to communicating by letter.

This letter was sent by you shortly after I went to college. The content is not long, but it is particularly thick because of its bold and unconstrained writing. At the beginning, I didn't have to worry about my home. The items you sent me were listed, including quilts, autumn clothes, and even a canned apricot. I was told to check carefully in case of loss. Later, we had a family reunion. Everyone was very nervous about the birth of an aunt's cow. My primary school classmate got married, and where the wedding ceremony was held, and whose daughter-in-law ran away. It's needless to guess that it must be your mother who asked you to add something to it. I can even imagine your expression at that time, but there is nothing I can do about it. In the last paragraph of the letter, there is only one sentence: take a broad view, accumulate a lot and send a little.

The second letter was received the year I graduated from college. Similar to the previous one, you still want me to take care of myself, not worry about my family, and everything is fine. This time I doubt it, because you said the same last time, but I learned that my aunt's cowshed was set on fire not long ago when I returned from the winter vacation, and it burned beyond recognition. In the middle, I raised a question about the transfer of contracted land at home, asked my opinion, and then came my mother's voice. All the big and small things happened around me were missed. The last sentence is still the same: your mother and I have no problem with all your arrangements after graduation. We should make our own plans and cherish ourselves.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth letters were sent by you when I changed jobs frequently. At that time, my experience was shallow and I ran into difficulties everywhere. The double torture of life and work kept me on the edge of losing control of my emotions. My mother's nagging on the phone made me very upset. I remember when I was 26 years old, I quit my job and ended my love for several years. Reluctance, resentment and powerlessness fill my life. I am like a powder keg on the verge of explosion. I can argue with passers-by who cut in line. On my birthday, I wandered in the busy street at a loss, feeling funny and ridiculous. Just entering the rental house, I received a phone call from my mother, who asked me excitedly whether I had eaten cake, what good things I had eaten, whether I had received gifts from her, and whether I had bought new clothes for myself. The pent up emotion finally got out of control at that moment. I complained bitterly to my mother that I was an adult and knew how to take care of myself. I didn't have much free time to listen to some trivial things. There was a long silence on the other side of the phone. Finally, you took the call and said "Mind your body". In fact, as soon as I said that, I regretted that my mother had not read for several years. I always had to discuss with you about the major family issues after growing up. My mother did not understand my work, so she could only express her concern and missing for me from these small things. I didn't have the courage to call back in the next few days. Of course, I didn't receive your phone message. Then I received your sixth letter.

Unusual, this letter was not wrapped up by a large bag of local specialties as usual, it was just lonely. Only one envelope is used, and the handwriting is smooth and sharp. You can even feel your strength when writing between the lines. The content is just one sentence: apologize to your mother and go home for the New Year.

Now this letter is lying in my hand, the words are like the person, upright and sharp. Since then, greetings from my mother have gradually decreased.

The gap between the seventh letter and the eighth letter was more than two years, and I finally had a stable career. At the beginning, I didn't feel at home as usual. I just said that the road in front of my house was run over by cars and the dust was flying. People had to be careful when walking past. Let me find some acquaintances to drive and press it with sand. He also said that two bricks near the door of the house were knocked off by several little bastards and needed to be repaired. It was also said that the earth wall in the backyard failed to resist the rainstorm, and a long crack was opened. I didn't know what to do, so I had to use half a thick tree root to support it first. Finally, I mentioned that my mother's waist and legs often hurt, and sometimes she couldn't sleep all night. I used some plasters to get better. Don't worry about it. Pay attention to your body.

The eighth letter and the ninth letter were more than two years apart, when I had my own family and children. The content of the letter is no longer limited to myself, but also my husband and children. The things sent from home are becoming more and more heavy. The items listed in the letter can take up a whole page. I still check them one by one according to my habit for many years, and call you after confirming that they are correct. At the end of this letter, there are four words that have never appeared in previous letters, "waiting for good news".

This is the first time your father explicitly asked me to reply to your letter. I was very surprised. Modern people are accustomed to a fast pace of life, and I am no exception. My mobile phone is a necessity for my communication, so I can't start writing several times when answering letters. I just want to delay it again.

Just now, I carefully read several letters in my hand, and suddenly realized that the font of the ninth letter was not as square and powerful as the previous ones, the strokes were no longer smooth, and there were small twists and turns in the inconspicuous places. Mother said that this is the best one you can see after you copied several copies. You are looking forward to my letter. The content is not important, but you want to leave it.

I found a beautiful envelope, and the recipient wrote your name. Now it's nearly five o'clock in the morning. I don't know why I want to talk about these unimportant things with you. I hope you don't mind.

The time goes by. Paper is short and love is long.

April 2021

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