An unsent letter from home

Author: Yan Lu

Preface: This is a letter from home to my husband when the epidemic broke out last year. At that time, the epidemic situation was serious. As a doctor, he turned in the "Application for War" at the first time, and I am not sure when he will go to Wuhan for support, so this letter has not been published although it was written. Now, although he has not been able to go to Wuhan, his thoughts and feelings at that time are vivid, and the spirit of the people all over the country to work together to overcome difficulties has always infected me this year, so he has made adjustments here.

Hi, Chen:

I don't know if this is a letter that can be sent, but since I wrote it to you, it proves that I have done it for you thousands of times.

I see that your Chinese Pharmacopoeia stays on page 136. I see that you have carefully written down the prescriptions for lung clearing and asthma relieving in your notebook and pondered over them before the noisy TV series. I saw that the shirts and sweaters that were just dried yesterday were put in the trunk in the corner of your wardrobe, but the trunk was covered with down jackets. I see that you pick up your phone again and again and put it down

Last year's New Year's Eve, you ate the New Year's Eve dinner in such a restless way. This was the first time that we spent the New Year's Eve in the countryside with our parents and our brothers and sisters who came from afar. Because you were on duty in the hospital on the New Year's Eve and the first day of the previous year. This Spring Festival was very happy. We took our children to watch lambs, feed chickens, paste couplets, hang lanterns... Just after the sound of the cannon, you frowned and said to me anxiously, "Wuhan's pneumonia has spread all over the country..." I wonder if it is because there are really too few people in the countryside. The last night of that year was extremely cold, so cold that even breathing seemed to be visible in the dark, The first night of the year was extremely quiet, so quiet that your tossing and turning and sighing all night reverberated in my ears and heart.

Early in the morning of the first day of the lunar new year, you said to your family: "The epidemic is very serious. I will be ready to go to the epidemic area to support at any time. I have signed up as a member of the first echelon of the hospital. I will hand in a letter of war when I go to work in the afternoon." I know well what the word "epidemic" means, and I don't want to think about what your decision means, Just the solemn and determined eyes on your face tell me: don't say anything. The 50 km road back to the city is extremely short, and I just want to make the journey endless. Along the way, the sky was blue, the clouds were like marshmallows, the air was fresh and refreshing, but my chest was like a huge stone, which blocked my free breathing. The epidemic seems to have become a part of the air, covering all the corners around me, and even invading the viscera from every pore. Nian seems to have been left far behind by the speeding car, and I can't help following you to start preparing.

Whenever I think of this question and you, I will try to add the word "maybe", which seems to be my inner salvation. But at night, you thoughtfully said to the child: "Be good, baby, listen to your mother..." Then I stopped talking. A tsunami came from my heart, and I quickly got up to put away the socks and thread clothes on the clothes rack, and folded them, One by one, put it in your suitcase. I know that I can't avoid it any more, and I will be ready to fight!

You should eat well. Don't be greedy. I remember the first time we met, we talked about the place of meeting for dinner on WeChat for a long time. Now how funny! Why are people who haven't met so happy about where to eat? Shouldn't we pay attention to other aspects? Time has passed for too long. What we ate and talked about that afternoon has completely disappeared. But when we met and parted, the breeze caressed my face. I looked up and saw your eyes full of worries. My heart suddenly became soft, and that moment was forever engraved in my memory of this life. From that moment on, time seemed to have a memory, happy, nervous, busy, idle, leisurely, flustered, calm, uneasy... I saw the compassion of the years. I still remember that in the TV play "Please Answer 1988", several neighbors tried to create a snowman scene for the little girl. They carefully held the snowman and gently put a scarf on the snowman, just like caring for the pink childlike innocence. But the next day when the sun was shining brightly, the snowman turned into a pool of water stains, and the neighbors were worried about the little girl being hurt. Unexpectedly, she said with an indifferent face, "The snowman I said is an ice-cream!" I think marriage is also, sometimes, it is anticipation and love, sometimes, it is eating and sleeping, sometimes, it is a mystery, and it is unclear. In a word, I believe that a person's love should be to let himself feel the infinite possibility, rather than let himself become more and more closed. Love should let us expand, rather than shrink. I know that you are a warm person, so go ahead. I am willing to stand behind you for all the decisions you have made.

You should go to bed early instead of staying up late often. Over the years, you have made unremitting efforts to break through yourself. You have gone through many hardships and frustrations along the way. The perennial migraine is the testimony of your hard work. Each transformation needs painfully peeling off the cocoon, but you chose to courageously pursue your dream and put it into action, constantly surpass yourself, and realize the transformation from a teacher to a doctor. Some people say that "pain is wealth", but I think that pain is pain, and thinking about pain is wealth. The basis of what I can talk to you is that you and I love thinking. A certain scene in life, an unexpected moment, is regarded as something that others think too much and think too complicated, but it will leave us thinking in one way or another and get such feelings. This finally put an end to my doubts about myself for many years. Thank you. I believe that the great role of reading and thinking is to be able to dispel their own suffering in a small world built on this basis with a compassionate gentleness. Life, no doubt, has experienced our will to get along with the world around us, and also provided us with an angle to observe the world, so that we can learn to regulate those self subjective consciousness and self paranoia. After a long period of hesitation and hesitation, self doubt and self denial, we have found our own way of existence, which is strong, calm, stable and self-conscious. Being strong enables us to face setbacks directly, calmly allows us to look at ourselves calmly, stably control emotions and teaches us to resist sensitivity and not panic, while objective and pertinent self-awareness supports us to continue to deal with all possible difficulties. I know that you are also a sensitive person. Go ahead, fill your bags with the gains you have learned, and then go through some hardships. Remember to use the fastest time to resolve your inner sympathy, hold an optimistic attitude towards life, and recognize and understand the positive information that life can accept. Learn to adapt, learn to be ordinary, learn to bear.

You should wear more clothes, and don't be greedy and show off. The weather is changeable, and the protective clothing is airtight. You should know how to take care of yourself. With a healthy body, we have the possibility to achieve everything. At lunch, you talked with me about a patient without a mask who came in the morning. You kindly reminded him to wear a mask, but he shouted, "What a doctor you are so afraid of death!" You teased yourself: "I have suffered all the hardships of the world for a mask!" We all laughed. You laughed simply, and I laughed bitterly. But I know that it is your lifelong dream to wear a white coat and heal the wounded and the dead. Therefore, the happiness and satisfaction brought to you by curing patients far exceed those innumerable unhappiness. I remember once, you had a headache. When you asked why, you said that a three-year-old boy from a remote village was misdiagnosed with blisters all over his body. His heart wrenching cry was like a curse torturing your soul. I know that this is also the reason why you stick to this remote and backward place when many colleagues resign for a better environment. You want to use your doctor's responsibility and responsibility to support your dream. You firmly believe in your ordinary position, keep upright and stop fighting. So go, take this responsibility and responsibility, and go to the place closest to your dream.

When you feel uncomfortable, you should take medicine as soon as possible, and do not give birth to anti stiff support. You have been conscientious in teaching and diligent in medicine. In life, you have never said such words as "serve the people wholeheartedly", but when the motherland needs you, you really work wholeheartedly and serve the people with all your strength and enthusiasm. You use your actions to interpret the whole meaning of this sentence, which makes me feel that this sentence is not affectation at all, but makes my eyes warm. In the face of disasters, it is easiest to see the light in the heart of human beings. Which bones stand proudly in the wind? Which angels retrograde to the forefront of the epidemic? Which ordinary people's kindness makes us burst into tears? Which strangers' warmth let us rekindle hope? These fearless, indomitable, little by little, let us see the backbone that supports this nation through the vicissitudes of life, suffering, and still standing. There should be one kind of heroism in the world: even if we recognize the nature of difficulties, we can still move forward fearlessly. This is the belief that my country will overcome the epidemic. This is the belief that I will support you to realize your wish. So go ahead. I will take care of my family and everything. I believe that life will be more vivid and abundant after passing through Pinghu Mountain and Rain, years and rivers, and tasting all kinds of flavors.

Now is the past of the future. Years later, when spring comes and goes, when the sun spreads on the grass, when we breathe freely, when we get together happily, when future generations turn to today's history, they will probably see the comforting four words: peace and prosperity. If the time is extended to a thousand years, we will unconsciously be moved by the power of these four words. We must remember that some years ago, snow fell on this land. I understand your desire to speak and stop, you understand my silence, because we are not outsiders, not now, not the future. Because, infinite distance, countless people, are all related to us.

Take care, my love, and hope for peace.

Wife: Lu

2021-04-10

(Recommended by: Jiuquan No. 2 Middle School)