A long planned letter from home

Author: Jia Zhenyu

Dear parents:

Words are like words.

Over the years, we have gathered less and left more, exchanged more greetings and talked less. If it were not for this chance meeting, I would still be ashamed to write according to my character. Whenever I need to express my feelings, I would be the champion of harmony. We only hope that we will be sincere and will not push the boat along the river.

In fact, I don't know what "father" and "mother" are. Sometimes I think such words should be placed in the temple. Sometimes I can see everything when I look out of the window at the crowd. I was depressed when I was young, ignorant when I was young, and frivolous when I was young. Looking back on the past, it was absurd. But you were always the same to me, telling me: "Eat well, dress warmly, rest more, laugh more."

I believe that in terms of speech, temperament and appearance, I am certainly not your ideal appearance. But you gave me everything in your hands in a panic, and you didn't have time to think about it. Suddenly, you became old. I read the photos of your youth, those innocent moments in white clothes, suddenly stopped after becoming a parent. Since then, I have been busy, frowning, letting dust and smoke erode your face, but told me that a family is happy if they are healthy and safe.

My rebellious period took place at the age of 20. I came late and was still strong, which made you suffer a lot. Later, when I talked about it, you became tolerant and told me everything was from the heart. I was surprised to find that my parents, who were once as great as Mount Tai, had turned into rolling stones. Maybe your aging and weakness give me the illusion of "I'm strong", but I don't like that.

The strongest time I remember missing didn't happen on the day when I was short of money to eat, filled six bowls of clear soup in the canteen and greeted my female classmates with a smile. It didn't happen when I walked alone in late autumn in Beijing, and the rain suddenly came. I took off my coat and wrapped my schoolbag, afraid that the computer would get wet and lose my manuscript, no. It's not that I will think of you when I am down and out, but that later when I took a boat and shook in the bay of Xiamen, seagulls were singing in the distance, people's long hair was disordered like birds because of the wind, the blue and calm sea was at the foot, and the golden sun was overhead. Everyone told me that Gulangyu Island was coming, but those were insignificant, and I only thought that this second would be good. Then I suddenly thought of you. I don't know what you are doing and whether you are working hard. It's really good here. Have you ever seen such scenery.

It is said in the book that guilt and sense of debt should not appear in healthy family relationships, but it is a cold arrow and often hurts people when they are unprepared.

I remember when I was a child, my father warned me not to read his collection of martial arts novels, because in your life experience, this thing makes people eat the marrow, lose heart and sink into depression, and quickly deviate from the bright road of three good students. After I grew taller, I climbed onto the bookcase and picked up the box. Fortunately, the martial arts novels almost reshaped my youth, and more importantly, I captured the language I talked to you in them. As Hawking said, "remote similarity", after 20 years, we were moved by the same Jianghu, which to some extent liberated the strict hierarchy between father and son. I don't smoke, but drinking is the same. Although smoking and drinking hurt your health, but I saw that you were dusty when I was young, I couldn't bear to persuade you to give up. Without them, life would be more difficult.

I remember when I was a child, my mother sent me to learn painting. Later, she expressed the idea that the guitar was cool. She rode a motorcycle to the other side of the city to buy it for me. Unfortunately, her talent was dull and superficial. Every time you looked mildly and said you believed, thinking still made me ashamed. When you were young, you were very quiet. You thought to yourself that you were constrained in life, and you didn't want me to continue in the same line. Compared with my father, my character is more like you after all. Later, like the mother of the world, you forwarded to me on WeChat such non falsifiable methodologies as Understanding these truths before the age of 30 and using them for life, and Ten Characteristics of People with High EQ. I hope I can be more influenced. I teased you with a smile, which made you feel that rotten wood cannot be carved. But mom, I don't fully understand the world. I have to risk myself.

You should be relieved after joining the work. Although it is too far away, it is always reliable for state-owned enterprises. I have mixed feelings. I thought I was born in Penghao, and I will be my guest. In fact, our family has a bad fortune. My grandparents are teachers, which coincides with a strange decade. You are workers. Huang Hong said with great dignity at the Spring Festival Gala: "Who will be laid off if I don't?" I often think that people should be happy or secure in their life, which is driven by a big hand. In Farewell to My Concubine, the little leper thought of becoming a character in the morning and hung himself on candied haws in the afternoon. After the death of my grandparents, we began to really talk about death and the significance of funerals to the living. Under the repressive and pliant cultural background, this must be a great family education, and I am sincerely proud of it.

Deliberate for a long time, write in haste. Today, there is sandstorm in Lanzhou. I have dressed properly according to the wishes of the two elders. I hope this sand will not go south with the Yellow River. I wish my parents good health and success in everything. I will keep my spirits up, not increase my worries, and add more food to every meal.

Er Zhenyu

March 30, 2021

(Recommended by: Women's Working Committee of Labor Union of China Eastern Airlines Gansu Branch)