About companionship
With the development of society, more and more people have realized that educating children is no longer simply "raising" and "supporting", but also needs "raising well". With the improvement of education level, many parents begin to attach importance to the quality of childcare in infancy, and high-quality parent-child companionship is undoubtedly indispensable. Not only that, many developed countries emphasize the quality of parents' education and companionship at the beginning of their children's lives. Compared with the developed welfare and cultural atmosphere abroad, children in domestic families grow up early. With busy parents, how many children lack the company of parents and children! Next, along with a group of interviews, we can learn more about: will your child "excuse me"?
dialogue
Reporter: Zhang Shuo
Guest: Qian Zhiliang, associate professor of Beijing Normal University
Q: For the vast majority of people, children may not "stay behind", but as the pace of life accelerates, the career becomes more and more busy, and the time to accompany children becomes less and less. Teacher Qian, some people think that children can only have enough food and clothing. Is that right?
A：
Children's growth needs both material foundation and spiritual care, especially from their parents and relatives. The example of French orphanages after World War II is typical. At that time, no matter in the city or in the countryside, the distribution was fair and equal. However, several years later, it was found that the mortality rate of rural orphans was far higher than that of urban orphans. It used to be that in the city, volunteers often carried or carried orphans, while in the countryside, children's instinctive "skin hunger" and spiritual care were not satisfied.
Parents are irreplaceable for children. Children can obtain a sense of security from parent-child interaction and induce positive emotions, form positive emotions such as trust, attachment, dependence, expectation, learn to communicate, form social adaptability, and develop intelligence. But now, many post-80s parents entrust their children to their grandparents, grandparents, and even nannies, and act as "parents who have lost their hands". They don't know how to be penny wise and pound foolish. When I do consulting, young parents often ask: "We are both graduate students, how did we produce such a thing?" I always ask: "Is the child brought up by graduate students?" Some parents also asked, "Why is the child not close to me?" I asked, "Did you bring it up?"
HOME
Q: What roles do parents play in the growth of children?
A：
Father plays three main roles in the growth of children: enlightenment of wisdom, shaping of personality and guidance of life. The study found that the longer you stay with your father and the more games you play, the more likely your child is to have great wisdom. Children accompanied by their fathers tend to have a healthier personality - smiling face, raising their head and chest, invigorating spirit, and sunny heart. They are more decisive in doing things, more active in thinking, stronger in resistance to setbacks, and qualified in interpersonal relationships. The father also plays the role of discipline education, emotional control, and supervision, leading the children to form a qualified character.
Mother mainly plays two roles: the cultivation of habits and the cultivation of emotional intelligence. Because the mother feeds the baby, it is doomed to have more contact opportunities with the child. The child will observe and imitate, and will form a very similar habit with the mother. Good habits are a lifelong wealth. Mother's love can make children's attachment, trust, expectation, hope more and more, sociality better and better, and emotional intelligence higher and higher.
Parents and children live together, and children will have many social role imitations: girls imitate mothers, boys imitate fathers, regardless of gender, housework, family education roles, etc. will be imperceptibly infiltrated, nurtured and consciously positioned, otherwise, role awareness, sense of responsibility, etc. will be affected.
accompany
Q: What problems are likely to occur when children who lack the companionship of their parents grow up?
A：
Someone once made an experiment with macaques: forcibly took the baby monkeys away from their mothers, and prepared a steel mother with hot milk and a flannelette mother without milk in the laboratory. According to the inference that "where there is milk, there is mother", it is estimated that the little monkey will be close to the steel mother, but the fact is otherwise, the little monkey is not hungry to the point of necessity, and does not leave the flannelette mother, as soon as he has finished the milk, he hurries to find the flannelette mother. In this detail, we can see the instinctive yearning and fear of infants, and their attachment and demand for warmth even exceed food. When these macaques grow up, they are basically indifferent, withdrawn, uncooperative, and even cruel to their children, which shows that warm embrace, loving eyes, gentle words, and skin dating are indispensable ingredients for the normal growth of intellectual life.
In our country, the "excuse" is more often the father, and the common impact on boys is the "lack of fatherly love syndrome": shyness, depression, self abandonment, lack of ambition, reticence, lack of collective love, aversion to making friends, impatience, moodiness, fear of failure, emotional indifference, and in serious cases, truancy, puppy love, running away from home Stealing even likes violence. A boy without father's love is more likely to become a dangerous man.
Children cannot grow without their parents. Children who lack parental love will feel nervous and insecure, resulting in more negative emotions, less positive emotions, and even emotional distress, personality disorders, and behavior problems.
Q: In the face of more and more "always busy" parents, what advice do you have?
A：
A survey in the United States shows that 17% of children who are looked after by others for more than 30 hours a week have behavioral problems such as fighting and bullying, while only 6% of those who are looked after by others for less than 10 hours a week have similar problems.
Now many people have problems in the family value orientation, and put the cart before the horse in life inheritance and career development. Only when they realize that children have problems can they regret. In fact, it is the parents' bounden duty to let their children live a dignified and happy life. It is certainly advisable to do something vigorous and vigorous, and it is also worth praising to accompany their children to grow up quietly.
My advice is: parents should establish the concept of family first and attach importance to the time with children. Money can be earned in the future, but children cannot wait. As a father, no matter how busy he is, he has to go home for dinner every day and play games with his children every day; As a mother, no matter how tired she is, she should hug her children every day and tell them a story every day.
love
Companion is sometimes very simple
occasionally,
Maybe it's not a lack of time,
It's just a lack of appropriate ways,
The time spent brushing mobile phones and playing games can actually be used to spend more time with children!
If you also want to accompany children,
Just didn't find the right way!
Why not try parent-child swimming!
Iron man is tender, accompanied by parents and children,
Father is also very simple,
Mother can also take a break from her busy schedule!
Give children high-quality company,
Haifan parent-child swimming looks forward to growing up with you!
