I often hear those very interesting dialogues in Hollywood movies. I didn't understand it at first, but it was interesting to think about it later. I feel that the humor is not in the superficial sense, and does not conform to the context at that time. Who can give me a definition and interpretation. You don't need to leave a message if you haven't said anything.
It's the kind of bold, but a little "mysterious", which makes you laugh after thinking about it.
Be frank
For example, an old lady on the train stared at the old man sitting opposite for a few minutes, patted his knee with her hand, and said to him, "I can see at a glance that you are very much like my second husband." The old man asked, "How many husbands did you have?"? The old lady replied: There was once one, but he died three years ago
A slightly scary joke (kill two birds with one stone):
The first story: supernatural events
I remembered a supernatural event my sister told me.
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My sister has a friend who has a little son who is about three years old....
One day he found his son waving at the window and saying, "Good bye, Uncle!"
My friend didn't think so at first.....
I thought my son was talking to Abe who passed by on the street (because he lives in a low place)
But I think his son always says that at dusk
WO。
。。。。 But I can't see anyone outside the window..... The more friends think, the more afraid they become....
So he asked his son who he said goodbye to.....
The son replied, "Follow Uncle!"
The friend asked, "There is no one outside! Which uncle are you talking to?"
The son pointed out and replied:
"Which uncle?????
Uncle Sun! "
The second story: On the rural road
On a country road with twists and turns, there are often some ghost stories because of frequent car accidents. One night, there was a taxi driver.
Seeing a woman with long hair and white clothes on the roadside, she waved to him. Because the driver had never seen ghosts, she was very bold. He stopped to let her get on the bus. On the way, the driver often looked at the woman behind him from behind without seeing the mirror although he didn't believe in ghosts. When he was driving, the driver suddenly found that the woman was missing! The driver was so scared that he stepped on the brake! The woman appeared again, and the blood was so horrible that the driver was so frightened that he felt weak and said a few words.
I thought: It's over, this time I really met a ghost! "The woman said when she was nervous:
"Hey, driver, I'm just afraid of being seen by you. I'm sorry to bend down and dig my nose. Who told you to brake so quickly? Look! My nose bleeds!"
The third story The head outside the window
Just these days, an old man came to the village.
The old man looked very haggard and frustrated, but perhaps because no one knew him, no one paid special attention to him. As a result, in the evening, the old man was found hanging in the woods! The hanging place is just behind Xiaojing's house, and you can even see the old man clearly through the bathroom window!
In the evening, Xiaojing came back. Because the body was treated quickly, Xiaojing did not know it.
Wu Weixiao Jing went to take a bath because the bathroom was very small, so when she took a bath, she was very close to the window. When she was halfway through the bath, Xiaojing looked up and saw the window. What I saw at that time made Xiaojing freeze! Because she saw a head! Xiaojing can't move, but the head has been watching her helplessly! At that moment, the head of the people laughed! And said:
"Sister,.
。。。 Did you get a shock? "
The fourth story died of instant noodles
My brother doesn't like my mother's cooking, but he likes to eat instant noodles. One day my mother didn't cook vegetables, and my brother wanted to eat instant noodles, my mother scolded him: "Mom didn't cook vegetables, you wouldn't go out to buy bento? Eating instant noodles is not nutritious!"
My brother said, "I just like eating. How about it?"
"Alas.
。。。。 Mom told you that instant noodles are really not a good thing. There was a young lady in your father's Xinqian Company. In order to save money and send it home, she ate instant noodles in the morning, at noon and at night. Eating instant noodles every day, she died three months later! "
(Panic) "Really?"
"How could Mama lie to you?"
"Really, how did she die?"
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。。。。 Well,.... An accident occurred when buying instant noodles.....
The fifth story Car accident
In high school, a scene (soul stirring) happened in the fruit and vegetable market in front of Huazhong Bridge....
As the fruit and vegetable market is the point of many cars, and it is also the time of school and work, the bus we took was crowded to the people standing at the door of the car, and the whole person, including his face, clung to the door like a gecko.
After the driver and others had finished decorating, he started to start. As he was going to the bridge, he kept stepping on the accelerator to accelerate. When he found that an old woman was crossing the road in front, it was too late to step on the brake!
I saw the old woman lying on the road in front of the car, motionless, a pile of intestines flowing out of her side, and also began to ooze blood.
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Some people started screaming.... Some can't speak, but the driver looks pale and dare not get down from his seat. When the driver starts pointing out the driver, a strange thing happens......
Suddenly, the old woman stood up trembling, took out a broken plastic bag, began to pick up intestines, and muttered: "Your birthday is too early.
。。。 How can I eat the intestines I just bought..... "
The sixth story bento
Tell you a ghost story, and powder terror!
On a quiet, moonlit night, another night, a traveler who was walking through the mountain area lost his way unfortunately. When he was hungry and cold, he finally found a thatched house in the far front.
He ran forward happily, knocked on the door, and shouted: "Is anyone there? Then an old woman came out to answer the door. After the traveller explained his purpose, the old woman kindly gave the traveller a box of bento, and promised to stay at the grandmother's house that night. The next morning, when the traveller woke up, he was surprised that there was no thatched house around him, and he slept on the ground.
Not to mention the old lady, but the tourists were not afraid. They were still very grateful to the old lady. They thought it was the incarnation of Bodhisattva and came to save the suffering. So he bowed down in place and left with gratitude. After a long journey, I finally returned to the village. After returning, he talked about this matter to everyone. After a long time, someone finally said, "The grandma you mentioned died three years ago.
When the traveler heard this, he felt a sudden sharp pain in his body, and shouted: "It's bad... I have... I have eaten... expired bento!
The Seventh Story Yin and Yang Eyes
There was an elder student who wanted to ride a bike to take a schoolgirl with yin and yang eyes home.
At first, the elder student warned the younger student, "No matter what you see, don't tell me!" After a while, when they passed the cemetery, the younger student shouted and grabbed the elder student's clothes.
。。。。 The younger sister said, "Learn... learn... learn... learn... learn..." The elder cried, "Shut up! I don't want to listen to anything!" The younger sister said, "But..." The elder sister said, "Don't tell me what you see!" After a storm arrived at the destination, the elder said, "What were you going to tell me just now?" Xuemei: "When I passed the cemetery just now, I wanted to tell you that your wallet fell down, but you couldn't turn back.
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The eighth story died on the same day in the same year
When Ali was working overtime, she suddenly felt a cold wind blowing in the north. Ali felt very strange. How could the wind blow in the airtight office building? Looking back, the clock on the wall pointed to 11 o'clock. Ali thought to herself, "Today she may not be able to finish it. She will continue tomorrow. Thinking about it, she will shut down the computer and leave the office after cleaning up.
Unexpectedly, today's elevator is being repaired..... Ali thought: It's over. The office is on the 11th floor...... I had to go downstairs. Fortunately, she had to go downstairs, otherwise she would be exhausted. When Ali just went downstairs, she always felt that someone was following her behind, and could not help thinking of the cold wind in the office just now. Although Ali has goose bumps all over her body, she can't hide her curiosity. Looking back, I found that it was OK if I didn't see it.
。。。。。 Xiao Hong, a friend who died of cancer three months ago, glared at her...... "Why don't you keep your promise?! Why don't you keep your promise? I'm so lonely below... so lonely..." Xiaohong said as she approached Ali...... "Ah ______" Ali has fallen down from the tenth floor window...... Xiaoxiang and Zhenzhen are good friends of Ali and Xiaohong.
。。。。。 After they attended Ali's funeral, they discussed the cause of Ali's death in a tea shop. Xiaoxiang: Zhenzhen..... Do you remember? Not long after Xiaohong died, Meimei died in a car accident..... Now it's Ali.... Will you? Zhenzhen: Mmm.... I have a feeling.... Could it be Xiaohong..... She..... Xiaoxiang: It's possible that Xiaohong has come to ask for her life. She can't go on like this, or even you and me.
。。。。 Zhenzhen: I know a mage who has a high level of morality. Let's go to him to help us. When Xiaoxiang and Zhenzhen arrived at the Dharma Master's ashram, the Dharma Master correctly pointed out that Xiaoxiang and his dead friends were good sworn sisters. The five people agreed at that time that they could not be born on the same day, the same year, the same month and the same day. They were willing to die on the same day, the same year, the same month and the same day. So after Xiaohong died, she remembered her previous agreement and came to find other sisters.
。。。 Xiaoxiang and Zhenzhen heard this and asked the mage to help them. The mage ordered his little apprentice to bring a plate of green beans and a red bean, mix the beans together, and recite the mantra. After finishing, he told Xiaoxiang and Zhenzhen that he was negotiating with Xiaohong. If Xiaohong promised not to kill them, he would let the mung bean float on the mung bean. If Xiaohong disagreed, the mung bean messenger would float on the mung bean. The mage said that he would try his best to save Xiaoxiang and Zhenzhen. It would take him a week to communicate with Xiaohong and ask Xiaoxiang and Zhenzhen to see the results a week later.
After finishing Zheng De's story, he covered the plate with red cloth. Xiaoxiang and Zhenzhen finally had a week of fidgeting. They came to the dojo together. The mage asked his disciples to take out the plates. When the mage opened the red cloth..... I can't help but change my face.... When Xiaoxiang and Zhenzhen saw the mage's face was not right, they quickly grabbed the plate...... The little apprentice said helplessly: "Shiyou.
。。。。 I have been with you for a long time.... The Taoist Temple is very humid. It's time to buy a dehumidifier. You won't listen..... Look! The beans are sprouting!!!!! "
The ninth story likes eating apples
One dark night, the taxi driver was passing a lonely street and was going to pick up his car. It happened that a woman was waving to get on the bus at the roadside.
The driver wants to be on the way, so he can give her a lift. It was extremely quiet all the way. Suddenly, the woman spoke. She said, "Driver, let me give you an apple. It's delicious." The driver took it and took a bite. The woman said, "It's delicious." The driver said, "It's delicious." The woman replied, "I used to like apples." Wow.
。。。。&*#@^ As soon as the driver heard this sentence, he was scared to brake, and his face turned white..... The woman slowly leaned her head to the front and slowly said to the driver, "Don't be afraid. I haven't finished yet. After I gave birth to my baby, I said I didn't like it!"
Story 10: Ghost in the toilet
Xiao Wang went to play at his cousin's house in other places. When talking with his cousin, he told him that there was a ghost in the toilet, but if you don't accept the ghost's things, the ghost will not hurt you.
(Of course, there is no ghost, but his cousin is deceiving him.) Maybe it is the original reason why he is not acclimatized. At night, Xiao Wang has a severe stomach ache, and he has no choice but to go to the toilet with fear. Just as Xiao Wang squatted down, he heard the voice of the ghost (dressed by his cousin): "Do you want red toilet paper or white toilet paper?" Xiao Wang knew that he could not accept the ghost's things, so he replied: "I always use newspapers.
"It seems that Xiao Wang had dysentery. After a while, Xiao Wang ran to the toilet again, but this time he was no longer afraid. When the ghost saw the little queen, he put out his hand and said," Yes or no? "I always use sports newspapers." At night, when Xiao Wang went to the toilet for the third time, the ghost asked, "Should Xiao Wang say gingerly," I..... I... I just want to pee.
"
The eleventh story The female ghost without feet
There was a new girl in Qingda who worked very hard. One night, after reading, she felt very tired. Look at the watch. It's already over one o'clock. I heard from my sister that the Xiangsi Lake at night is very beautiful, so I want to take a walk there. When she reached the lake, she suddenly felt someone patted her on the shoulder. She turned and saw a pale woman.
The woman said, "Xuemei, I don't have feet." Xiaoxiao didn't think she saw the strange woman's feet. They really didn't! The primary school sister ran away, but the female ghost still followed her all the way, and said darkly in her ear: "I don't have feet, I don't have feet... The primary school sister felt very upset, and when she just came to the dormitory, the comrade turned to the female ghost and shouted:" What if I don't have feet! I have no chest!
Latest addition:
Sour meat
"Please let me go. I'm very old, and the meat is sour. It's not delicious." Old man Zhang leaned against the corner, and there was no way to get up or down. Two fierce ghosts were forced to come over step by step.
"Is the meat sour?" The ghost grabbed Old Man Zhang's hand and bit off a piece of meat. Old Man Zhang screamed. The ghost chewed and chewed and "pounced" on Old Man Zhang's meat. "Shit, it's really sour. It's so disgusting. Dead old man, you're lucky. Go away!" Old Man Zhang was granted amnesty. He kowtowed dozens of times on the ground and made a noise. It's better to lose a piece of meat than to lose his life. He was about to leave.
Another female ghost screamed, "Stop!" The male ghost was a little strange. "Why do you keep this old thing? The meat is sour, not delicious." The female ghost leaned over the male ghost's ear and said, "I want to eat sour." The male ghost was even more strange. "Why?" The female ghost poked the male ghost's head with her finger, and said shyly, "You are a bad guy, somebody else, somebody else is pregnant!"
mosquito
In an old and dilapidated building in the suburb, three mosquitoes on the wall were chatting.
"Hey, I can't find anything to eat recently"
"Yeah, yeah, we haven't had a good day since that woman moved in."
"Let's just say last night, I sucked on Uncle Zhang's nephew's leg on the second floor for a long time, and then I sucked out some dry blood clots, which almost choked me to death!"
"You are all right! Just say that last night, I sucked on the big artery of Wang's daughter-in-law's neck on the third floor all night, and all I sucked out was tap water!"
The mosquito left wailed
"Why do you cry?"
"I am the most miserable!"
"What's the matter?"
"Last night I was so hungry that I saw the woman lying on a naked man on the fourth floor. I ran to suck the man's blood, but she caught me, and then..."
"Then what happened? You finished your sentence!" The other two mosquitoes were worried.
Mosquito sniveled and cried, "Then she said to me, 'Dead mosquito, I don't have enough to drink, and you came to fight me!', and then she sucked my blood, whining..."
There are two people
In a remote village, there is a straight electric pole on a narrow path. Strangely enough, people often have accidents there.
Soon a young man and a young woman accidentally rode down and died on the spot. One night, 5-year-old Xiaozhi and his mother passed by on their way home. Xiaozhi suddenly said, "Mom, there are two people on the pole." His mother took his hand and quickly walked away, saying, "Don't talk nonsense, kids!" But the story soon spread. One day, a reporter came to interview Xiaozhi and asked him to take him to the place where the accident happened. Xiaozhi took him there with great generosity, The reporter asked, "Where is it?" Xiaozhi pointed at it. The reporter looked up and saw a sign hanging on the pole,
Above: Everyone is responsible for traffic safety
Encounter female ghost at night
It was very late at night, and a taxi driver decided to pull another passenger home, but there were not many people on the road.
The driver drove aimlessly, and found a white shadow shaking in front of him, beckoning to him. It was unnatural to have someone in the originally peaceful night. Moreover, such a situation had to remind people of something they didn't want to think of, that was ghost!!!
But finally the driver decided to pull her. The man got on the bus and said in a sad and hoarse voice, "Please go to the crematorium.
”The driver gave a shiver. Is she really... he can't think anymore, and he dare not think anymore. He regretted it, but now he had to send her to the destination quickly.
The woman's face was beautiful, pale, and silent all the way. It was creepy. The driver couldn't continue driving. When he was very close to the place she was going to, he made an excuse and stammered: "Miss, I'm sorry, it's not easy to turn around ahead. Go ahead yourself, it's very close.
”The woman nodded and asked, "How much is that?" The driver said quickly, "Forget it, forget it,
As a woman, it's not easy to come here so late. Forget it! " "How embarrassed." "Let's do it!" The driver insisted. The woman could not resist, "Well, thank you!" After saying that, she opened the door... The driver turned to start the car, but did not hear the sound of the door closing, so she turned around... Why did the woman disappear so quickly? He looked at the backseat, no! The front, left, right and back of the car are empty! Did she just disappear? The driver's curiosity made him want to understand. He got out of the car and came to the door that was not closed. "Did the woman leave so quickly, or did she just..." He was about to collapse. Just before leaving here, a bloody hand patted his shoulder. He turned around, and the woman stood in front of him with blood on her face and spoke.
"Shifu! Please don't park near the ditch next time you park..."
Ghost phone
When I used to call, the number was not pressed like now. It was dialed by inserting my finger into a disc with a hole. Once upon a time......
The phone number of Xiao Ming's home is 444-4444, and strange calls often come in.
。。。。 At midnight one day, the phone rang and Xiao Ming picked up the receiver. The other side of the phone said in a mournful voice, "Is this 444-4444? Can you call 119 for me? I'm so miserable..." Xiaoming: "Go find someone else to help you. Don't come to me!" The man said, "I can only call 444-4444. I can't call anyone else.
"Xiao Ming was scared to death, so he hung up the phone quickly. He could only call 444-4444? Is it a ghost?!! After a while, the phone rang again. Xiao Ming dared not answer it, but the phone kept ringing.... Xiao Ming had to answer the phone. The man: "Excuse me, is this 444-4444? Can you call 119 for me? I'm so miserable! My finger is stuck in the dial hole!"
son of a gun
Two men walked home after the Halloween masquerade party.
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When they passed a cemetery, they had to cross it on a whim. When they were halfway there, they were frightened by the sound of knocking knocking knocking. The sound came from a dark place, and they were trembling with fear. Then they found an old man with a chisel was chiseling a tombstone. One of the men said, "My God.
Sir, we thought you were a ghost. What are you doing here so late? "The old man scolded, 'TMD, they misspelled my name!!!!"
Ghostly fire
In a dark night, a man hurried on the night road, passing a cemetery. When the breeze blew, the sound around was rustling, which made people's hair stand on end and their scalp suddenly.
At that moment, he suddenly noticed a little red flame in the distance.
The first thing he thought of was "ghost fire". So he gingerly picked up a stone and threw it toward the light. The light of the fire drifted to the back of another tomb. He was even more frightened. He picked up a stone and threw it at the firelight. The light flew to another tomb.
By this time, he was close to collapse. So he picked up another stone and threw it at the light. At this time, only a voice came from behind the grave head: "Who the fuck? It's not pleasant to take a dump. I threw a bag of cigarettes three times."
dolly
There is a taxi driver working in a taxi shop.
Late one night, he was driving through a desolate place, and it was dark all around; Suddenly I saw a building in the wasteland ahead, with dim lights on. He was wondering when such a building started here, when he saw a young lady on the roadside waving to take his car home. After the young lady got on the car, he closed the door and started driving. After a while, he felt very strange why the young lady didn't say anything. Finally, he looked back in the mirror and found that there was no young lady but a doll sitting there, He was scared to death. He grabbed the doll and threw it out of the window. After returning home, he became seriously ill for three months
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When he recovered from his illness, he went back to work in the taxi shop, but his colleague said to him, "You are not interesting enough. A beautiful lady came to complain that she wanted to take your car last time, but she just threw the doll in, and you closed the door and drove away.
