I'm afraid I haven't received the letter I sent you last time, so I haven't been able to wait for a reply.I have waited for five years.In the past five years, I have become a wife and a mother. I have experienced the joy of life extension and the powerlessness of life hanging on the line.At the moment when I was awakened in the ward, I realized that death was not afraid of the life that was about to die. The real fear was the fear of hindsight, the constant recollection of the near death situation, the incessant imagination, and the reluctance to give up the world. Do you think so.During the rest of my life, I often imagined what would happen if the rescue failed. I shuddered at the thought that the living people would suffer endless pain and devastation, which you never thought about.
In the past five years, I have been busy and mediocre all day long, but I was even tired and didn't know it after a long time, so my obsession with looking forward to answering letters has faded.But after having a child, the tears were lowered again. Sometimes I watched the little guy think that he was not destined to feel what it was like to be spoiled by his grandfather. Then I thought of myself, and I couldn't help crying.There will also be moments of resentment. I don't know why you are still busy, so I don't even remember the small matter of sending a message to me.Our grandparents and grandchildren are really strange. They are always separated by something, but they love each other deeply. At least I believe and have never doubted, but I don't know if you hate me.
Do you remember the first time I wrote to you? At that time, we were separated by a two yuan drive, and the postage was 80 cents.When I was in the third grade, I didn't know much about Chinese characters at that time. I used Pinyin to read pictures and write words. But you only know Chinese characters but not Pinyin.I will tell you at the beginning of the letter, Grandpa, if I can't write any words in Pinyin, you can take them to Liu's sister to help you recognize them.
However, I didn't use any pinyin at all. I not only avoided all the words that I couldn't write perfectly, but also remembered the good time I lived with you in tears.Frankly speaking, you were moved.
After the letter was written, the postman baffled me.I don't know how to write the address so that you can receive the letter.Later, I carefully put up the envelope and entrusted my sister-in-law to let her take it to you.However, she opened the letter and read it to her cousin, listening to my guilt and apology for your thoughts and the foolish things I had done because of my willfulness. The whole family laughed their heads off.Then tell me that everyone knows my embarrassing things.My poor self-esteem has been ruined.Only you said, my granddaughter, the article is very good.
The second time I wrote to you, we were still two yuan away.For the first time, I put the stamped envelope into the mailbox. I was worried about it. It was not until Grandma received the letter with words that I felt relieved.Grandma said that you were very surprised to receive the letter. You read it again and again, and then put it in the pocket of your coat chest. Every once in a while, you would take it out to read it. Everyone would praise it. My eldest granddaughter wrote to me, and the article was very good.
Did I write to you again after that?I can't remember clearly.But I'm very sure that you never wrote back to me.Ah, so you always do. You are really a proud old man.
Not long after the letter was written, Old Zhaizi also got on the phone.The winter vacation in Grade 6 was the last time we lived together.That winter, the weather was extremely dark, as if I had never seen the sun until I was sent out.
When I was 5 years old, my mother picked me up and I cried hysterically.Later, you said that you could hardly bear it. You wanted to chase me back from my mother. It was school.
I really hoped that you could not help but scold them or hold my hand that day.But, Grandpa, why did you let go that time.If you know what it means to let go, will you let me go.
The last time I called you, Grandma let me listen.I really listened and never called you again.We were separated by a three yuan drive and a fuzzy window.
Sir, do you think I am too obedient or too disobedient.
Through that window, I watched you decline, but I could do nothing.Later, when we were separated by the film, you wailed in front of the camera, and I couldn't help feeling pain outside the film.
In 2005, I finally returned to the old house. How could I believe that the old man on the kang was really you?
Only the navy blue Chinese tunic suit remains.
Later, we were separated by a 35 yuan drive, as if separated from the Milky Way, until 2008.
I finally understand that for so many years, God and Buddha have been blaming me, and no one has given me pity or mercy. I have been blinded by my incense and piety for so many years.But I gave you my most determined back and shameless face.
When I give you a wake, I kneel at your feet, feeling that you are still alive.I want to be crazy and call them to confirm, but I know that whoever is called can only break my heart.I've been watching you, but you can't see it.
I listened to them cry, sad.Listen to them and wake up.Watching your coffin being carried out of the door, out of the alley, and onto the hearse, I held the rope like you held my hand when I was a child
My lord, how can I imagine that the only thing I can accompany you in this life is this last journey.My lord, when that piece of loess falls, we are really across the whole sky.
I wrote to you every night for 100 days, cried for 100 days, and paused for 100 days. I only hope you can dream a little, but there is no news from you. I think you really annoyed me.
I often cry in my dreams until I wake up, but I don't remember what I dreamed. I only remember sadness and pain. Maybe you have been here, but I won't let my heart rest.For 13 years, I have only seen your silhouette twice vaguely, and both of them are still sick, so is the killing heart.
The pre-school affairs keep flashing like a horse lantern, but I can't remember the personnel of the older years.It may be that too many stories about you have been engraved, and other memories of forbearance have been deleted.I can clearly remember every little thing around you, a green jujube, a small fish, but I can't remember how to live like a year in that courtyard.What I remember is all the beautiful memories with you. What do you remember, my unfilial or heartless.
I remember when I was young, when I saw you, I always wanted to fight for your grievances. I said that my parents privately called you "old man" instead of "father".You just smiled and said, well, it's the same name.My lord, do you know that I wish I could call you again now, even if it was the old man, and let you stare at me.
After Grandma left, I never went to the old house again.Even when passing by, he didn't have the courage to look into the distance.I personally want to go back and have a look. It carries my life's joy and ultimate grief.I want to see the children who were loved by you when I was a child, and I want to see you when you were in your prime of life. I want to see how ambitious the well digger who was eagerly awaited by the villagers in the valley is.I didn't know until the condolence meeting that your merit was not in the collection of the medal of meritorious service to resist U.S. aggression and aid Korea, but in the hearts of people. The eulogy said that none of the wells you dug was a dry well, which benefited countless people.However, grandpa, I don't understand why a man who served his country when he was young can benefit eight villages even if he returned home after being injured, but he can't get a blessing in the end.For more than ten years, the pride and dignity were worn away.Is the essence of life cruel?If only you hadn't nurtured me. If you hadn't loved me in every way, you would not have felt distressed.In this way, can you feel better.
Grandpa, it has been five years since I wrote to you last time. Do you think I can forget it if you don't reply to my letter.A memory engraved in my bones, a person engraved in my heart with a knife, how can I forget you.Don't make trouble. Please take a message back, old man. I miss you so much.
Begging
Jun Fu!
Sun Kou
In the late spring, the bitter and ugly
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